Going going...

My new private blog has now been set up. Pretty much everyone who asked has received an invite. If you asked to be invited and didn't recieve an email, please let me know - some email addresses were invalid.

I am in the process of moving posts from this site to the new one. I will probably keep some posts here, particularly the ones from when we were last in Colombia. I may even start up my knitting blog again.

If you'd like an invite to the new private blog, send me an email at yeahsoiknit at gmail dot com. If I don't know you IRL, you're pretty much in.

Chao for now...

HEY THERE.

I WILL BE GOING PASSWORD PROTECTED IN ABOUT ONE WEEK. IF YOU WANT IN, SEND ME AN EMAIL (include your blogname and address so I know who you are)FOR AN INVITE. NOTHING HAPPENED, IT'S JUST TIME.

…did ya wonder where I’d gone off to? Is anyone still out there and/or do you even give a crap?

Well, I’m going to just go on the assumption that you do…

Everything’s fine over here – life just continues to roll on at lightning pace and I haven’t had a spare minute for blogging. I don’t even want to tell you how many blog feeds I have pending. I guess my absence is a good sign – I tend not to blog when life is good. And life IS good right now. Seamonkey is approaching two years old and this stage is so hysterically funny that I don’t like to give up a second of my time with him if I can help it. He continues to love music, including dancing and singing (I keep telling my husband that as long as he doesn’t start belting out show tunes and doing jazz hands, it's all good) and his two most favorite shows seem to be American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. He will sit mesmerized while they perform and then clap and cheer after every one. He will sing along to any song on the radio (so far he’s quite tone deaf, I hope that improves soon) but he’s particularly fond of “Take me out to the Ball Game” and “I love my Rooster”. I should put that on video for you to see – the cuteness is unbearable, truly. Other than that he’s completely normal – some days he won’t eat, other days he eats so much it make ME nauseous, occaisional dramatic tantrums and lately he’s starting this weird clingy thing. But no complaints.

Mother’s Day was okay. Am I allowed not to like Mother’s Day now or does that sound horribly ungrateful? I feel like I cherish my motherhood every single day, and the fact that I have to spend such an honorable day shuffling between by SILs house (who thinks she’s my son’s mother) and my mom’s (who usually thinks it’s “Spoiled Selfish Son Day”) just makes we want to scream. If I had my way, we’d spend a quiet day at home, where I’d do some reading, knitting and watching of bad movies. But alas, it was not to be. But know that throughout the day (perhaps between nibbles of high quality chocolate) I did say some small prayers of thanks for my beautiful son, and even bigger prayers for those who are still waiting for children of their own. That part makes me very sad.

Work is crazy. I have two new bosses, one I love, one I’m not sure of yet. I hate having to reprove yourself all over again, but what can you do.

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to comment a lot lately, but please know that I do check in when I can, and I do send out good vibes to those I know need them.

Oh, on the adoption front…we haven’t really moved forward yet. I am still finalizing the agency we are going to use, but we should be starting soon. It’s going to be a looooong wait. There are like 6 Colombian couples doing this at the same time as us, and they automatically jump the line. I am strangely okay with that – I think I’ve learned my lesson that sometimes what you end up with is infinitely better than what you planned on, and it’s better just to let life take it’s course and ride the ride. I have plenty of alcohol and chocolate at the ready though, I know I won’t be this complacent for long.

But summer’s almost here! Wahoo!

There's been knitting...

First, I created a button for a knitting project over at knitting diva - won't you take a second and cast your vote? (My button is the first one).



Second - I finished all the gifts for our friends in Colombia and mailed them off. The mail is not very reliable there, so I'm hoping they get their okay. Since then I've finished a few more things:

Saartje's Booties

Yarn: Wildflower DK in yellow -a fraction of a skein

Notes: Perfect, adorable and quick to knit. A gift for a co-worker.

Nordic Ear Flap Hat

Yarn: Bernat softee chunky in green and blue - part of leftover skeins I had.

Notes: This is a tad big for seamonkey, but it's thick and warm, and as you can see he doesn't mind wearing it. It was the first time I did intarsia in my life - it wasn't too bad. I actually was able to carry each color in each hand, which was a little fiddly at first. Tension is key, and I need some practice, especially where I was switching needles (I used the magic loop method).

Currently on the needles I have the Chevron Scarf from Last Minute Knitted gifts. You take two skeins of luxury sock yarn in complimentary colors, and switch off every two rows. One row is worked in the "feather and fan" pattern. I did a double repeat to make this wider. I had alot of fun choosing which colors to use - I was in the yarn shop for almost an hour digging through all the wonderful sock yarn. I settled on Cherry Tree Hill Supersock, both are in colors "Earth" - and I found out later that these are "potluck" skeins - they only dyed six of each color at a time. This scarf is a gift for my Billy Joel loving friend for her 40th birthday - obviously I'm late with it - and it's taking longer than I thought. But the colors are totally her - rusty, brown, coppery, peachy...it will look great with her skin tone. I'm not even half way done - but this scarf is over 6 feet long. I want to make myself one eventually, it's a great excuse to splurge on sock yarn.

And the winner is.....

all of them.

I mean, most people did vote for Danica. And a KAL is supposed to have everyone doing the same pattern. But I kind of felt bad forcing you to knit something you may not have wanted to knit. And who says you can't just knit whichever one you like? The whole point of this is to do it together, and I figure you're more likely to stick with it if it's one you really want to make.

But - I do ask that you stick to one of the four. It's fun to see how others are doing the same thing you are - and it is easier to help people if someone else is doing it too.

Also, I've created a separate blog just for this knit along. It's called the "Infertility Sucks" Scarf Along, and it can be found here. We will use this blog to post our progress and cheer each other along. This way we aren't boring all of our non knitting readers to tears with all the knit one purl two going on. So if I know who you are, I have sent you an email inviting you to participate in the blog (it's free to sign up). If you'd like to participate and you didn't get an invite, please send me your email address (mine is yeahsoiknit at gmail dot com) and I will add you. Oh, and if you would be so kind - blog about it and link to the new blog - hopefully more people will join (If anyone is technically inclined and would like to design a blog button - you will be my BFF)

And one other thing. I'm a little worried that I picked patterns that some may find too challenging. I do believe they are all learnable, and I am 100% committed to helping you get through the whole thing, so I really really hope you all stick with this. I will also be posting links to tutorials and other sites I think may be of help to you along the way. Feel free to post a question to the site, or email me directly. No questions are too dumb, and knitters are the nicest people!

