Greetings from Cloud 9

Yes, it's true! We got THE CALL. I still can't believe it, even though it's been 9 hours since we got it. It's been a whirlwind of a day as you can imagine.

So I'm sitting at my desk, trying to wrap up some things before we all leave to go to the company Thanksgiving luncheon. Every year they cater food, set up an unused floor in our building and invite the whole company to eat. It's about 10 minute to 1:00, and we're all supposed to leave at 1:00. The phone rings and it's the agency, and I of course think "ooooh could this be the call?" But then she starts talking about Thanksgiving, and then asks about a fee we haven't paid yet, all nice enough, but made me think "nah, she would have started out with that kind of news". So then she starts talking about something and I think she's telling me about a holiday social event, but the phone connection gets really bad and I can't hear her. We do a 5 minute scene from the Verizon commercial - Can you hear me now - and I manage to tell her I'll call her back. When I hang up I realize I didn't have her phone number. I search around a bit, and then decide to look up the agency website. I get interrupted a few times but eventually get the number and call her back. She was all exasperated when we finally had a clear connection, and she says "what I was TRYING to tell you was that there is a little boy in Colombia waiting for you".
...
...

Uh, come again?

My mind went into overdrive and I vaguely recall her telling me about paperwork and visas, and I finally managed to get out WHAT IS HIS NAME AND WHEN WAS HE BORN. Oh yes, she said, I have that info right here! SO my wonderful internet friends, we are the proud parents of one baby boy born September 1, 2006. I wrote down some chickenscratch with my shaking hands, and I think it says that he is now 11lbs, 7oz. We are still debating on whether to keep his given name...we kind of like it, but it's not all that common. She emailed me his picture and honestly, he is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. I immediately called my husband and told him that I had good news and bad news. The bad news was, that we would have to cancel the Florida trip we booked for Dec 7th. The good news of course, was that he had a son. (A son! We have a son!). I'm not going to post his picture here quite yet, it's still a little early for that.

And the craziest part is, we leave WEDNESDAY! As in THIS FREAKING WEDNESDAY!!! Uh, yeah, we're screwed because we do not have anything ready but I don't even care. All that stuff will fall into place. I will be a shopping fiend this weekend! Note to self: Call and ask when the hell that crib is getting delivered! We do have a bit of scrambling to do to make sure we have all the paperwork and stuff done before we leave. We're actually cutting things really close, so it's going to take some fancy footwork (translation: showing of baby pictures to government officials and begging, crying and pleading to speed things up) but I think it will all work out!

We told everyone we know except for the hubby's side. We're seeing them tomorrow for Thanksgiving, and we want to announce it in person. Tot ell my parents, we had made up a little card that said "You are the proud grandparents of x!" with his picture. I walked in the house and said "you aren't going to believe this" and handed it to my mom. She scrunches up her face and says "Who's X?" Mom, read it again. Still nothing. MOM. READ IT AGAIN. OUT LOUD. Yeah, she finally got it. Seems she thought I was showing her evidence of yet another person having a baby before us. Nope! We had champagne, and then proceeded to call everyone we knew. Lots of screams. Lots of crying.

I'll do a separate post about what the next steps are in the process. AS I said, I have alot to do over the next few days. And, Colombia has only one trip, but it is a long one.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I know we will. I have alot to be thankful for, and besides the obvious, I am thankful for this wonderful support community that has really helped me through this whole process. Blessings to you and your families.

Now I need to try to get some sleep!

WHAT?!

"Yes, you heard me. It's a boy."

Taking Inventory

First, a big thank you to my secret pal. I received a lovely card and an adorable post card from her. Sorry I'm so late in posting the thanks, but they were both wonderful surprises in a sea of junk mail. Thanks for thinking of me. I especially liked the postcard, which had a cute little baby in fishing attire!

And thank you all so much for the great response to my last post. I'm glad that many of you knew exactly what I was talking about. I do admit though, that I don't always feel so optimistic. Sometimes in those weak moments I am still frustrated with the situation. But in general, as I said, I'm in a much better place.

Anyway, I've been tagged twice by both Jill and Lauri (I wasn't this popular in high school) to give you the contents of my purse. I warn you, it's not all that exciting. I also never use the word purse. If anything, I say "pocketbook", but most times I just say "bag" because it is always a very big bulky thing. Commuting to the city requires I keep all my provisions close at hand, in case of..oh I don't know, a national disaster or a blackout or something. Currently I have a big black leather totey thing...I also have a big hot pink bag, but since I am wearing a hot pink fall jacket, I switched off so as not to blind my fellow passengers with all the pinkness (Lauren, you thought you cornered the market on Project Pink, but alas you were wrong). Here goes:

• Brown bag lunch (eating out everyday here will make you broke)
• Blackberry
• Wallet
• My "coupon pouch" (a small leather zippered thing that holds all my gift cards, member reward cards, coupons, etc)
• Metrocard (for the subway)
• 3 pens
• Chanel lip gloss (it's almost empty, but I can't replace it because the name's worn off and I got it for free originally)
• Six inch ruler (for knitting)
• Small ball of leftover sock yarn
• Two knitting patterns
• Two expired AC Moore coupons
• Mets baseball game ticket stub
• Two work IDs (one for the building, one for my floor)
• Remembrance card from my uncle's wake
• 86 cents in change
• One peppermint
• Earphones (to my ipod which is home cause I can't get the damn thing to work)
• Train schedule
• Three old paystubs
• A photocopy of a Wall Street Journal article related to my work
• The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon (I'm reading this week instead of knitting, giving the wrists a break for a change. If you haven't read the Outlander series, you should. It's considered an adult adventure series (don't be fooled by the romance stuff)- full of action, suspense, and just the right amount of romance and smut mixed in. You'll be addicted).

Now isn't that exciting??

Margaret had a great idea to post a favorite family recipe. I think I'll do that next. You too, kay?

Oh Well

So no call. Which pretty much means it's not going to happen this year. Since the average in-country stay is 6 weeks, and since the country pretty much closes down from 12/15 to 1/15, if it were to happen this year we would have already gotten the call. I am a little disappointed, because I really thought it was going to happen before Christmas, and I am usually right about those things! I guess it is partly our fault, because we could have gotten our paperwork in a little earlier. I thought at the time that we were the only people going through our agency and therefore had more time. I didn't know that there were really two other couples ahead of us. Maybe if I had realized that I would have moved my butt a little faster. Oh well.

But don't cry for me Argentina...I'm okay with waiting actually. I was thinking about that today...wondering why I am not freaking out about it. For someone who gets pissed off if she has to wait 2 extra seconds on the express line at the grocery store, you think I'd be throwing a hissy fit. I think I figured it out though. I think it's because I am enjoying my freedom from infertility. The last three years (before we stopped treatment in February) were a complete nightmare. Shots and hormones and baby showers (oh my!) were a constant drain on my mental state. Once we finally stopped treatment, I stopped being defined by my infertility. I went back to being a wife, a daughter, a sister, a boss, a friend. Not at first of course, it took time to remember how to be happy and hopeful again. I could liken it to a hibernation of sorts...I came out of the dark cave disoriented and squinting from the bright sun, and needed to slowly get used to the real world again. It's no small thing. People who haven't been through it don't get it, and maybe I didn't realize myself how bad I was until now, when I can see how changed I am. I've wasted so much time being miserable that it is such a relief to again find joy in the smallest things...watching tv with my husband, shopping for new clothes, going to lunch with a girlfriend (which I did yesterday for the first time in a VERY long time), happy hour with co-workers. I think it's important for me to relish this time, so that I am really ready for motherhood and not weighed down by grief and frustration that plagued me for so long. And while we would have loved to have the baby home for the holidays, we can see the benefit of enjoying one last Thanksgiving and Christmas with just us. We'll be parents for the rest of our lives (whether you like it or not as my mom says!) so another few months won't kill us. I also try to remember that no matter how frustrating this process is, it does not ever compare to the pain we experienced during the treatment years.

I've found myself visiting the infertility blogs much more often these days. I'm not sure why. I feel like I still need to be connected to that world. It's a sisterhood I will always be a part of, so maybe I don't want them to forget me (or me them). I guess I am in a place now where I am comfortable rooting them on. I do feel sad when I see other women clearly still defined by their infertility. Women struggling to decide when enough is enough. I feel that it is my responsibility to offer what support I can, even if it is just to tell them I've been there and yes, it sucks monkey toes, and yes, it's okay to cry until you're numb. Maybe too, some will see that there is life after infertility, that eventually you wake up from a halfway decent night's sleep and not hate yourself. That you manage to get up the energy to do your hair a little fancy, put on that new eyeshadow and smile at yourself in the mirror. That you find yourself singing to the radio more and kissing your husband hello when you get home. That adoption might be the path you were always meant to take, even if the road is a little longer than you first thought.

Happy Monday

(Yawn). Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Yes, I’m just sitting here zoning out into space. What? No. No news yet. Last night there were three (three!) messages on the phone, but alas, they were just various desperate politicians trying to make a last minute plea for my vote for tomorrow. It really is a game of pick the one who will do the least amount of damage and perhaps won’t be indicted for a crime. Rock the vote people.

