It was just that kind of night.

A bunch of us went out for drinks after work (here, and it was awesome). I had never been there before (had I been paying we wouldn’t have stayed either) and it was gorgeous. It was a beautiful breezy night and we parked ourselves in a corner with a great view of the Harbor. I’m standing there (feeling very new York, thank you very much), sipping my Belvedere & Tonic and feeling pretty good. All of a sudden, I decide that I’m going to tell them.

I’ve outed myself. I finally told people at work that we are adopting. Prior to yesterday there were only three people that knew and I swore them to secrecy. Can you believe it – I did not get ONE stupid comment. NOT ONE! I am so amazed, especially since there was alcohol involved, and people are exceptionally loose lipped after a few drinks. I had braced myself for it, I figured there had to be at least one “what an honorable thing to do” or maybe a “now you’ll get pregnant”. But surprisingly not. Only warm hearted congratulations, a lot of “how exciting” and “how wonderful. A few people asked me questions, but it was normal stuff, like what gender, how soon, what country. A lot of people told me how someone close to them was also adopting. I think they all must have figured that news was coming…I am no spring chicken and they must all have been wondering why we had no kids yet. And they gave it the appropriate level of attention too…know what I mean? They didn’t dwell on it, but didn’t blow it off either. I was actually happy I told them, go figure! When I told my boss I was outed (and he was allowed to talk about it if asked), he said, “good, why shouldn’t you share that kind of exciting stuff?” (lot’s of reasons actually, but let’s stay positive, here, shall we?) Now if we could only get my family to react that way….

Speaking of which, my SIL (I think I need to come up with a good nickname for her - suggestions welcomed) called my husband and asked him if he liked the Jeep Stroller. I can’t imagine her spending this kind of money, so I’m thinking someone must be selling it or better yet throwing it out.

And no I171H yet!! Come on work with me here people!! I’m dying over here!!!

Nothing much else to say. I’m tired of thinking about adoption really. The process, the stigma, other people’s opinions, the comments, my anxiety, all of it. Just call me when the kid’s ready and I’ll come pick him up. (Ooh Freudian slip? Notice I said him and not her?). From that day on I’ll just be plain ol’ “mom” and like it.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember the other you call Mother.

Two different lives, shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star; the other became your sun.

One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.

One gave you up, it was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears.
The age-old questions through the years:
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?
Neither my child, neither; just two different kinds of love.

~Anonymous

Whew!

Holy cow what a day yesterday. You'll never believe what happened.

We get a message on Thursday night from our agency*, asking us a huge favor. It seems that the man whose wife is the president and founder of the orphanage in Colombia was in our area for the weekend, and do we think we might be able to entertain him for a bit ?
....
WHAT??!!!

FOUNDED. Did you hear that part? FOUNDED THE ORPHANAGE. Started the foundation that currently houses the child we are to parent and is currently the president and queso grande of said foundation. Since the agency is not in our area, and since it was kind of late notice, they were scrambling to find someone to do it. My husband and I look at each other eyes wide with a non-verbal "oh crap." look. What do we do? How could we say no? ("Yeah, no thanks not interested, but could you make it snappy on that orphan we're waiting for?") Why would we say no anyway, it could be fun and a great opportunity. So we say yes.

He's "lovely" and "easy-going" she said. He likes music, and cocktails. Okay, we can do that. We'll be in Manhattan for goodness sakes, an endless supply of both. DH (Did I tell you how much I LOVE that man) with his excellent social planning skills, finds something good near where he is staying. We get his phone number. DH and I play a round of "you call him" "no you call him". I call him. He sounds lovely and easy-going. We agree to meet at the apartment is staying at 7pm. I go shopping for a new pair of shoes. I give myself a quick manicure/pedicure. We shower, get dressed and go.