Now go out and buy your yarn! Remember, worsted weight, any flavor. I hope you will make this scarf especially for yourself, so pick something soft and pretty. Knitting for loved ones are okay too - but why not treat yourself?

We offically start knitting Monday, October 15th.

I am so freaking excited.

It's TV time!

I came out of a building the other day and saw one of the Cavemen. He was being filmed standing in front of a statue reading a newspaper. For a commercial I guess.

Then I was watching Kitchen Nightmares and found that they were doing a restaurant that is like 2 miles from my house. I've never eaten there, but I might now that it's been redone.

Then I was on my way to happy hour when I passed a filming of 10 Years Younger. Saw the guy in the box but I didn't stop to guess how old he was. It was a pretty big crowd.

What's next? Maybe I'll run into George Clooney somewhere. Well, a girl can dream.

Speaking of television:

My favorite, The Office, has started. And while I'm thrilled that Pam and Jim are finally an item....I wish they would stop making such a big deal about it because you know that all that happiness is going to come to a huge horrible crashing end. I'm not sure if my heart can take it.

I've been sucked into Dancing with the Stars....next week they should really vote off everyone except racecar guy and cheetah girl. The rest is just painful to watch. Wayne Newton is so creepy looking it gives me the willies. With the black hair, orange face and deer-in-the-headlights-I've-had-too-much-plastic-surgery expression, someone should just shoot him and put him out of his misery. The good news is that if you DVR it, you can watch that sucker in under 30 minutes.

And could you believe I haven't even watched Grey's yet....I better catch up on the web. Dont tell me what's going on!

Knit Along

Knitting (and crocheting) is a form of therapy for me. My life is crazy and my brain is always going a hundred miles an hour. Clicking away on my needles helps me funnel my energy - having my hands do the moving enables my brain to slow down a bit so I can think. Something about the repetitiveness of the motions puts me into a zone of concentration (or oblivion, I've missed many train stops because of it). Not to mention it is a productive use of my commuting time. That's why I knit now.

But why I knitted "then" was slightly different. The energy I had then was a nervous anxious energy as a result of all the waiting. Waiting for appointments, waiting for test results, waiting to start the next cycle after another BFN. The knitting was the ultimate distraction - I sought out soft pretty yarns - having somewhat of an artists' eye, beautiful color combinations made me feel better just to look at them. I also attempted new and more complicated techniques. It was during my darkest days when I taught myself to knit both a pair of socks and a lace shawl. It was an alchemy of sorts...all the negativity, worry and anxiety were magically transformed into a useful and beautiful thing. It made me feel like a little bit less of a total failure.

I've been reading more about the Red Scarf Project, and while knitting for charity is a great thing, especially when it's for orphans, they seem like they are already up to their armpits in red scarves, and because they need to be gender neutral, they can be limited in design. So I'm going to make the executive decision to nix the charity knitting (you can still donate your scarf if you wish, but it's not the main focus of this knitalong).

I would like this to be more focused on us as individuals - taking the time to sit and look inward and create. It would be ideal if you can find yourself some quiet time for this purpose, but as the mom of a toddler myself, I realize this is not always possible. But if you could somehow get that alchemy going it would be awesome.

So on to choosing a pattern. I wanted to ensure that the yarn required was obtainable from any mega craft store. The options below are all for any worsted weight yarn (like Wool Ease or Simply Soft) which are widely available, and would look great in any color. I also tried to choose things that contained an element that might be new to most people and therefore a bit of a challenge. I hate knitting boring scarves...I fall out of love quickly and the project then sits unfinished. Please remember that one of the purposes of a knitalong is to help each other through the pattern, so please don't be turned off by things that look too hard. Trust me, these are all do-able. And you will be glad you rose to the challenge.

My so called Scarf - an interesting stitch pattern


Irish Hiking Scarf - cables


Column of Leaves Scarf - lace type pattern

Danica - Entrelac (this one looks harder than it is - if you can learn to pick up stitches, you can do this - the effect is stunning - check this one out, and this one and this one) It's like magic - hey magic, alchemy...hmmm.....

I'm open to any other suggestions as well. If you think these are way too challenging, let me know too.

I will accept votes until Monday the 8th. Then everyone will have one week to get yarn. I am proposing to kickoff this knitalong on October 15th, which also happens to be Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I hope you will join along! You can follow our progress on the "Infertility Sucks Scarf Along" Blog.

seafishes & starmonkeys

Okay, the etsy shop is up. Introducing:

Starfish15


Uh...you'll see that I obviously need a logo and masthead. Working on it. I had more crocheted stuff than I thought. Be kind...

*UPDATED*

Apparently, (and unfortunately) it's not so easy to just change the name of your etsy shop. So "Seafishes and starmonkeys" will have to wait for now.

THANK YOU TO ALL WHO PURCHASED SOMETHING!! I will be adding things soon - especially the swirl picture frame that was a hit. Be sure to ask me if there is something specific you would like - I love to personalize things for people!

Mel at Stirrup Queens has done it again. She has arranged to compile a list of all shops that are owned by women who will use the funds for infertility treatments or adoption. Please see the link over there on my sidebar. When shopping for gifts (don't forget Christmas is coming!!) I hope you will consider shopping at these places for your needs. You will get a great hand made gift, and will help someone become a mom. Win win if you ask me.

Funky Friday

This morning, as I am walking into my building to work, I encountered the biggest idiot on the face of this planet. To get into my building I have to go through a revolving door, which admittedly is always moving pretty quickly, especially in the morning when everyone is coming in. Getting through the door is usually uneventful. But this time, just as I get into my little one fourth section of the door, I hear shrieking in my left ear.