Things are kind of boring around here. Work is getting interesting…there may be some changes soon that could be a good thing for me..so we’ll see. A co-worker found out that she got her referral from China today! Woo Hoo for her. I’ve got to go get her a card as soon as I finish interviewing someone who, actually, should be here by now. One demerit – late for the interview. Doesn’t look good, pal. You’ll all be happy to know that The Fish is still alive and well, and still very pregnant. And still obnoxious. Aforementioned co-worker said that if she hears about her delivery date one more time she’s going to scream. Thank goodness I don’t have that much interaction with her. Although I saw her in a meeting recently and she looked like someone hit her one too many times with the ugly stick. Even my boss (a guy who never participates in catty crap) turns to me and says “So I guess she didn’t feel like washing her hair today?”. At first he thought she dyed it. Nope. Just greezy.

This weekend was mostly uneventful. I spent Saturday with my cousin K who is hanging in there after the death of her dad. Getting through the upcoming holidays is not going to be easy for them. It was a delight being with her two kids. M who is almost 5 is just the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen. I taught him a few knock knock jokes and now that’s all he wants to do. The only ones I remember are the ones with the punchlines “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana” and “Olive you too”. If you’ve got any good ones let me know, I’ll be a hit next time I see him. N is 6 months old now and I was only a little freaked out holding her and wondering how soon I will be holding my own! Let’s hope it’s soon so they will be close in age.

Sunday we did some shopping, and I went to return something at a store that rhymes with Falbots and the very nasty clerk with a Napoleon complex said, “What’s the matter with it, it was too tight??” Umm..excuse me cranky pants, but why must you assume IT was too SMALL and I was too BIG?? I actually laughed out loud and looked at my husband who just shook his head. No actually, the jacket was too BIG thank you very much, and just for that I want you to call every store in the tri state area and find the right size for me (Insert sarcastically cheesy obnoxious grin here). Sheesh, what’s with people anyway? She’s not going to last through the holiday season! Speaking of which, not to freak you out but do you realize there are only 7 weekends before Christmas?! YIKES MAN!

Oh! Last week I did go to see Elton John. AWESOME concert. His voice is still so amazing. Okay so he couldn’t hit all the high notes anymore (the “zeen” part of “I read it in a magaz-een from Benny in the Jets is now sung way down low!) but he sang every great hit you could think of. My mom loved it. Of course, I had the obligatory obnoxious people sitting in front of me. You know, the kind that in the middle of a song (slow song, fast song, whatever) raise their beer up and yell ‘WOOOOOOOO!’ for no apparent reason. Over. And. Over. They apparently were there for the overpriced beer. They kept getting up and making these poor older people get up and let them out, then came back with more beer and reeking of cigarettes. Thank goodness they left early. It was almost as amusing as the concert itself!

I still have not done one bit of preparedness for a new baby. I am of the belief that the second I start, it will confirm that the referral will not come until next year. Yes I am aware how ridiculous that is. I am still holding out hope that it will come in the next 2 weeks. Probably not likely, but a girl can dream. On the Colombian Adoption message boards, someone got a referral to my orphanage on Friday, so it’s still possible. So since you crossing your fingers and toes probably won’t help (save it for those out there who really need the prayers) leave your favorite knock knock joke in the comments.

Oh, and you'll notice I've decided to take my name off of my blog. I'm getting more hits than I ever thought I would, and while that makes me very happy, it also makes me paranoid about who might find me!

Happy Monday.

National Infertility Awareness Week

Wow. I was astounded by the response to my post about pregnancy. I had no idea that so many people felt the same way…even some of you who had actually been pregnant! I thought I was in the minority, but apparently not. I would also like to specifically thank my readers who are “breeders" (you know I mean that in the most loving way possible). It takes a bit of courage to regularly post on an infertile’s blog, and I appreciate that you have the guts to do it. It is always good to get your perspective on things, not to mention that it’s good for you guys to remind us you’re not all bad!!

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.

There are many things you can do this week, but I urge you to check out Infertility’s Common Thread movement. A description of this movement (source & more info here) is as follows:

"For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile...there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It's rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

As someone who has had 5 m/c but am currently 5 months pregnant (YEAH), I wonder who looks at my big belly with sadness because they are in the month-to-month struggle. I mentioned to a friend that I wished there was some secret nod or international sign as if to say, this belly was hardwon. Well, she posted this quandary on her blog (http://www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/) and the response has been quite overwhelming...and a movement has been born!

The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasingthis pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others. Just thought I would pass the word along!"

I plan on making my bracelet tonight and wearing it long after this week is over. I hope the movement of the Pomegranate Thread continues. I will wear it proudly when I am playing with my children, as a sign to all that there is life after infertility. Perhaps someone just starting down that road will see it and it will give them hope. Or maybe just comfort that they are not alone. I think it is important to keep this link even after we adopt. I hope you will consider wearing it.

Also PLEASE POST THIS on your own blog to spread awareness of this movement. Thanks!!

Why Mondays Suck, or Why you should never let your cell phone battery die

Me: [Picks up pay phone and dials number]

Recorded Message: Please deposit...fifty cents...please

Me: [Drops two quarters in]

.....

.....

Operator: Please deposit fifty cents ma'am

Me: I did.

Operator: Please hold

Operator: Did you get your change returned?

Me: [Checks coin return] No.

Operator: Well, then you will have to call the refund number you see on the phone.

Me: Are you kidding?? This phone just ate my money! I need to get in touch with my husband in the next five minutes!

Operator: Ma'am, how do I know that you really put money in??

Me: Well, if I call the refund department, how will THEY know any better than you??

Operator: Ma'am, that makes absolutely no sense and you know it. CLICK.


Needless to say, my husband, who had to wait 45 mintues for me at the train station, was very pissed. I tried to explain that Ma Bell was being a bitch, but for some reason he didn't laugh.

Babes, Test tube and otherwise

First let me say that I am old. I am old because I threw out my back. I have never done this before. Nor have I ever said “threw out my back”. I think only old people say that. But the worst is how I did it. I sneezed. Someone call the nursing home, I need a bed. I spent Saturday mostly immobile, but we did go to the movies. I went despite my bad back because my husband wanted to go, and he NEVER wants to go. He has the attention span of a gnat, and therefore needs other forms of distraction like the computer or magazines to look at while he watches a movie. He’s strange folks what can I say. Anyway, he wanted to see The Departed. Did anyone see that yet? If so, I would like to know what you think. Email me so you don’t spoil anything in the comments. The only thing I will say here is…When did Leo DiCaprio get so delicious and why didn’t anyone tell me? He totally went all Anthony Michael Hall people!!. All bulked up and hunky, and my oh my did he always have blue eyes? Anyway, on to more serious matters….

Tonight on PBS, the American Experience series is airing a documentary on Test Tube Babies. It will discuss the early days of IVF and the moral and political debates that went on at that time. An article about it is posted here.

You want to hear something really stupid? At the time I was having infertility treatments, I totally didn’t realize that our child (assuming it worked HA!) would be a test tube baby. I didn’t make the connection. I remember one day I was sitting at the blood drawing station waiting for the sadist nurse, and there was a poster on the wall (I think it was an advertisement for a drug company) that showed a big cartoon test tube with these cherub faced little babies literally swimming around inside it. I remember thinking, Oh Heh, test tube babies, get it? Then it hit me. Yikes. I remembered how the whole world was making such a big deal about it when I was a kid. And now there I was. It’s so common now it’s ridiculous. Besides the fact that the RE’s office was always JAMMED, you can’t talk to anyone these days without hearing about at least 2 or 3 people who are having “trouble” conceiving! Makes you wonder if it’s something environmental, or just the simple fact that we are all having babies older than our parents did. My mom was 22, can you imagine! I cringe to think what I was doing in college instead of being a responsible adult with a family!

The religious debate is particularly interesting to me. Someone I know who went through IVF spoke to her priest about it because she was so distraught over it. The priest had a very interesting take on it. He said that if your body is not working properly, you take the necessary steps to fix it. Like dialysis, and heart transplants, IVF is just another way to overcome those things. They had a loving marriage and wanted to fulfill their vows of procreation and raising children in the faith. So they need a little help...is that so bad? I have always remembered that, and it helps me to justify why I did it myself.

Anyway, I'm going to try to catch it tonight, if you watch it, let me know what you thought.

Can also say something? You may find it quite shocking. I've been thinking about it alot lately, and thought I would put it out there: I have never really wanted to be pregnant. There I said it. Still standing? Think I’m nuts? I know that many women feel that being pregnant is the ultimate in terms of being a woman. Not me. Don’t know what it is, but the thought of being pregnant always seemed like the Alien movies to me. It sounds gross and weird, not beautiful and natural. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed it didn’t work, but mostly because I didn’t want to let everyone else down…my husband, our parents. (Also because I don’t like to lose. At anything. Don’t play pictionary with me, it’s not pretty. I’m like Grace Adler, seriously) But ever since I was young, I could never picture myself pregnant. You know how sometimes you can picture yourself married, or having a dog, or owning a house? I could never conjure up a mental picture of me pregnant. My mom mentioned in passing once (knowing my feelings on the subject) that maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Could be, who knows. I did try my very best though, I did everything I could all three tries. Consciously anyway. I even had a special acupuncture treatment the day of the transfer the last time. Stupid uterus.