Apparently, a very young, very STUPID young woman who is apparently from a planet where there are no revolving doors, was unable to figure out how to safely navigate such a complex piece of machinery. I guess she misjudged the trajectory of her entry, and she almost got crushed as the door moved around. She and ended up smooshed up against me in my little section, scaring the crap out of me with the screaming. I had to do the Mr Tudball shuffle* through the door with this idiot on my back. Being the sympathetic and understanding sort that I am, I scream "WHAT ON EARTH WOULD POSSESS YOU TO DO THAT??". Sheesh. Meanwhile, she didn't even apologize or anything...when we got to the other side she practically ran into the little coffeeshop. I guess she was mortified. RIGHTFULLY SO.


So that should give you an indication of the kind of day this is. Can't wait to go home. Tomorrow we are doing a community yard sale - a bunch of houses in my neighborhood all do it the same day. It's always an interesting social experiment. I love to practically give away stuff to people who really like something, or really need something. I also really love tellling people to take a hike when they get all nasty because you won't give them a lead crystal vase for 25 cents.
Although most of my time tomorrow will probably be spent going through baby clothes right there on the front lawn...SM (seamonkey) has a closet full of clothes that don't really fit him anymore, and I am reluctant to face the fact that many things still have tags on them and were a complete waste of (mine and other's) money. I need to realize that he is at least in 12 mos size now, and it's probably a good idea to get rid of the 3-6 month sizes. Ya think? So I have his closet full, drawers, plus 3 huge plastic tubs of hand me downs from my cousin to go through. I need to pull out stuff to sell at the yardsale, stuff to sell on ebay, and stuff to give away to charity. Let me know if anyone is interested in little boy things - I would love to think that some of his things would be loved by other adopted kids.....

As for the etsy shop - I think we have a winner. Rachel came up with "Seafishes & Starmonkeys" and for some reason I can't get that out of my head. Something about how it tangles up me and the boy in a fun way. I have no idea what kind of logo/banner thing I will come up with, but it matches the whimsicalness (whimsicality?) of the items I make. And to clarify that point, most of my stuff will NOT be knitted related. I do alot of whimsical painted stuff...treasure boxes, pictures frames and things. I may throw some knitted stuff out there that I have never gifted out, but it won't be much. Sorry if I mislead you. But, once you see what kind of stuff there is, I am totally open to suggestions and will custom make anything you wish. Rachel, thankyou, and we will have to work out how you will be justly rewarded for your creativity.

If I can find a few freaking minutes of free time, maybe I can get everything finished, photographed and posted.


In the meantime, please check out these great links from adoptive moms:

Mama K Creations - Great tye dye baby stuff made by fellow blogger MamaK
The Family Gems - Beautiful bracelets - love the ones that say "believe"- by Sig
Connie at One More Ladybug is selling great International Adoption car decals - see her sidebar!



*50 points if you know this reference.

Help for a name

The Etsy shop is almost ready - although don't get too excited, I don't have a ton of stuff to list - whenever I get a free block of time, I seem to want to spend it with a certain short person in my household. But the stuff that will be there should be nice... Anyway, I need help choosing a name for my etsy shop page. Some things I've thought of:

Starfish Garden
Fifteen Starfish (15 is my lucky number)
Starfish and Seamonkeys
Chunky Seamonkey
Seamonkey Says...

Well, you see the theme I'm trying to go with here...and I don't really love any of these....do me a favor and take 2 minutes and think about it - what else do ya got?

Grumpy Monday

Okay so people aren't exactly scrambling to knit with me. Seems like it's a slow blog reading day (or that's what I'm choosing to believe) - you all must be so exhausted from the weekend - I'll give you some more time to mull it over. Just one red scarf - and I promise to pick a pattern that is totally do-able. Even if only a few of us do it it will be fun dammit!

In other news - last week my admin asked me to contribute money towards a gift for one of our staff members who is a new dad. I found out about the birth when this person suddenly asked for a week off to help "the baby's mother" while she recouperates. Yeah, one of those deals. So I decided not to be all bitter, and I gave $5. Well today I learn that a total of $285 was collected! Can you believe that?? So I'm way past bitter now - I'm into totally pissed off. Let's all give this guy a freaking car payment because he forgot to use a condom?? I don't get it! Life is so not fair. But I knew that.

Yawn. I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping terribly well these days. I find myself subconsciously worrying about every little thing lately. I guess when things are good you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Actually it's not so much subconsciously - I have been doing this really bizarre thing lately - I have been imagining these really horrible things happening to the people I love. Accident type things - and I play out entire scenes in my head. Like I'll be carrying seamonkey and I'll think "Imagine if I tripped and we both fell onto the concrete and he cracked his head open" - and that's a mild one trust me. In particular I seem to be obsessed as to when my dad is going to die. Isn't that horrible? He and seamonkey have such a strong bond that I'm thinking it would just FIGURE that something would happen to screw that all up.

I think I am just really scared that something bad is going to happen soon - the law of averages says it's got to happen sometime, no?. And those of us who have gone through infertility kind of know that you get used to bad disappointing hurtful shit happening to you so regularly that you can't believe that the good stuff will last very long.

Am I nuts? Do some of you feel that way too? Any thoughts on how to handle it?

KAL anyone?

So I've been thrilled to see that we have some knitters out there in adoption/inferitlity bloggy land! As you may know, I do have a knitting blog, but I haven't posted there in quite some time - it's been a challenge to post with any semblance of regularity on this blog, so maintaining two is OUT. So guess what? I will be consolidating - and now you get to look at knitterly things in various stages of completion from now on. Doesn't that sounds fabulous?


Okay ready? Go!

This is what I'm working on now - A blue baby kimono sweater. It's a gift for a friend. Now I just need to seam it and do the neck band. I also need to make a girly baby sweater for a friend, I was going to do this in a feminine color, but perhaps I'll just crochet something...that goes quicker for me.
Now for the items that I haven't picked up since before we got seamonkey:

A wrap (basically a big rectangle) made from worsted wieght wool, using a lace pattern I found in a magazine which I can't locate right now. Perfect for fall, but I doubt I'll finish it - I'm like a third done with it.