The good news is that I have always pictured my self with children. Specifically, I’ve had this mental picture of me walking and holding a little girl’s hand. Funny thing is, I don’t think this referral will be a girl. Whenever I look at girly baby clothes I think, “oh too bad”. But we will be adopting another, so THAT must be the girl, right?. Or I can just be nuts. Either way I am very lucky that my husband is okay with everything. Of course we’re both a little sad that we won’t be able to pass on our own DNA and all the quirkiness that goes with it, but I think we’ll be able to nurture that kid into our own brand of lunacy to make up for what nature could not.

Thanks & Other Ramblings

Dear Secret Bloggy Pal: THANK YOU!!

I came home Wednesday night after the funeral to change my clothes and head back out to my aunt's for dinner. Imagine my surprise when I found a package on my doorstep:

Beautiful miniature roses! I love them. Thank you pal, whoever you are. It really made my day. It was very nice of you to think of me. I really appreciate it, what a nice thing to do. I can't wait to find out who you are!

There is really nothing else (nothing could top those roses!), so you get some bits of randomness:

I loved some of your "believe it or not" comments on my last post. Steph, you take the cake. Freaky. I had a very vivid dream about an ex-boyfriend once...I remember he was wearing a white t-shirt and he was hugging me and saying goodbye. He looked trim and fit and in good health. At the time I had the dream I hadn't seen him in many years. We broke up because he was into drugs and I couldn't get him to stop. I have a feeling that dream meant he passed away, but I have always been too scared to look him up to find out.

I happen to have that show Trading Spouses on, and I love it when I catch this show. It is endlessly fascinating to watch two completely different families learn things about themselves. Right now it's a down-home country girl from Kentucky trading places with an Orthodox Jew from Boston. They look so unbelievably uncomfortable, but what did they think, they'd trade places with people just like them? You just know this poor southern woman is going to mess up their Kosher kitchen, yikes. Oh no, they have the Jewish woman going 'coon huntin'. Okay, maybe it's time to change the channel.

Speaking of television, anyone keeping up with The Office, like me? Were you totally taken off guard by the last minute phone call or what?? How does that simple little show manage to keep things so interesting?? And where is that other girl from? You know, the one who THINKS she's gonna get some of that Jim love....back away from the new guy honey.

Okay one last TV thing. Is it me or is "Men in Trees" actually re-runs of "Northern Exposure" with different actors? Hello?? Radio station, pilot, single men...methinks I've seen all this before...

Okay one more last thing. Project Runway. Travesty. It's all I'm sayin'

Work still sucks. Actually, it's been a little better, but don't say that out loud...if you do that will guarantee it will be a real suckfest of a day on Monday, and people, I can't take much more. Okay, enough about that.

No news on adoption. But I think the call is going to come any day now. I can feeeel it. Don't know why I think that though. Probably just wishful thinking. Maybe if I will it, it will be so.

Today I browsed some infertility blogs. I haven't done that in a while. It seems that while everything in adoption blogland is on the upswing, infertility blogs are on the downswing. Some very nice people are going through some really crappy crap. Before you go to bed tonight, say a little prayer for those who are still fighting the fight. Many of us have been there and it is no fun.

Okay, let's end on a happy note. My husband called me at work today to tell me he won tickets to see Elton John. How cool is that. I think I'm going to take my mom for her birthday. Unless of course, I'm in COLOMBIA. I've never wanted to miss a concert more in my life.

Have a great weekend people!

Believe it.....or not

Thank you all so much for your kind words. The family is doing much better, and we know that each day will be a little easier to bear. For our faithful family, the funeral mass will be a welcome comfort. We know that Uncle T did not suffer, and we believe that he is in a better place now. The hardest part is fighting the selfishness of wanting him here with us.

I decided to come to work today..I was wearing myself out trying to do too much and needed some time to refocus. My brother and I tagged teamed so that K had one of us there each day. There is plenty of family around, but each of us has someone specific we like to look after. I was on “food duty” yesterday, which was to make sure that K and my aunt ate during the day. Boy what a task that was, but I outsmarted them. After realizing that neither begging nor demanding would work, I got them to agree to just hold a chunk of Italian bread in their hands. My theory worked – no self respecting Italian can hold a piece of bread and not absently eat it while talking. I sat my aunt down and got her to tell me some church stories, and got her to eat two whole pieces for dinner and she didn’t even realize she had! I’ll leave work early today and be there for the evening session. Damned old school Italians and their long wakes. I think it’s going to rain tomorrow. I hope so. All cemetery services should be held in the rain if you ask me.

Anyway, I thought I would share two stories from my day yesterday.

Uncle T and Aunt C are very active in their church. They are great friends with Father, and Indian priest who always told everyone Uncle T was his brother, which of course resulted in strange looks from people who didn’t really know them. As soon as Father heard the bad news, he came to the house to comfort Aunt C. Father says he had a vision while talking to Aunt C, and tells my cousin the story later in the day. He says that he could see my uncle walking in a parking lot and fumbling with his keys. He is in obvious discomfort and is trying to get to his car. Two angels arrive and begin helping him to the car. “Don’t worry!” they keep saying…”We will not let him fall!!” They are adamant that Father knows this. They will not let him fall. When they reach the car, the angels say, “Okay, it’s your time. Your place is ready and you can come with us”. Uncle T says he does not want to go. The angels convince him. He finally agrees. The angels place him in the car. He dies. He doesn’t know why he knows this, or why it’s relevant, but the whole scene took exactly 20 minutes.

Father cried when he found out that Uncle T died in a car, because he did not know. The security guard in the parking lot says he saw Uncle T walking to the car, and the next thing he knew he “turned around” and Uncle T was sitting in the car slumped over the wheel. It happened that quickly. Now, I am sure there are many people who can explain it all away, but I will always choose to believe that two angels came to take my Uncle to heaven.

…..

I should start off this story by saying that Uncle T was married to my father’s sister. The big family I refer to is all my Dad’s side..he was one of 7 kids. I have 15 first cousins that I see all the time. So one of these cousins, L, and I were in charge of creating photo montages to be displayed at the funeral home. We asked all the kids for pictures and she and I went through boxes of family photos (that’s where I found the gems from last week’s post) at my Aunt’s house. We sat in a room at the funeral home to put them together. We had way more pictures than would fit on the two boards we were given, so we were trying to pick the best ones. Among others, L vetoed a picture of Uncle T with his “other goddaughter” from his side of the family. In her usual hilarious style, she lobbied that she was also Uncle T’s goddaughter, and if there are no picture of her, than this one sure ain’t making it! Each time a new person came into the room to see what we were doing, they went through the unused pictures and pulled out that picture and gave it to L for inclusion. We cracked up as each time she had to veto it yet again, and yet again explain why that picture wasn’t making it to the boards. By the end she was flinging that picture across the room. Eventually we finish the boards and put them up in the room. A little while later, Uncle T’s aunt (from his side of the family, an 80+ year old woman I never even met until that day) sees the boards and remembers she brought a few pictures, and would we mind adding them to the boards? One of them…a picture of Uncle T and cousin L. Uncle T’s aunt doesn’t even know her. Now you go ahead and tell me that wasn’t orchestrated by Uncle T. I just know he was saying Shut Up already here is your damn picture!! Needless to say, both pictures of both goddaughters were added to the boards.


So, what are some of your “believe it…..or not” stories like these?

Growing up sucks

This weekend we've had to deal with something that makes it really hard to be a grown-up...a death in the family. Fortunately, my family doesn't have much experience with that, all of us are pretty healthy, and although we've had some scares, everyone seems to have made it through okay. Two years ago we lost my Uncle J, which was the first major death we've had. It was awful and devastating and we still feel his loss every day. Saturday night we lost Uncle T. He had a massive heart attack when he got into his car when leaving for work. The extended family does what it always does, rallies around and handles everything so that his family can basically just sit and cry. He was a quiet, gentle man who loved his family. He worked 2 or more jobs all of his life, as they had little money and four kids. His house is very small, but always full of love. His youngest child, K is a year and half younger than me. K and I were inseparable as kids and I spent most of my summers in her house despite the fact that they didn't have air conditioning or alot of fancy toys. K and I grew apart during college but over the last few years have started to reclaim our previous bond. K was very supportive during the infertility years and, when surrogacy was being discussed, she offered to have our baby. You can't ask for a more wonderful expression of love than that.

K on the left, Me on the right. Grandma joins us, as well as long haired cousin R between us on the right.

So these next few days will be very hard as we push through all the traditional Catholic rituals. I am glad I can be there for them, if only to push a glass of water into shaking hands, refill the tissue box or just sit there and listen to their sadness, anger and frustration. Although I will miss Uncle T, what is saddest for me, is that...its starting. More and more of my loved ones will start to pass. The thought that I could be the one sitting in my kitchen comforting my mother is frightening to me. But I know that day will come. And Ill get through it, just like K will I suppose. Oh well, that's life. Hopefully there will be a new little baby around soon, which always seems to bring renewed hope and faith. Now it will be even more special if we can bring him/her home before the holidays.

Come on Karma!

Just sitting here at work killing time before I head on over to the Mets game at Shea. GO METS! And please, don't leave me any whiny Yankee comments. You don't REALLY expect me to feel sorry for them, do you??