Entrelac baby blanket. This is just too feminine for seamonkey. When I finish it I'll probably gift or sell it on etsy. It's 100% wool and super soft, once it's blocked I'm sure it will be gorgeous and snuggly.

Bell Sleeve Pullover for myself. Thick yarn with big needles, this should go fairly fast. This is one sleeve done - it's the first sweater I've ever attempted just for me.

I wish I could plow through these projects and be done with them. I am definitely a product knitter - I like finishing and having something to show for my efforts, as opposed to some who are process knitters; enjoying the journey as much as the end product. That's SO not me.

I'm not sure if I'm going to pick up any of these UFOs any time soon (unfinished objects for all you civilians). After the baby sweaters I want to make seamonkey a stripey winter hat and scarf. And I maybe want to knit something to send to our friends in Colombia. And then I was thinking that maybe we could do a KAL?

What's a KAL you ask? Why a Knit A Long of course!

Where we all pick a pattern, knit it at the same time, help each other along and (of course) post our progress on the blog. I had this crazy idea that maybe some of you who dabble in knitting would like to try something new and exciting....maybe even learn something new? Howz about lace? Or cables? I was thinking scarf to keep things fairly quick to knit. AND, if you don't have your heart set on giving your scarf to your great Aunt Tilly for Christmas, we could even tie this in to the whole adoption thing and participate in the Red Scarf Project!

What do you think??

Some Follow Up

Well I am happy to report that this week is going much better (damn I was looking for an excuse to do some serious shoe shopping), although I should keep that on the QT in case the gods are listening - there is still tomorrow to get through. I have to attend a stupid lunch tomorrow to meet a client - an easy work day but I have to go with a bunch of sales people which is always so annoying - I can't do that chit chat thing, nor can I do the salesy schmoozy thing. Such a waste of time to me.

Anyway - just a note on my husband...while he is definitely a keeper - don't go giving him too much praise now - there were some definite benefits to him advising me to buy four tailored suits. Like how he doesn't have to hear me bitch about my lack of appropriate attire at least for the short term. That is no small thing here folks - I think his ears were starting to bleed because of it. Not to mention that I'm sure he assumes that he now has free reign to buy four tailored suits worth of fishing equipment, car magazines and grooming products. There is a method to his madness for sure - a stupid man he is not.

I am also remiss in thanking you for all of your kind words on the Birthday Bash. Again, it was nice of you all to be so complimentary, but really, I don't think I'll be winning any mom of the year awards. As I said, the weeks leading up to the event were so unbelievably stressful. I am not a good party planner AT ALL. I think and rethink every single decision a million times. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we changed the menu. And I am still feeling guilty for all the time I stuck seamonkey in his packnplay in front of the tv so I could get crap done. I do not enjoy party planning, not one little bit. In fact, I said to one friend at the end of the night "I hope you had fun because I am NEVER doing that again. Okay, MAYBE when he's five, but right now that is a very big MAYBE".



The invitations I enjoyed, because crafting is my thing. They took me a little longer than normal because I am a crazy perfectionist. But the rest was really quite simple. The food was all either cold stuff or barbecued stuff - simple recipies with few ingredients. The spongebob cake was really easier than it looks. The website not only gives you step by step instructions, but gives you videos of the whole thing too. It's basically a rectangular cake, so it wasn't all that tricky - and it uses a cake mix and canned icing. As for the cupcakes - that could not have been easier, and I got the idea from a tv show. Make any old cupcakes and any old frosting tinted with (2 whole bottles!) of red food coloring. Stick in two swedish fish with a notch cut out for claws, shoe lace licorice for legs, and halved black jelly beans for eyes. Easy peasy!

The difficult part was that I was crazy busy at work all week and everything I needed to do had to be done between Thursday night and Saturday afternoon. Words cannot express the whirlwind of activity that occurred in my house in that time frame. It was not fun at all. AT ALL.

As for husbands, I don't know what to tell you. We seem to be struggling a bit with the SAHD thing....more on that in a later post. I'm glad to see that at least of few of you have husbands with the bizarre garage unpack/repack disease. Maybe we should have a telethon.



Lastly, I never acknowledged that I was recommended for a Rockin' Girl Blogger award by Samantha at Southern Infertility. Thanks very much Samantha! As required, here are my nominations. I think I'm only supposed to list 5, but I needed to list a few more. This was pretty difficult, there are lots of great blogs I read, and many great people who have supported me throughout my journey. This list represents those blogs where I feel some kind of connection with the authors (beyond having adopted a child), as much as you can without having actually met the person anyway...



1. Samantha herself. In the spirit of "right back atcha", Samantha is an eloquent writer, describing her feelings during infertility treatments in a such a deep and thoughtful way - better than I ever could. Add to that the fact that she is a faithful reader of this blog, even when there are pics of seamonkey all over the place. She is the definition of class. Go say hi to her. She could probably use the support right now anyway.


2. Rachael at Always Wanted Four - I started reading her blog when she was in the process of bringing Katya home from Russia. Intelligent, crafty, witty - my kind of gal!



3. Jenni at Four Feet More - I love to read about the antics of high spirited Vika and handsome Eamon. We seem to have similar views on parenting and a similar sense of humor. And she knits!

4. Julie at ...And the rest is history - Our sons are extremely close in age, so it's great to get another perspective on things as we go along on this road to raising a human being. I like her candidness, both in her words and her photography.

5. Mama K - Me and Mama K go way back - we connected through our knitting blogs, and she's cheered me on from the beginning of the adoption process. Thankfully, she's never had to experience serious infertility issues, but she "gets it" nonetheless, and has always been a great supporter.


6. Shaken Mamma - This is one of the newest blogs added to my blogroll. From the first post I read, I knew this was someone I could relate to. She's hilarious, especially when she's describing her darling Chebbles and the challenges she presents to motherhood. How she manages to keep her sense of humor with all that pregnancy and nasea going on, I'm not sure.

7. Mel at Stirrup Queens - no explanation needed really. She rocks. Period.

Now go nominate some people if you haven't already, it just may make their day.


Going forward, I am going to try (TRY) to blog at least 3 times a week. No matter what, I am going to sit down and type out whatever is in my head at the moment. I want to be a better blogger. I am finding myself with this insane need to DO, to CREATE, to EXPRESS myself. I think maybe it's because life is slightly stressful now, and in the past creative outlets have helped me deal with things. It's probably because I feel validated and good about myself when people tell me they like what I've created (still working on that etsy shop!). It kind of balances out the negativity (real or self imposed) that is floating around me. So, be sure to comment regularly or I'll have to blame you for the degredation of my confidence.

A rambling account of my sucky week and it's ultimate redemption

Happy Monday. Let's hope this week is better than last week. Last week, at one point I was seriously considering jumping off a very high bridge.


It started well enough - I took last Monday off because I needed a mental health day - and I got to play Mrs. Mom for the day. It was such a wonderfully productive day - I was able to do some crafting (for that etsy shop I keep mentioning) and knitting, and laundry, and cleaning, and movie watching, all the while spending the day with my little munchkin. Man I love that kid.


Anyway, it all went down hill from there. Tuesday I woke up late, and we were in the midst of a horrible rainstorm, so I decided to drive through hellish traffic and flooding to our satellite office and spend the day there - which sometimes is good, but this time it sucked because I didn't have things I needed with me and well, just trust me it sucked.


Wednesday was even worse. Again, I woke up late. I had an extremely important 9:30 meeting to make. Okay no problem, I'll take the next train which will still get me there in plenty of time. Then some bizarre time vortex happened and before I knew it I realized I wasn't going to make the next train either. Okay the next train after that will get me there AT 9:30. Rush rush rush, yada yada yada, get in the car, look at the clock - Holy Shit you are kidding me I am going to miss this train too. So I drive like a maniac to the train station and pray to God that He doesn't choose this day to teach me a lesson and put a small animal or (GOD FORBID) a small person in the road in front of me. I thankfully avoid disaster, park and run in heels and jump onto the train right before the doors close. I sit on the train panting like a rabid dog, and try to sit quietly and will my sweat glands to stop producing. I do finally settle down...so much in fact that I get so engrossed in my book that I miss my transfer. UGH. I end up having to take a much busier much more ANNOYING route to the office. Once I finally get there, I nearly sprint to the conference room to find that....the meeting has been delayed an entire half hour. Which means I have to hang around doing nothing until it starts. So I am standing in the hallway checking the BB, and my boss comes up with a puss on his face. And he starts telling me how displeased he is with a certain issue that has come up. And goes on. and on. And drops the F bomb. And then basically says he has no confidence in my team and storms off. *SIGH*

The rest of the day was spent playing email volleyball with him, because he got himself on a nice little roll there, and decided he needed to know (and criticize) the status of every project and issue we are currently dealing with. All day long. It finally ended at about 8:30 pm - I was sitting in the parking lot of a Boston M@rket having just picked up a late dinner, and emailing him back saying that I was sorry everything was so terribly horrible but can you please just cut me a break here, I am trying very hard and I am not one for excuses, but how much can a person take?? I got what could kind of pass as an apology, and a nice note that despite his meltdown, he's happy I'm in charge over the team. There may or may not have been a few tears at that point - but if there were it was only relief that I didn't have to argue any more, that the work day was now officially over and that I could go home and have dinner with my family.

Thursday was slightly better, only to be worse again on Friday when I had to attend two different client meetings, both of which were like walking into the lion's den. I hate it when people find the need to ambush you with issues, issues that could have very easily been resolved with a phone call when first identified, instead of calling a meeting with big wigs who don't need to be involved, and don't really understand that you are making a freaking mountain out of a molehill. Or at the very least, have the courtesy to allow me to prepare to be yelled at by a different set of people who are unhappy with me this week. Needless to say, by the end of the day, I felt like I was hit by a mack truck.

The weekend was MUCH better because 1) I have the ability to switch off my brain from work and didn't give any of it another thought once I left the building and 2) I have the best husband in the world.

BT was participating in some fishing tournament thing which involved him being out of the house for practically the entire day on Saturday. This afforded me some much needed time to try and finish some craft projects, and spend quality time with the seamonkey. Did I mention I love that kid? On Sunday I accompanied BT to the closing "ceremonies" of the tournament (read: a bunch of skanky fisherman and a suck up councilman standing in the parking lot gawking over fish carcasses) and it was a beautiful day, so I walked with seamonkey along the beach, and visited a new 9/11 memorial that was constructed there. Hauntingly beautiful - it gave me goosebumps. Afterwards we dropped the boy off at the grandparents and we went shopping.

Shopping beause - I need to upgrade my wardrobe. In this new position I have much more visibility, and many more occasions that require me to wear an actual business suit. As much as that pains me, both financially (I'm cheap) and physically (I hate wearing jackets) it is a necessity. I have been dreading this shopping trip because I'm hard to fit (and to please) and I've already been to many stores with no luck. We decide to head off to L&T because they have a decent selection in my size. We started off a little rocky, I must have brought in 15 things to try on and only came out with one shirt and one suit that would have been perfect except for the front darts on the jacket that made me look *ahem* very cold. I come out to show BT that "See? It isn't my fault, my body is bizarre and uncooperative so how can I be expected to find anything decent, and ---"

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE THEM TAILOR IT?"

.....

As I'm standing there blinking at him, speechless...the fitting room attendant sticks her head out and says: "I'm sorry, did you say you needed a tailor? Would you like me to call her up here?" to which BT of course yells "YES!" We were told we would have to wait a bit since she was backed up, but would we like to continue shopping? "YES!" says BT again as he grabs me by the hand and drags me into the suits section of the store. Now I have never, ever bought a suit where both pieces are together on one hanger. I am two different sizes on top and bottom, so I have always bought separates, in separate sizes. Standing among a sea of actual real life suits, BT tells me to "Stand there and don't move". He goes around pulling suits from everywhere, in the larger size to accomodate my *cough* voluptious bosom. "But I don't like---" I start to protest... "SHUT UP." he said "YOU WILL TRY ON WHAT I GIVE YOU." And for the next 20 minutes I tried on every jacket he handed me. It went quickly - we could see what had potential and what didn't. In the end, I had 4 suits in gray, brown, black pinstripe and a pretty brown/pink pinstripe. And when the tailor came, I tried them all on and just pushed through my embarrasment (I was convinced she was going to laugh at me and tell me that she was a tailor and not a magician or something) and together we agreed on what to do to make them look better. Mostly she made the bigger pants smaller, and adjusted some jacket seams to skim my curves better. The total for the alterations was just $80!! And the suits themselves were all at least 30% off or better, and the saleswoman gave me a 20% coupon for everything. Tell me can you beat that?? Stacey and Clinton would be so proud!!