Anywhoo...holy cow I can NOT believe all the activity out here in adoption blog land! Referrals to left of me! Referrals to the right of me! Hello...Colombia...phone lines down or something?? Although I am insanely jealous, I am also very ecstatic for all my bloggy friends who got THE CALL. Lauren, Jen, Michelle, Sig, and Melissa have the internets all afrenzy with their great news!! I read their posts with such excitement and can just imagine how they must feel. Particulary the posts of Rhonda and Bethee who are keeping us posted from halfway around the world. Then of course there's my friend Jen who is getting TWINS (don't freak girl, you can handle it)!! I stare at the pictures and try to imagine what they were feeling when the first got them. Makes me all a twitter I tell ya! But really, come on, where's the love?? Right Margaret? What's a girl got to do for some freaking good news??

So do does this mean that karma is on the upswing? Will my CALL come soon then? Or do I have to wait until fickle fate comes around again to grace us with her presence? *SIGH* I wish I knew.

In case you are interested, work still sucks. Some days are better than others, but what usually happens is that I come in all positive, convinced that I will NOT let shit get to me today, then inevitably some dumbass does something to really piss me off and I'm aggravated for the rest of the day. My boss, is a coward. There is nothing worse than I weak cowardly man, no matter how nice he is. And one thing that really sucks is that they have blocked alot of internet sites now...what a pain in the ass. I can't see pictures alot of the time, so I have to wait until I get home, and sometimes I forget which blogs I have to go back and read. I also can't get my gmail at work, so that's why it takes me some time to get back to some of you....

I am finding some release in creativity...I have several knitting projects in the works, and I started crafting seriously again. In fact, I may even start my own Etsy shop with some of my stuff. I paint whimsical images on things...boxes, frames, tshirts etc... and they have (what else) a beachy theme. I am thinking of doing some baby type things too, maybe even adoption stuff, as I know there is a shortage of such things out there. I'll let you know when I've got a decent amount of stuff finished. You guys can be my critics. My husband, who usually tells me I have no time for all this stuff, was recently impressed by my latest item (a gift for someone who sometimes reads here so no pic) and I have been bolstered by his support!

So what's some of your outlets for stress?

Back to Reality

I’m back. Three whole days with no internet access. Wow. I feel like I’ve been on the moon.

Alabama was great. Well, the conference was great, I didn’t get to see a whole lot of Birmingham except for the inside of the hotel and the adjoining mall. The conference was excellent, and I made a lot of great professional connections.

My co-workers and I had a blast. This was my first time at this bi-annual conference, and I am already looking forward to the next one. On Monday night we went to a great down-home BBQ place. Pulled pork, beans, fried pickles, hushpuppies, coleslaw…oh mercy was that GOOD. The banana cream pie wasn’t too bad either. Those folks know how to do BBQ.

Tuesday night was hilarious. After a lovely reception where we really got to loosen up and talk to each other (with the help of a heavy handed bartender), we all headed down to the hotel bar. It was amazing to see how much laughter is the great equalizer. About 30 of us from about 8 different states were sitting together, telling stories, making fun of each other and laughing hysterically. After the crappy week I’ve had at the office, it was a great release. For some crazy unexplainable reason, the hotel bar closed at 12 midnight so we had to move the party elsewhere. We ended up at the pool. Not a good place for the very drunk. (Fortunately I had pretty much stopped at the bar, and while I was feeling a little “happy”, I was by no means drunk). A woman from our group disappears and comes back with her bathing suit on (quite a sight) and a tray that contained an ice bucket and the contents of her mini-bar. “C”, a young and quite handsome guy decides he’s going in the pool and strips down to his underwear. He is standing next to me trying to convince me to join him. Eventually I convince him to go in alone. Then “G” who is gay and fabulous, sees C, his eyes pop open and he starts this slow motion bounding run across the concrete, shedding clothes along the way to join him. This causes C, who is not gay, to panic, and to now try to discretely (which when you’re drunk means “conspicuously”) and quietly (which when you’re drunk means “do the whisper/yell thing like no one can hear you”) get his ass out of the pool. Then the group realizes that “F” (man) and “L” (woman) are missing, and a manhunt is formed to try and find them. Hilarity ensues as the group is going from floor to floor, calling F and trying to listen for his phone ringing. All I can say is, you know you are having fun when you are standing next to a wet, gay, drunk man in his underwear in a hotel hallway at 3 am.

But the highlight of the trip was my celebrity sighting. I have eagle eyes my friends, and I am so impressed with myself. We were all standing in the hotel lobby waiting for the shuttle to take us to the airport. I see this guy get off the elevator and walk outside. Short, baseball hat, sunglasses, jeans and a t-shirt. I must have seen his profile for all of 5 seconds. “Hey!” I said. “That’s Elliott!” *WHO?* “Elliott from American Idol!!!”

Now you all know how Elliott was my boy and how upset I was when he was voted off. A co-worker and I got up the courage to go outside and I asked him if he was indeed *the* Elliott. He shook his head yes. He looked very tired, but he was very nice. We shook his hand, told him we were big fans, and that we voted for him. He was very appreciative. He was in town rehearsing for his concert with the Little Memphis Blues Orchestra. My co-worker got his autograph for his wife. How funny is that?!

So back to reality. Work continues to really suck. Know what I’ve learned? That when you are miserable at work, no one wants to hear you complain, and that just makes the situation worse because you start getting mad that no one cares or understands. So I try not to, but it’s hard to keep it all inside. I am in a really hard situation because I have no peers here. Most of our office is housed in another building 15 minutes away, and that is where everyone my age/level are. Therefore, I don’t really have any friends here. I eat lunch by myself every day (in my office), how depressing is that? That’s not normal right? If anyone has ever been in a management capacity, you’ll understand that you can’t really regularly go to lunch with people who work under you. The few other management people here are either weird, or not people you want to know your business. My boss is a social misfit and doesn’t like to eat with anyone. So I have no one really to vent to about stuff here. I need to really figure things out. When it gets to the point where you want to actually cry at least once a day every day (and I am NOT a crier), you need to do something. The thought of another major upheaval in my life is a little much to contemplate but I can’t go on like this. I am trying to hang on until after the adoption travel, but I don’t think I can do it.

Anyway, I’m just starting to catch up on all of your blogs, so forgive me if I’m a little behind for a while. I was so happy to see many new people commenting after my last post. I hope that more continue to “de-lurk” and that the newcomers comment more often. I think your posts get better when you actually know who your audience is. Or rather, when you know you actually do have an audience.

Is it Friday yet? I think we are having a garage sale this weekend. That ought to be a hoot.

Hello Rancho Cucamonga!

Along with blogstalking and blogwriting, I am addicted to my blog stats. Being sort of an analyst type person at work, I am constantly reviewing data, cutting it different ways and trying to glean some sense from the raw numbers. Yesterday I got 122 hits. Not sure why. I didn't post yesterday, and it doesn't seem that anyone linked to me, or any one person spent the day on my site. I had visits from 43 different cities in 7 countries. Here are my favorites:

• Rancho Cucamonga, California
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
• Apopka, Florida
• Colombia, South America (Hi John! Bring beautiful Gabriela home soon!)
• Columbia, Maryland (Wonder if I could adopt any frat boys from there?)
• Bronx, New York (Shout out to my neighbors in the Boogie Down)
• Brooklyn, New York (you guys too)

But the weird thing is I only got like one comment yesterday! What's up with that? Don't they speak english in Rancho Cucamonga? Drop a girl a note, won'tcha? I have often heard people say that they feel stupid leaving comments because they don't have anything witty to say. Really it's just an acknowledgement that you stopped by. Not leaving a comment is kind of like, walking up to a group of your friends, standing there listening but not saying anything, then walking away when you've heard enough! Wouldn't that be weird? Not that I am not guilty of it myself...but I try to say something if I've spent the time reading the entire post.

So let me ask you something...how do you manage your blog reading? Do you use bloglines or something similar? Do you keep a list in your "favorites" and then visit every site each day (or however often you sit down to read them). Do you use your own website (or someone else's) to link to your favorite blogs? I started to use bloglines, but I don't love it. You lose the "personality" of the author. So take this opportunity to delurk and introduce yourself. It's okay if your not a blogger, not adopting or whatever. It's nice to know who's out there!

And speaking of who's out there...I finally met Jen! We met for dinner and a drink here in NYC and it was really fun. My husband asked me how the food was, and I honestly don't even remember because we were gabbing so much. We have SO much in common, and it was so amusing to keep saying, Holy Crap, we're going to be parents! It's so great to talk to someone who "gets it". Okay, so she did harass me about my lack of preparation but I won't hold it against her ;) Thanks Jen for a great time, and I hope we can do that again sometime soon.

Well hope everyone has a great weekend. It seems like there is a big flurry of activity out there in adoption blogland...so happy for those who have recieved referrals, are close or have brought their children home! Makes me so anxious for my own referral!!

Thanks to all of you on your kind words about my crappy work week and the compliments on the crib. Work has been slightly better. Off to Birmingham Alabama for a few days next week for a conference. That wasn't one of the cities on my stats, so I dont think I'll be seeing any more bloggers, but I am looking forward to some serious BBQ!

Work Bad, Shopping & TV Good

I feel like I don't post enough, but I don't really have anything very interesting to say. Work has been absolutely craptastic. Friday was one of those days where when I finally got home, I collapsed into a sobbing heap. Even Ms Bad Ass Executive has days when she just can't take anymore shit. Suffice it to say that after spending an entire day trying to resolve a particular issue with a particularly obnoxious chauvinist colleague in a professional and constructive manner, my boss tells me that our President is thinking of making some very bad decisions that may affect me in a most dissatisfactory way. And with a new baby on the way, and me being the sole breadwinner when that happens, I'm a little on edge about it. After a hot shower and a decent night's sleep things were better. DH was very supportive about the whole thing, and we had a great day today. We went out for breakfast at our favorite diner, and then....we bought a crib! Finally! It only took us about 2 hours in the store. It's the Majestic Curved Top Crib from Munire. We bought the crib and a hutch thingie that's not in this picture.

After that we did some running around, including going to my favorite yarn store. Oh and we bought the most gorgeous mermaids today. They are going around the house somewhere and if we do end up with a girl, they will probably find their way into her room. I'll post pics of them next time.

I had to take two round trip flights this week, once to Buffalo, NY and once to West Palm Beach, Florida. I couldn't help but thinking what the flight would be like with our new baby. On one leg of my journey a couple sat next to me with a baby I guessed to be about 6 months old. Of course I thought "Oh great a crying baby". Turns out the baby was fine, the parents were annoying as hell. Tell me, when I finally become a mom, will I act like I am the only human on earth who has a cute baby? Please tell me I won't. This man was talking absurd baby talk non-stop and at the top of his lungs (Yes! You are my little Hulk baby, aren't you?! Yes you ARE!). I could hear him above my JetBlue television blasting in my ear phones. Honestly. The child does not yet have the capability of speech, please stop talking to her like she is going to answer you. Right before another flight, a very annoying woman would not get off her cell phone, even after the flight attendant told her to turn it off. During the third phone call, she left an extended voicemail message for her neighbor wishing her a happy holiday (I assume Rosh Hashanah), said I love you four hundred times, then put her young daughter on the phone that did the same thing. And get this, they were going on a FOUR DAY TRIP. You would have thought they were leaving for a year the way they were saying goodbyes. The young daughter whined and complained LOUDLY the entire trip and her parents ignored her.

I hearby give you all permission to hunt me down and smack me up side the head if I ever behave like that. I'm serious. I have to fly to Alabama in two weeks. Please people, behave yourselves.

In other news, is Thursday television the best ever OR WHAT??? The Office was so freaking GOOD I was dying. She didn't marry him!! Woo Hoo! And she pretty much told him she felt the same way the night of the kiss. Love. That. Show. Gray's was pretty good too. Poor Izzy. And McDreamy's smile makes my toes curl. I have always been a sucker for a killer smile. How did she not jump his bones after he told her he was in love with her?? Screw Mr. Vet Hoo-ah whatshisface. I watched ER after that, which was quite dramatic. While I still enjoy it, I think it won't be able to keep up with Gray's.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Wish me luck at work next week. I wish I could knit for a living or something....

Oh No She Di'int

So let's see...what to write about when you are just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring....Well, no one needs any lists on what to bring to Colombia, so I'll just have to improvise here. Okay, here's a kind of funny inane story.

Last weekend my husband and I were running errands and we passed this brand new Super Stop & Shop grocery store. We've been meaning to try it out, since we travel kind of far to our usual grocery store because, well, we are picky about the quality of produce and service, cleanliness, etc. We hoped this one would work out so we wouldn't have to travel so far. Ahh........no.

Upon entering the store, I go right to the deli line and pick a number from the little machine thingy. I walk over to my husband who was talking to an old friend who happened to be there. After a time, I walk back to the counter (I wasn't that far away) and the guy says "Oh, we aren't taking tickets, you have to get on line". NOW YOU TELL ME. So I lost a few spots, but whatever, I get on line, and try not to give the woman on line who CLEARLY SAW ME take the ticket, a dirty look. There are two people behind the counter. A young guy, who is clearly in no rush to service the 10 people on line in any expeditious manner. An older woman, who is shuffling around, sweeping and grumbling. After a time, the woman leaves the department. Twenty minutes later I am STILL on line, but now I am number two. The aforementioned woman comes back into the department, extremely disgruntled, saying things like "This place is crazy. Why I gotta still be here. I'm sposed to be gone already. I'm leavin at 7 no matta WHAT...blah blah blah." I turn to my husband and say, you KNOW she is going to wait on me now. Sure enough, as she's griping, she is putting on plastic gloves. "CAN I HELP WHO'S NEXT' she screams practically in my face...a face I might add, that had very few teeth. I give her my order and she turns to get the meat out of the case. Would you believe Miss Nasty Thing, in one fell swoop motion, did a big old SWIPE of her gloved hand across her nasty face, wiped her sniffly nose and scratched her head. UGH!!! I just said "You know what, forget it!!" and walked away. Almost half an hour and no order! We got a few necessities and left the store. That night I emailed a letter to the store, and the next day the store manager called to apologize. He said "As you can see we are having some challenges hiring the right people" Well I'll say!! So back to good old King Kullen who never fails us. I think I will write them a letter and tell them how great they are.

So that's all I got. Work is very busy. We are coming up on budget season here, so I've got to try and get it done soon so I am not working from Colombia. I mean, just in case, you know.

OH wait, I have some exciting news. In two weeks I am going to meet Miss Jennifer up close and in personal!! I am very excited to meet her. NYC watch out!! I figure she needs some kind of ally during her trip to see her family. I'm here for ya girl.

And lastly, The Office season premiere is coming!!! I know they are going to torture poor Jim this season, I hope my heart can take it. Now excuse me while I watch last seasons finale again, which is on TV right now.

Reflections on the Day

Today we attended a social event for our agency. I'll give you highlights, since I am too tired to be all that witty right now.

1. A referral was assigned today to the couple who was next up in the process. The way they did it was very cool. A little girl came out holding a bunch of pink balloons including one that said "It's a girl". Then another older child (adopted as a baby from Colombia) read a letter "from" the baby. It basically said, My name is xxxx and I was born on April xxxx. And my parents are...." And after a heart stopping pause they said the couples names. It was a great thrill for them and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. The picture was adorable.

2. I won a big basket of hair care products (KMS, Redken & Kiwi) in a raffle. I was very exicited. I don't even know how to use half the stuff I got (Blow silk? Sounds personal).

3. We got a thank you card from Arturo, the founder's husband who we entertained last month. He can't wait to see us in Bogota. We can't wait to see him either.

4. We got our official acceptance letter from the orphanage hand delivered. Now we just wait for THE CALL. We have NO idea how long this will take. The couple who got the referral today waited two months from their acceptance letter. The couple that is next up should get their referral tomorrow (there is a fundraising event and a referral is usually given there) which will be about 2 months for them too. We are next up after that. That would mean around November for us. Unless our agency doesn't get anymore referrals this year (they usually only get two in the fall) which means it wouldn't be until next year. I wouldn't mind so much except Christmas is in the middle there, and I would really like to know if we will get the baby before or after. Oh well.

Tomorrow is September 11th. As someone who works only a few blocks from ground zer0, I am not looking forward to going into work. To be honest, I will try to think of it as any other work day tomorrow, mostly so I don't get too nervous on the subway or on the street. I will try to take time to reflect on the day, probably later on when I am back home.

My story from that day is one of inconvenience...nothing in comparison to the things some people had to face.

On the radio that morning I heard a plane had hit the building. Thinking it was only a small plane that met an accidental end, I got on my normal commuter train into the city. Thanks to cell phones, we all quickly found out the truth. The train continued on into Penn Station. When we arrived, they evacuated the building. I walked with a group of people towards the 59th Str bridge with the intention of walking over into Queens. As we walked, a police officer stopped a city bus, ushered a group of people on, and let the bus go through the Midtown Tunnel. Once on the other side (we all applauded on the other side), I had no choice but to walk miles and miles to a working subway station. I took the subway to Jamaica station, and took a very crowded (but deadly silent) train back home. I left the house at 8 and didn't get home until 4. Because cell phone service was non existent, my family didn't know where I was until I got home. I didn't understand the impact of what happened until my husband ran up to me and hugged me when I got out of the car. I cried when I finally got to watch television and saw what happened. There are things I will never forget about that day. The crisp clean air and blue sky as I walked by a little park with children playing. The dead silence of the city streets as hundreds of people walked towards the various ways out. People silently standing at the open windows and doors of bars watching the television coverage or around cars listening to the radio. It was like a movie. The days after were surreal. We returned to our building 2 weeks later. Big trailers holding generators to supply electricity to the buildings. Huge cables snaking through the streets. Buildings covered in ash and soot. National guard manning the barricades surrounding subway exits, checking IDs to make sure you belonged downtown. Running my department out of the company board room because our other building was still unsafe.

Fortunately for me, I didn't know a single person who died that day. I heard lots of stories, and knew people who lost family and friends, but no one I knew personally. So it's a little easier for me. But I will take the time to give thanks for my good fortune, and to pray that the affected families continue to heal, and to just....remember.

It's raining and I have a head ache and...