So it ended up okay. I'm hopeful this is a better week. If not, I'm definitely going shoe shopping next weekend!

Oh and the husband? Don't worry, he was justly rewarded...if you know what I mean.....

I remember

I can't believe it's been six years. It seems like just yesterday.


People say that everyone's forgotten, that's it's "business as usual". To me, that's true and it isn't. I walk by ground zero at least 3 times a week. The fact that there is a gigantic hole where there used to be buildings is not something I can ever get used to. There is life there now...vendors and business people and tourists. And for that I am glad. They are the evidence that life IS going on, but I would rather that than empty cold dark concrete. Each time I walk by that place I think about how we have literally risen from the ashes. I feel a little like it is my responsibility to keep walking there, to show that we are still alive, still free.


If you didn't observe the moment of silence this morning, won't you do it now? Close your eyes and send a prayer of thanks, a prayer of healing, a prayer of hope.

God Bless America.

(My post last year described my 9/11 experience, if you are interested, read it here)

The Birthday Bash

Holy crap I have been insanely busy. The weeks leading up to the boy's first birthday party were pure chaos. Of course, because of how my life works, the several days directly preceeding the party were the busiest I've ever had at work ever. EV-ER. I took the Friday before off, and of course that's the day my company decides to prepare for the big board meeting the following week, and the president of the company is calling all over God's creation to find me. Good thing I didn't answer the blackberry, as I was up to my eyeballs in balsamic vinegar and canned icing (trying to multi-task).

It really did end up being a great time. We had a beautiful day, almost everyone invited attended and said repeatedly how much fun they had. We even got to know our neighbors better, they've lived next door for 2 years, and have a 2 year old daughter but we never really saw them. We invited them to the party and they still seem to like us after meeting my entire family! The only bad thing was that I didn't take any video, and didn't take nearly enough pictures. The memories though, are priceless.

Here's what we ate:

Steamed Crabs (caught locally, and made with O'Brycki's seasoning, better than Old Bay and a great Baltimore restaurant)

Hamburgers & Hot Dogs

Key West Chicken (made with boneless chicken thighs)

Marinated Flank Steak skewers (marinated and prepped by the butcher)

Potato Salad (from Costco - try it, it's amazing)

Corn on the cob (fresh local farm corn, so sweet!)

Mid-Summer Bread Salad (again with local farm produce)

BT's Salad (he's famous for it - green salad with sugared pecans, gorgonzola, red onion, pears in balsamic dressing)

Lessons I've learned:

1. Never start major home improvements less than a month before a party. You think it's good motivation to get your husband to finally do stuff, but all it does is strain your marriage and give you huge. throbbing. headaches. We had a paving stone patio put in and built a second floor deck. Yes I am insane.

2. Never ask your dad to do the aforementioned home improvements. Or if you do, remember that he is now 67 and can not move at the pace you need him to. I swear to you that no less than 5 hours before the party my backyard looked like the tool corral at Home Depot. I finally had to say "DAD FORGET THE TRIM, WE WILL LIVE WITHOUT IT FOR NOW".

3. Never trust your husband to do everything you need him to do while you are at work. I made lists upon lists, and each night when I got home I heard about all the stuff he did that was NOT on the list. Honestly, do your husbands have the insane habit of repeatedly "cleaning out the garage" which really consists of taking all the crap out of the garage, strewing it all over the driveway, and then putting it right back in again, rearranging it so that you can't find a damn thing? Or is that just my husband? How does this help prepare for a party??

4. Wear comfortable shoes when entertaining. I must have went in and out of the house sixty four thousand times.

5. Listen to your mom when she tells you how much food you are going to need. If you don't, then you will run out (or come dangerously close). Listen to your dad about how much beer you are going to need. Otherwise, you need to make a beer run at 9pm.

6. Having an extra fridge in the garage is an absolute Godsend. It's the one "not on the list" thing I have forgiven him for.

7. If you are going to make a big elaborate cake, make sure you give yourself enough time. This way you aren't rushing and accidentally leave out ingredients. Also make sure you aren't tired, or you will be punchy; when you laugh too much your hand shakes and you can't squeeze out icing consistently. Oh and when recipes say 4 oz of red food coloring it is not a misprint, that means TWO WHOLE BOTTLES. And for God sakes be careful or else everything will be red.

8. Boiled crabs are not good the next day. Leftover crab cupcakes however, are great for breakfast.

9. When you really really need him, your brother will come through for you. He cleaned, he babysat, he shucked corn and iced cakes. Could he finally be maturing? I won't hold my breath, but it sure was nice while it lasted.

10. When people offer to help you, TAKE THEM UP ON IT.

Extra Extra....

Read all about it...

Guess what foks, I am going to be a reporter! Well, sort of. I have agreed to be a reporter for the fabulous Mel at Stirrup Queens. If you haven't checked it out yet (have you been living under a rock?) her blog is an awesome resource for infertiles. Her blog is a wealth of information for any woman connected to infertility(including assisted conception and adoption) and all around great place to make connections with others. As I've said before, I still feel an odd connection to infertile blogs, even though I've now moved on from treatments and have adopted a child. I really feel like it is my responsibility to continue to provide support to the community that helped me through my difficult times.

So going forward, I will be providing Mel with news on the International Adoption front to be included in her daily newsletter. This newsletter is a place to report happy news, as well as anytime a blogger might need some love or support. So along with my usual blogroll, I'll be checking on those blogs listed under International Adoption and Parenting after International Adoption on Mel's site for all things newsworthy. If you'd like to be added to either blogroll, please let me know and I'll be sure to have you added. Also, if you know of any news to be shared, let me know that too.

How awesome is the internet??