Nothing going on with the adoption...we are waiting for official word from the orphanage about our paperwork. The review committee apparently meets twice a month, and we're not sure how the timing of the next meeting coincides with the arrival of our paperwork. We should hear in another week or so I would think.

We didn't buy a crib yet, but we are strongly leaning towards buying the Storkcraft crib I linked to in my last post. The frustrating part is that no one carries this line of cribs in stores. BRU, JCPenny and Walmart have them but you must order them sight unseen. Has anyone heard anything good or bad on these cribs? Epinions has two positive reviews but that's not much to go on.

The weekend was mostly drab and dreary...my mom and I did brave outlet shopping on Friday. Not sure what we were thinking on a rainy Friday right before the kids go back to school. I got a few things, and I even braved the Carter's outlet. What adorable stuff, I can't wait to go back once we get the referral. I did buy one gender neutral outfit there that I couldn't resist. So our child now has at least ONE thing to wear. Assuming the size is good, I bought 9 mos size just to be safe.

Not much else to say. I was recently tagged by Wavybrains for a meme (How do you pronounce that? mem or meem or what?), so here goes:

7 Things I Want to Do without Dying of Embarrassment
Get a pedicure
Eat lunch alone in a restaurant
Go to my GYN
Sing Karaoke
Speak in front of a large group
Get on a scale
Try on clothes in a dressing room with no curtain or doors

7 Things I Cannot Do in the Summer
I can't think of one single thing for this. I do everything in the summer, it's my favorite time of year.

7 Things I Can Do which are Meaningless Unless you are still in Junior High
Make sucky noises by sticking my palms together
Make a whistling noise with my tounge curled into a tube
Whistle really loud with two fingers (great at concerts and sporting events though)
Make a cootie catcher (that folded paper fortune teller thingie)
Do "Miss Mary Mack" really fast (and other assorted hand games)
Fling a bottle cap by snapping it
Do Cat's Cradle with string

7 Things Which Attracted Me to My House
It looks like my childhood home, same layout
It is 16 houses away from my parents
It is 10 houses away from the water (the other direction)
It has a private beach & marina (very small, but still nice)
It has a property owner's association, so we know alot of our neighbors
big backyard
It was a foreclosure so we got to customize alot of it (at the expense of our checkbook and our sanity, but who asked about that)

7 Things I Say Most Often When I am Crying
It's not fair
You're missing my point
I can't take this anymore
Why??
I don't understand
This totally sucks
F*&^(!!!

7 Children's Books I am Adding to My Own Collection
The Monster at the End of this Book
The Little Red Hen
Alexander and The horrible, terrible no good, very bad day
Guess how much I love you
Good night Moon
Curious George
Where the Wild Things Are
The Cat in the Hat

7 Children's Movies I Can Watch for the Bazillionth Time Without Wanting to Rip My Eyes from Their Sockets
Ice Age
Monsters, Inc
Aladdin
Wizard of Oz
Willie Wonka
Harry Potter
The Never Ending Story

Happy Humpday!

Don't Kill Me...

We didn’t book the trip.

Now before you get your panties in a bunch about it (no need to rush back to smack me Elle, sheesh such violence, no wonder your house got egged) it wasn’t because of the adoption. We were ---> <---- this close to booking, but then we all decided (all but my brother who is now less than happy with us) that it was too much of a hassle for what to amounted to only three days of whirlwind sightseeing. We would have been spending almost as much time in airplanes as on the ground, and all that running around (in the freezing cold) would not have been much of a vacation. And besides, it was over Thanksgiving weekend. And everyone knows that Thanksgiving is all about sitting inside a warm house eating too much food and listening to the same old corny jokes and stories told by your crazy aunts and uncles. Especially for us Italian Americans. It is an EVENT people. And if the baby is home by then…oh man I can’t even think about all the commotion that will be going on.

But I REALLY appreciate you all encouraging me to go. I was pretty surprised that most of you didn’t tell me I was nuts. Although maybe it was like watching one of those “Outrageous Videos” shows…you know while you’re watching the guy falling out of the plane that he’s going to go splat, but you just can’t drag your eyes away from the tv. You wanted to see what would happen if I went…didntcha…admit it. You wanted a human guinea pig for Murphy’s Law. I know, it’s okay. I may plan a shorter, more local, warmer beachier getaway soon. I’ll let you know.

So it’s really soggy here on the east coast thanks to Senor Ernesto. The Labor Day weekend looks like it’s going to be a complete washout. Oh well, we didn’t have anything grand planned anyway (My husband said “It’s going to be crappy, you can knit” YAY!). I would like to buy a crib though. We went looking around a bit this weekend and definitely figured out what we didn’t like, that’s for sure. I like the ones that are stationary, without the drop down gate in the front. Is that crazy? Am I going to be sorry about that? Like this one for example. We looked at the cribs and then went to look at strollers and carseats, freaked out and left. Too many choices. But at least I was able to go into the stores without hyperventilating which is a major accomplishment for me. Oh, and theme of the week is Mermaids if it’s a girl. I’ve been dreaming about them.

Happy Labor Day Peeps. I know it will be grand for one Miss Elle who is the final stages of bringing that Pickle boy home! Woo Hoo!

Which do you want first?

The good news or the bad news?

Ok good news first:
We don't have to re-do our prints, so we are just waiting for official approval from the orphanage.

Now the bad news:
We were told we have to go BACK to Dr. Evil and pay him MORE money to confirm that when we get home, we are still not insane and that our in depth clinical review is still valid. I can't believe I have to give him more money. It kills me.


Thanks so much for your comments on my last post. I re-read it and had to laugh out loud. I think I must have been smoking some pretty strong crack. Register twice?? What was I thinking?? I liked the suggestion of just registering for everything and then deleting stuff on-line when we know the gender. However I think the more likely scenario will be that we won't really register until we get THE CALL. I neglected to remember that I have won medals in endurance in the sport of shopping. I'm sure I can run through a baby store in no time flat, especially when I'm fueled by the excitement of our assignment. Thanks for smiling and nodding at the crazy lady and letting me rant on incoherently. It's why I love you guys.

On the gender neutral thing...nah, can't do it. It's like asking Picasso to create his next work only using a beige crayon. Well, not exactly, as I am not Picasso, but you get the idea. Being known for my creativity, there are big expectations for this room, and I intend to deliver! Blue greens in an ocean theme if it's a boy and pink/brown touille if it's a girl. Don't even try to dissuade me, I'm just ridiculous when I get an idea in my head. I'm sure all your gender neutral rooms are totally adorable. I am just a nut case. (registering twice! ha!)

So question for you. We have been asked to go on a family vacation over the Thanksgiving holiday. It would be from like Wednesday to Sunday (4 nights), and we'd be going to Europe. The price is a bargain. There is a chance that we may get THE CALL prior to Thanksgiving, although we have no idea how likely or unlikely that is. Do we go? Do we book it and buy travel insurance in case we have to cancel? Do we book it and if we have the baby, by a baby bjorn and take the baby? Do we not go because what are you crazy you don't have enough going on in your life right now? Part of me says no, but part of me says, Girl, this is the last time you will go anywhere in a long while without a little person attached to you. We've put off so much of our lives in the last 3 years because we were sure we'd be pregnant. Now I want to say screw it. Oh and wait, don't they say that the quickest way to get a referral is to book a trip, and Murphy's Law says it will come during that exact time?

Thoughts?

Out of Touch

Boy, internet service was down on Friday, and we were busy all weekend so I feel like I have been so out of touch with all of you! I have to really get caught up on all my commenting.

Saturday was a day of running around doing errands. Saturday night we hung out with our neighbors which is something we don't do often enough. One couple has a baby who must be around 9 or 10 months old. She was excited to hear about the adoption because now her son will have someone to play with. Most of the kids around are older. She had the coolest monitor. It was like the size of a cordless phone and had a small video screen on it. So we were sitting in another neighbors yard and she was able to keep tabs on the baby sleeping next door. Very cool. Gots to get me one of those thingies.

Yesterday we went to the last of our required education sessions. It seems that two other couples have their documents down in Colombia also. Not sure what this means in terms of us getting a referral. Same status as before I assume...could come in a few months, or may have to wait until next year. Surprisingly I am okay with whatever it is. We've waited this long, a few more months certainly won't kill me.

The session was held at the house of a woman who adopted two beautiful children from Colombia several years ago. She showed us the video of the presentation of her son. Holy cow I couldn't even watch it...it was so emotional. I think I was the only person who reacted that way, everyone must have thought I was nuts. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it!

Of course I am the only crazy person who doesn't have a nursery ready either. I don't know what it is, but I just can't do it. I think maybe next weekend we are going to register (I guess at Breeders R Us, UGH) for some of the major necessities. We'll also pick out some boy and girl things so that once we find out we don't have to scramble around. I wonder if I can do two separate registries, boy and girl and then just ask them to delete one once we know. Anyone ever do that? I know I am totally obsessing over girl vs. boy, but being a crafty type, I am very particular about color and theme. I can't even concede to painting the room a neutral color. Or knitting anything for the baby! How crazy is that?? Yes, every day that goes by a few more brain cells jump ship.

That's it for today...nothing exciting...mostly just letting you all know I am still alive. See you in the comments...

Wow that was quick!