I am officially a mommy blogger....

Many times I post comments on blogs where I dont really "know" the author. New blogs or ones where I am usually just a lurker. I am always concerned about what post they will see when they follow my link back to my blog. "There's only one chance to make a first impression" as the saying goes. Will they read it and decide I'm an idiot and never come back? Are they infertiles who will be turned off by all the pictures of seamonkey? Ultimately I know that I have no control over that sort of thing. And mostly I don't really care what other people think - but I would be less than honest if I said that I didn't want a new person to click here and think I was not your typical mommy blog-fabulously funny- must add her to my bloglines right now kind of blogger.

So it's with much trepidation that I present you with my very first mommy blog poop story.

Last week, I was giving Seamonkey his nightly bath. I was thinking about how I haven't been taking much video lately, so I get the camera to take a little footage of him in the tub. Tub time is a particularly fun time for seamonkey, he's very animated and talkative so it's great video fodder. So I'm taping him...la la la....and he's swirling around the tub and slips a little so that he is kind of laying down in his tub (we put his tub inside our regular tub) and he gets all quiet and glassy eyed. I assume you see where this is going. I will spare you the actual video, but here's the audio:

Me: What are you doing?
Me: You better not be pooping.
Me: Are you pooping?

Me: UGH YOU POOPED IN THE TUB! GROSSSSS!!! BEEEETTEEEEEE!!!!!

At this point I put the camera down on the counter, still filming, and forgot about it. So you then hear me and BT debating how best to remove offending fecal matter and next steps. You can clearly hear wet wriggling baby making unhappy noises. Ultimately, BT decides to get the cat litter box scooper. He cleans and disenfects the tub while I hold the baby, unwilling to let his poop water ensconced body touch anything else until he can be rewashed. His skin was a little pinker than usual by the time he was in his pyjamas.

Fast forward to last night. Boy in tub. Boy laying back in tub and splashing really really hard - snow angel style. Screaming, laughing, waving arms, water everywhere. He got himself very worked up. Really worked up. Again. No floaters, just brown water. LOL Sorry I know that's TMI but you need to really get the visual.

Beeeeeeteeeeeeeeeeeee
What?
Guess What?
He didn't
He did.
WHAT. THE. HELL.

I was laughing so hard I almost lost my own bodily functions. Which was making seamonkey laugh hysterically which just made me laugh harder. BT was not so amused.


I am so playing that video at his wedding.

On discipline...

As I mentioned in my last post, we have reached the point where Seamonkey is old enough to require some kind of discipline. Right now, he throws these little mini tantrums when he doesn't get his way. As soon as I piss him off, he starts this screechy cry, grabs my hand and bites it, clearly in an agressive way. He only does this to me and my mom...not to BT or my dad. I'm sure that alot of it has to do with the crankiness from teething, but I still need to address it.

I have been experimenting on how to deal with this, but obviously it would be best if I was consistent in my approach. I've tried just pulling my hand away and ignoring the tantrum, letting him cry. I've tried "changing the subject" and distracting him with a toy or something. I've tried yelling "NO BITING!". I've even tried a light smack on the mouth (do not lecture me I'm exploring methods). To be honest, all of these have had mixed results. Sometimes he cries harder, sometimes he stops.

I googled around a bit and realized how many vastly different parenting approaches there are out there. I've come to the conclusion that every kid is different and responds to different techniques. My son, the little bugger that he is, does not respond at all to yelling. He has no fear of me. If I yell "NO THROWING FOOD" when he's chucking his lunch over the sides of his highchair, he pauses, looks me dead in the face, and while still holding my stare, picks up more food, holds it over the side and opens his hand. If that kid wasn't cute he'd be on the moon by now. It's all I can do not to crack up from the audacity this kid has. I just shake my head because I know that God is giving me just what I deserve.

Anyway, he does seem to react most to praise. As I've said before, he believes everything requires applause. So I try to focus on praising him when he does something right. But Lord, I feel like I'm turning into June Cleaver, and that this kid will think every time he farts it's cause for celebration. You know it's bad when I'm in a meeting and when something good happens I clap my hands and say "Yay!". OY.

I think I need to read some parenting books, if for nothing else than to find out what will and won't work for my particular child. I came across this Interesting website which helps you figure out which style might be best for you. My scores indicated the Sears method might be the best for me, but I'm not sure...might be a little too lenient for my personality type - I'll have to read it for myself to see. If you figure out your score, let me know how you came out. I was raised pretty strictly, and I'm a no nonsense kind of gal, so I don't believe in spoiling a child or coddling them too much. But I don't want to be a cold unfeeling bitch either. I think that kind of comes out in my writing, so if you are like me, maybe you can recommend your methods or books that have helped you.

This is such an interesting time for me - I can really see how one's actions can have a profound effect on a child's development.

Monthly Update - 10 & 11 months old

Dear Seamonkey:

It's been a busy summer! I didn't take nearly as many pictures and videos that I would have liked in these past two months. We run around so much that many times we forget the camera, and I need to do a better job remembering to capture all the little moments of your childhood. Despite the pictures though, I am confident that we are making lots of good memories for you.

This month, we've seen alot of this face:

You are having a terrible time with your teething. You've had two teeth come in at once, your left eye tooth and your right front. You don't really drool at all, and you don't seem to get fevers...the worst part is that it turns your personality from happy to evil in 2.3 seconds. It prevents you from falling asleep and once you do, makes you wake up crying quite a bit. We give you lots of baby orajel and cold freezy toys which do help you. The good news is that once we've relieved your pain, you're back to being your fabulous pleasant self.

You still don't stop moving. This is another familiar sight:A blurred image of you crawling away from me. One of your favorite things to do is to crawl up and down the hallway - and you are remarkably fast for a little thing. You are still cruising around, and now you've gotten fancy using only one hand. It's only a matter of time before you're walking. We've been encouraging you with the use of your car walker:

You get so proud of yourself that you applaud, and don't realize that you're standing on your own:

Then you do this weird trick that you taught yourself - putting your hands on your head. This may be the "so big!" that your Aunt M taught you - I can't be sure because we don't teach you that at home.