It's there and on it's way. I thought it would stop in a bunch of interesting places along the way, but I guess the direct route is best! Dont you wish this tracking had ALL the activity related to the package? Like "Read with enthusiasm by orphanage director" and "Happily stamped APPROVED" and "Matched the perfect child" and "Scheduled date to make THE CALL"???

To those who like to play along at home....

The package has left the agency and is on the way to Bogota. Let's watch the damn thing fly around the planet shall we?

We have a slight problem with the way we submitted our FBI cleared prints, so we will probably have to redo those which really sucks, but I guess in the scheme of things it's not too bad so I won't complain (much). At least the documents have been sent.

Also, two pieces of good news to share:

Hanazono got her I171H! Yes Finally!! One more milestone down!!

Kaiya (mama k) gave birth to a healthy baby boy! Please go wish her congratulations, even though she is one of those breeders, she has been a wonderful support and she really "gets it".

Everything & Nothing

I think I've finally put my finger on what my problem is. A part of me is definitely excited, more excited than ever really, but right now I’m mostly feeling anxious and agitated and I think I can articulate why.

Because everything has changed and nothing has changed.

Everything has changed because our paperwork is finally finished and has been mailed off. But it's been mailed off to a faceless stranger that I have only exchanged a handful of emails with, each of them rarely more than a dozen words or so. This process is so impersonal. If I don't email someone with a question, no one contacts me. So while technically we are on to the next phase, it feels like nothing has changed. It doesn't feel real yet. Yes, there's more lists of things to do and get, but it's all still just more paperwork. I think that's why I got frustrated over reading the materials from our agency. I think that's why I really can't do any major shopping yet. I think that's why I looked at my MIL like she was crazy when she said she wanted to throw a shower soon. It's not really real yet. And it won't be real until I get the call. Whoa momma am I going to be one sloppy sodden weepy mess on that day. (Oh and for those of you that asked, we certainly do plan to bring a laptop to Colombia. I dragged you this far, you've got to see this whole mess til the end).

Anyway, just wanted to let that particular swirling crazy out of my head. One down, eleventy million to go. On to fun stuff...

DH and I went to the bookstore this weekend...something we do quite often. This time we decided to venture into the Parenting section. We started to look at “What to Expect the First Year” and “Parenting for Dummies” and all those kinds of things…then we both quickly got turned off by all the pregnancy stuff in them (sorry breeders, it’s still touchy for me) and ditched that idea for the baby name books. After laughing at that a while (why can’t they make a book called “101 Names you would actually consider naming your child”) we decided we’ll borrow some books from relatives and learn the rest on our own. Then I got up the guts to enter the children's area, averting making eye contact with anyone lest they realize I am a fraud with no children and shouldn't be in there (ha just kidding)...and we bought these:

I read them to DH in the car on the way home. I was cracking up. Of course the Monster book is my favorite, and the Very Bad Day book is DH's favorite. Although it will be a long time before our little one can read, it was nice to know we had them. Also in my travels this weekend I bought a very pretty baby picture frame. Slowly but surely I guess. Oh and I've been browsing this site...check out the prices on this stuff!! Crazy or what? I sent it to my mom and told her that's where I'm going to register. I won't tell you what she said in response.

On Saturday I got hornswaggled into going with my husband's fsurf fishing club to a "family barbecue". Although my husband was told that wives and kids would be going, when we got to the parking lot to meet everyone it was me and 5 other guys. That's it. O-Kay!! And I didn't even bring my knitting because I didn't want DH to get mad at me for being all anti-social. But it ended up being fine...it was the maiden voyage of driving our new truck on the beach. Thankfully everything went well or DH would have been putting a big ass FOR SALE sign on it the next morning. It was very cool to pull the truck up close to the shore and hang out. We barbecued a little and the guys did some fishing (fish count = zero), we saw a great sunset and an even cooler moonrise (huge red moon).
That's me in the pink.


On Sunday we visited the in-laws. My SIL was there recovering from shoulder surgery. Dont even get me started.....

More babble from my frazzled mind

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. It's overwhelming, really. Some of the comments I really appreciated:

From Julie: "if you are taking any kind of meds (tylenol, benedryl etc) find out the baby's weight right before you leave and check w/your pediatrician about dosages. (Great advice! Do you have a blog Julie?)

From Amy: "'listen'--all human beings have rhythms, have communication sounds...simply listen to silences, to grumbles, to squeals...they all tell you something..." (Yes! But if only my heart would stop pounding in my ears!)

From Jill: "Wouldn't it be awesome if her/she ends up enrolling at columbia in 17 years? " (Yes, but can you say scholarship??) (...and I notice you typed her/she by mistake...you think that means I'll get a girl??)

From Jenny: Man, you better start getting ready sista. (Amen, can I get a witness.)

Sonya had some questions:
Will you have a referral before you travel?
Yes, we will be told the gender, age and medical condition of the child. We will be able to speak to the nurse about the child upon receipt of the referral and whenever we want during our wait to travel. We will be emailed with a picture and then the entire referral packet will be mailed to us.
What age are most of the children at adoption?
Colombia typically places younger children with younger parents. Couples under 38 can adopt a 2 year old or younger. The older you are, the older the child you are allowed to adopt. We have asked for a newborn which I am assuming is on average 3-6 months old. We are told that the orphanage has a high placement of babies so there aren't many toddlers available.
Do you travel with a group from your agency or on your own?
We travel on our own, but there could be one or two other couples traveling at about the same time we are.The place where we will stay is just for adoptive parents so there will be couples from all over the place with us.
Is there an equal chance of adopting a boy or girl?
Yes, I think so. The orphanage asks that you do not choose a gender for your first child. So we don't know what we will get. I wish we knew, but it's okay that it will be a surprise.

I'd like to tell you that I am a little calmer now, but well, then I would be lying. I did reread the education materials (what I call the Big Book of Scary Lists) and did manage to break it down to things I will have to worry about first (getting a visa) second (packing) and third (what to do when we're there). I appreciate the offer of packing lists, but I think that would send me over the edge (except for you Erin, you, I need). I am the type of person that ALWAYS packs at the last minute. It forces me to focus and make decisions. I assume this time will be no different, except I will probably have purchased most baby things ahead of time. I also need to go shopping for clothes for me, which luckily is therapeutic.

The document packet was sent off today. DH practically had to pry it out of my hands. And though I know he is a responsible adult, I still found the need to tell him to be careful with it and to guard it with his childless little life. Now of course I have dreams of cargo planes crashing or the agency lady's kid spilling grape juice all over it or something. I'll let you know if we need to start tracking the package.

Now I know why you guys blog so often as you get close to the end. You need an outlet for all the swirling crazies in your head. I think you'll be hearing alot more from me now.

Okay, Deep Breaths Now...

I totally freaked out. Yes, I did the happy dance after I took the mail out of the mailbox and *thought* I saw the Dept of HomeLand Security address in the pile of papers, calmly placed the pile on the counter and slowly went through each piece telling myself not to be disappointed if I was wrong. The happy dance did involve a little jumping and woo hooing for sure (Not red shirt kind of dancing but still a decent effort). Then I snapped a picture for posterity and skipped downstairs to the office to post the good news. It all went down hill from there.

First, blogger is RIDICULOUS. I know free is free but yeesh, it is so frustrating not to be able to post pictures (or anything for that matter) when you have something important to show! So all aggravated I decided to skip that and instead read over the materials for our next education session which goes over the next stage of this process. I started to totally. freaking. panic. How on earth was I supposed to remember all of this? There are lists upon lists!!! Things to bring, things to buy there, contact names, fees to pay, gifts to give, court dates, forms to sign..aaahhhh!!! Is it not stressful enough that I am going to be given ownership of a live human being as soon as I get there??? I got really REALLY cranky. Just ask my husband, oh wait you can't because I snapped his head clean off (unfortunately for him his response to my crankiness is always to get mad at me...not exactly good for his health...you'da think he'da learnt by now).

The thing about Colombia is, when you get there, your baby is presented to you fairly quickly. From that point on, for all intents and purposes, you are the official parents. Therefore, care of said child is now YOUR reponsibility. Now while that is a very good thing for many obvious reasons, it is also overwhelming because you basically have to bring (or buy when you get there) everything to take care of a brand new baby for several weeks.

Cause the other "thing" about Colombia is that there is a long in-country waiting period. Because you must be seen before the courts, and because the assignment of your court is by lottery, you could wait several weeks. Some people have waited 2 weeks, some 6 weeks. It's a crapshoot. This does not bother us, because a) our jobs are cool with it; b) we have no other children to worry about c) no matter how long the wait we are pretty much guaranteed a kid at the end and d) we could use an extended vacation in a country that has a rainforest.

But, having never taken care of anyone but myself for 30 odd years, I am more than a little frightened. No running to mom(note to self: ask mom how she feels about traveling to South America). Granted, those adoption people know all of this, and will have lots of experienced baby people on hand to help, but it does not for one second alleviate the hyperventilating that starts when I think about it. I am going to seriously drag one of my cousins out to help me do some of this baby survival kit shopping. Gah.

Okay so what are the next steps here? To be honest I am not totally sure. Now that we have the I171H, our dossier (they call it the "document packet") will be overnighted to our agency either tomorrow or Thursday. Assuming everything is in order (note to self: go to church and light a candle), they will overnight it to the orphanage. From there we wait for a referral or "assignment". I have no idea how long this takes. I am assuming (hoping!) that it will come within one to three months, but who knows. Once we get THE CALL we will know the name, gender, age and health info of our child and soon thereafter we are emailed a picture. Then we start packing and running around like lunatics. We will travel within one to two weeks of THE CALL. That's when we start learning REAL QUICK LIKE how to keep a baby alive and in good health. We wait around, knitting, sight seeing, smiling at spanish speaking government officials, signing papers and eventually GO HOME WITH THE BABY (assuming of course we were successful in the maintainance of good health thing).

Thank you all so much for your words of congratulations. And thanks for your comments on why you chose the program you did. It was truly fascinating to read. It's amazing how we are all led down this path in different ways. And as usual, thanks for all the support, it is so unbelievably critical to my sanity.

Lastly, thanks to Erin, who reminded me that the SUPER HUNKY John Leguizamo is from Colombia. I should have my application rejected for not knowing that. Heh..just kidding.

Questions?

I think I need to start shopping....

Cramming the Summer in

So first I want to apologize if my previous post was too obnoxious. I read it over and I thought that it sounded like I was calling people stupid for not knowing the difference between Colombia and Columbia. I didn't know the difference in the beginning either. I hope you knew I was just trying to be funny...although if anyone knows a frat boy looking for a home.... Oh and the stroller thing...I am not snobby and I will be grateful for any stroller we get. However, if you are just tuning in, my SIL is the cheapest of all cheapy cheaps and would never in a bazillion years pay any more than my husband's suggested $13 for a gift for anyone other than herself. Me, I think $169 is a little pricey for a stroller, hey, if you would like to go out and purchase one for me, knock yourself right out!

Still waiting around for the I171H. It's been 5 weeks since we were fingerprinted. I am hopeful that it will come this week. Is that stupid? There are ALOT of people making their way through immigration here in metro New York, I have no idea how long this is supposed to take. Like many of you, I just want that document binder OUT of my house!!!

This weekend was jam packed with summery fun. I didn't even mind the crazy heat too much. Except of course for the time spent on NYC subway platforms. Not fun. On Friday we went to the Counting Crows/Goo Goo Dolls concert at the Jones Beach Theatre. Best place to see a concert ever. Outside, right on the water (I'll update with a pic if blogger ever decides to cooperate ever again). My bro got us the tickets through a connection at work, so we weren't even sure where our seats would be. When we picked them up they said VIP on them (wow, cool!) so we went through the VIP gate where they sell food and beer and you can walk around near the water. We couldn't figure out where our seats were though. I go and ask the usher and he says, as he is pointing practically skyward...."Uh lady...you're in the luxury box up there". OH heh, I knew that! What do I look like? A COMMONER?? Of course! Begone with you! So although I had seen a million shows at this theatre, this was my first time in a luxury box. It was very cool and I was sorry I didn't bring my camera to show you. The box itself has a little kitchen area and our own bathroom (the best feature) and a big tv where you can watch the concert. There are sliding glass doors that lead out to the stadium seats. The seats themselves aren't that great because you are really high up, but you have a great view of the bay and the whole theatre, and it was air conditioned in the little room, so it was pretty cool. The concert itself was pretty good too. CC is my favorite band so I am never disappointed in anything they do.

Then yesterday DH and I went to do some much needed food shopping and decided to try a new store near where my cousin lived. I called her from the car to ask her exactly where it was and she told me not to go there because it was disgusting. I guess I couldn't argue with her because as I was on the phone with her, an employee passed me rolling something around in her mouth that was either a yellow tooth or a piece of corn (let's go with corn, shall we?). So on our way to a different store we decided to stop by her house to say hello. Well that was the end of that. Her husband convinced mine that what he really wanted to do on a beautiful summer Sunday was go clamming on his boat. While they did that, us girls hung out and had a great time playing with yarn, snacking and redecorating the living room. We stayed for dinner..guess what we had. The boys had brought back over 200 clams. We called some other cousins to join us and had a big feast. Don't you just love those spur of the moment things that turn into such great times?

We did end up going food shopping at 9:30 that night. Now I'm back at work. Blech. I leave you with a very cool meme that I stole from my new friend Hanazono. Feel free to play too.


I am.... strong willed.
I want....to be a mom
I wish.... we were finished with the adoption process and had our child home.
I hate.... ignorance and stupidity
I miss.... my friend
I hear..... music. Always. Either from a radio or in my head.
I wonder.... who is responsible for baby distribution. I need to talk to them. Now.
I regret..... having wasted 3 years on IVF
I am not..... a wimp
I dance.... when the beat is really good. I can’t help it.
I sing.... like I can. I really can’t, but I don’t care too much about that.
I cry..... to heal.
I am not always..... obnoxious
I make..... things. All kinds of things. Mostly with yarn, sometimes with paint.
I write..... to communicate. It doesn’t come easy to me.
I confuse..... dates. Don’t ask me what day a week from Tuesday is, I can’t figure it out
I need..... a vacation!
I should..... lose weight
I start..... projects too late and then rush like crazy.
I finish.... most things that I start (shut up wiseguy husband, I do too).

Proof that I171H waiting damages your brain

We are adopting from Colombia not Columbia
Although a cute little frat boy might not be a bad way to waste time (just kidding honey!)


Email volley between me and DH regarding the aforementioned Jeep Stroller:

I think your sister meant this
Why because it's $29?
Exactly.
PRICEY........I don't think that was it. This is it. Or this
YES EXACTLY.


Interesting
Colombian
People


A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Colombia; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

¿Por qué estoy solo aquí?

I can’t help but notice that I am pretty much the only person out in blogland currently adopting from Colombia. I have no idea why that is. From what we can tell so far, the paperwork is no more difficult than in other countries, and in fact, seems easier in a lot of ways. The waiting time and costs are no more than Russia, Chin, Vietna, Guatemala or Korea (depending on your agency of course). The children are beautiful (just ask Erin) and have comparatively lower instances of health issues.

We came to choose Colombia through connections of very close friends. The way things unfolded, we could only believe that God meant for us to adopt from this particular orphanage. Because of this, we never considered any other country. It was only when I started blogging that I realized I was alone out here!

Sometimes people find their way here by searching “adoption, Colombia” and I’m not sure what ever happens to them. So maybe I need to spread the word a little here… I know I’m not totally finished with the process, but so far so good. I think in the next few posts I’ll include some information about adopting from Colombia.

Here’s a start based on my experiences and info from various websites, including the US Embassy in Bogota, the State Department, and ICBF. If anyone out there has any questions, or has a correction to what I’ve written, please let me know. This information is for those who are not Colombian, and who reside in the USA. The rules are slightly different if you are Colombian.


To adopt from Colombia, you must go through:

The Colombian Institute of Family Welfare (Instituto Colombiano de Bienestar Familiar, also known as “Bienestar” or “ICBF” for short), through one of its 28 Regional Offices and 5 additional Department (State) Agencies. This organization processes the government adoptions and oversees the licensing of private orphanages.

OR

One of the 8 adoption houses authorized by the ICBF:
- Ayúdame, (Bogota)
- Casa de la Madre y el Niño (Bogota)
- CRAN (Bogota)
- FANA (Bogota)
- Pisingos (Bogota)
- Casa de María y el Niño (Medellín)
- Casita de Nicolás(Medellín)
- Chiquitines (Cali)

If you live in the US, both the U.S. agency that is contracted by the prospective adoptive parents and the Colombian agency facilitating the Colombian part of the process must be approved by the Colombian government. There aren’t that many US Agencies, and the closest one to me is over 400 miles away. But so far, we have worked with this agency through emails and fedex, and it is working out just fine.

Who may adopt?
1. Married couples, or a couple formed by a man and a woman who can prove uninterrupted union for at least three years.
2. Single men and women are eligible to adopt children over the age of seven years only and on a case-by-case basis
3. In practice, newborns are assigned to younger couples, and older children are assigned to older couples.

What qualities are required of those who wish to adopt a child in Colombia?
1. Be legally capable
2. Be 25 years old or older
3. Be at least 15 years older than the adoptee
4. Guarantee physical, mental, moral and social competence and prove that you are capable of providing an adequate home for the child.

Documentation Requirements: (from our agency & Colombia)
Birth Certificates
Marriage License
Passport copies
Letters of Employment
Physician Letters
Fingerprints for FBI Clearance
Affidavit of Identification
Home Study; including:
Financial Form
Medical Form
More fingerprints
Psychological Evaluation
State Central Database Check Form
Application to Orphanage
Letter to orphanage stating reasons for adoption
Pictures of yourself and your home
I171H; to get this you need to have submitted to USCIS:
I600
Home Study Report
Electronic Fingerprints

So I’m curious as to how you all came to decide on the country you chose. Was Colombia ever an option? If so, what were your thoughts on it? Did you hear negative things about Colombia or were you unaware they had a program? Of course I ask this totally out of curiosity. I have absolutely no judgments about any country and would never question anyone’s right to choose the program they were drawn to. Just wondering what people think when they hear “Colombia” (besides Pablo Escobar and cocaine of course). I'd be interested in your honest thoughts.