Speaking of tricks, you stopped doing "bye bye" for some reason. You won't do it no matter how many of us are waving back at you. You're still babbling in your own language, but still no real words yet, even though we're trying desperately to teach you some basics. You've also started this move:

Which you'll do in response to "wahoo!". And then there's this new trick which I'm going to say you got from your father:

You are getting better at feeding yourself:We've been trying to increase the amount of table food you get, but unfortunately, after a few bites you start winging it over the sides of your highchair. When that happens, it's a sign you clearly won't be eating anymore, so we take it away. You're still eating baby food, and I'm trying to figure out a good way to get you off of it. I have found that this part of your life is the most challenging for us - trying to transform you from a baby to a toddler. We've gotten very used to doing things the baby way, and we are starting to see that you are growing up fast!You are becoming very head strong - if I stop you from doing something, like standing up in the bathtub, or dunking your face into the suds (you end up choking yourself) or gnawing on the crib rails, you start to throw a tantrum. When you do, you try to grab me and bite me. Isn't that special? So discipline is something else we've started to explore. We're trying to figure out how to best handle these situations, yelling NO!, or ignoring it, or distracting you from the behavior or a combo of all those things. I know that what we do now will affect your behavior going forward, so we want to get things right. It looks like you are going to test us at every turn!

But most of the time you're a very good boy. We took you camping with us and you held up better than mommy did, that's for sure.

You still love the pool, especially the one that Grandma and Grandpa bought you for the yard.

It's been a blessing during these hot days. We can't wait to put you back into swimming lessons after you turn one. We can NOT believe that in a few short weeks you will one year old! This time has really flown. You are an amazing, adorable, wonderful little boy. We love you very much!

8 Obscure things meme

Thanks Julie for tagging me for this meme that has kept me up nights. I had the worst time coming up with 8 things you don't know about me, which is funny considering, well, none of you really know me at all. It was tricky to come up with something you might find remotely interesting. Here's what I got:

First, here are the rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. Eight is a magic number. Not three.

1.The fact that I love the beach is no secret. I'd rather be there than anywhere else in the world. I've spend much of my life on the shore or on a boat. The weird part? I can't swim.

2. I can't wear contact lenses. Apparently, my eyeballs are shaped funny which precludes me from wearing them without them feeling like hot flaming barbed wire pokers. I've tried every brand they make. And each year I try the new ones that promise to be even more "breathable" than the ones before. So I wear glasses all the time instead. On my wedding day, I refused to wear glasses so I was just blind the entire day. I am too scared to get the laser surgery.

3. I played the clarinet in school for 8 years. I made it up to second seat at one point. I was also in the marching band and was asked to be the drum majorette but I chickened out because they didn't have a majorette uniform in my size and one of the mom's volunteered to make one (talk about teenage social suicide). I quit the band altogether to take typing in my senior year. My conductor was heart broken. Considering I can type about 85wpm, I'm glad I took the typing course. Not so much use for the clarinet in my current position.

4. I am a daydreamer. If I am stuck somewhere with nothing to do, like a car or train ride, I can make up entire stories in my head. If I'm listening to music, I'll pretend I am performing the song in front of an audience. Or I'll play out a scene in my head about running into an old boyfriend, or recreate a conversation I had where I get to really say all the things I wanted to say the first time. Or sometimes I'm the heroine in a favorite book or movie. I have favorite daydreams that I'll think about for a while until I come up with a better one. This also helps me get to sleep.

5. Though I consider myself a very rational, sane person, I sometimes have difficulty separating fantasy from reality, particularly when it comes to celebrities I favor. For example, I do not want to see Jim Krazinski in any other role than Jim from the Office, so I don't watch or read any interviews with him because it will spoil the illusion. I don't read about my favorite bands/musicians because I want to always feel like the songs I connect with are just for me - I don't want to find out if they are really jerks, or if the song had a totally different meaning. I need these people to remain the way they are in my head.

6. I originally wanted to be architect. A family member convinced me to be a civil engineer, because you can be an architect and get paid more. I went to school for 3 years to do just that, and then much to the dismay of my parents (and their bank accounts) I decided I hated it. I had to really struggle just to get a C, and while I'm all for a woman being in a male dominated industry, I just couldn't hack it. I switched schools, and switched majors (Accounting) and crammed the rest of remaining credits into another year and half, taking all summer and winter sessions. Thank God I did, though. I met my husband within the first month at my new school. He still has the first note I passed him in Government Accounting over 15 years ago.

7. In my freshman year of college, I almost joined a latina sorority, even though I am not remotely latin. I grew up in schools that were at least 75% minority, so when I got to college, I connected more with those I was familiar with (the fact that I met some people who had never met a black person before college completely blew me away). The only reason I didn't go through with it was that I started dating a guy who's ex girlfriend was the president of the sorority. It would have given new meaning to the word "hazing". I'm gutsy, but not stupid.

8. Related to #2, but deserving to be listed on it's own - in college I preferred to go to latin and african-american frat and sorority parties instead of the typical beer funnel fests thrown by the "white" ones. They were so much more fun than their anglo counterparts. Less drinking, more dancing. Therefore, while others were rocking out to the new grunge scene - I was sweating it up dancing to hip hop and house music, and watching step shows (like this)- hard to believe, but this whitey white girl knows all the words to FAR too many rap and hip hop songs (who's that....browwwwnnnn - 5pts if you know that one too). Alas, my talent goes unappreciated, because I married the whitest man on earth. He especially dislikes it when he gets in the car turns on the ignition and finds that I left my XM radio channel "The Rhyme" blasting. Oops. My bad!

I'm not tagging anyone else, I don't want anyone losing any sleep on my account. Play along if you'd like. Someone else tagged me on something similar, but I seem to have forgotten who that was. Sorry!

Today 3 inches of rain was dumped on this city in under 2 hours. This had disastrous effects on our subways, trains and traffic. It is almost a 100 degrees out, and the humidity is so high it feels like pea soup out there and it is even difficult to breathe. My commute this morning was torturous, not to mention what my hair looks like. I am going to get in my car, pump the air up to max, turn on my hip hop and brave the commute home. Pray for me.