He greeted us warmly at the door and showed us in. The apartment was amazing, with an unbelievable view of central park and the west side. He made us martinis with Bombay Sapphire Gin. Yes indeed, he likes his cocktails, and we loved him for it. He laughed when I told him "we like hanging out with YOU" when he offered to make me a vodka tonic, my favorite drink. It was awesome. Though I was thoroughly tipsy pretty quickly, as we hadn't eaten dinner. He was charming, in true latin male fashion. He showed us pictures of his new grand daughter, and I asked if he could go back and "put an order in for one of these" for me. The drinks did wonders to loosen us up and DH and I got less nervous. At 8 we headed over to the Carnegie Club. On Saturday nights, a gentleman croons Sinatra favorites to the music of an 11 piece orchestra. We sat and listened while we lounged on couches and leather chairs. We drank some more, ate cheese and shrimp cocktail, and DH even had a cigar. Judging by the number of times our guest said "Very good, no?" I think he liked it. I even heard him sing a little.

We put him in a cab back uptown around 10. I got a kiss goodbye. Still thrilled over the success of the night, DH and I walked a few blocks before we hailed our own cab. I can't believe we did it. I am not very good at the social thing, having to make chit chat with a stranger scares the hell out of me. But I think we did okay. I think he'll at least be able to tell his wife that we'll make decent parents, even if the wife does have an affinity for vodka.

*technically not an agency, but close enough for the purpose of the story

And THANKS for all the FISH*....

Thank you all for the wonderful birthday wishes! I feel so loved! Jen even sent me a great e-card that cracked me up. It’s so great to have “met” all of you this year. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me deal with all that’s going on. I hope that someday I get to meet many of you in person. It seems only right to hug you all for real.

UPDATE: Please go cheer Jen on as she starts her exciting journey to Russia! The referral that wouldn't come finally came!! Go Jen! Print out all those lists and get going!

Anyway, enough gushing. My birthday was really great. I got up early and went down to the beach by myself. We live about 10 minutes from the beach and is one of the greatest things about living here.This is a real treat for me because if DH came, we would have spent the entire previous night packing up coolers and loading the car with crap we wouldn't use. (There was a neighborhood BBQ later in the day, so he was busy helping set stuff up). I threw some stuff in a bag (wallet, yarn, ipod to be exact), walked to an empty section of beach and plopped myself down about 10 feet from the surf. I took a few moments to breathe in all that great sea air and relax. I tried to reflect a little about this year, and about the future. I took a little time to say thanks for all the blessings in my life, despite all the craziness, and ask for some courage for what lie ahead. Then I got down to business. I put on the ipod, got out my yarn and knit myself silly. This is my version of heaven people, sun, sand and yarn. (Elle if your socks have sand in them, don’t ask questions). I stayed for about 3 hours and then left. Mostly because I had enough, and a little because the crowds started (what's the name of that law that says the number of people who sit right next to you is inversely proportional to the number of empty miles of beach on either side of you?).

I came home, took a shower and then drove over to a local yarn store (LYS for all you knit bloggers) that was going out of business. Scored a huge amount of yarn for very cheap. Very exciting in my world. After that I went to the neighborhood BBQ and pretended it was a huge party just for me. DH and I just crashed that evening, I was too tired to do anything. We are supposed to see Johnny this coming weekend, and the Indian food never did happen. On Sunday my brother and his girlfriend came and we all had another BBQ at my parents house. More good summer food. I can’t get enough of it. DH was very good to me all weekend, giving me lots of time to myself (quiet time helps me destress). He also gave me this:

*okay I was going to post a pic but blogger is ridiculous today*

A beautiful white gold crab pendant with diamonds. I love it to death. Crabs have meaning to me for many reasons (and yes, one is because it represents my sparkling personality, if the crab fits, wear it) so it was very special. And he NEVER buys me jewelry, so I was proud of him for doing such a great job. He's a keeper! The only thing I DIDN'T get for my birthday is the I171H, which I was secretly hoping would come (Rhonda you're not the only one with internal deadlines!). Oh well, can't have everything I suppose.

AND, since you all so kindly agreed with me about The Fish… I have another story for you. If I have to be tortured, you have to be tortured.

Let’s keep in mind with this story that The Fish is thin as a rail and her belly just looks like she had a big lunch (if it wasn’t for the aforementioned flowy blouse, I would never have realized she was pregnant). She weighs about the same as my left thigh. Think 13 year old teenage boy. Okay got the visual? Great, let’s continue…. I was standing in the lobby of the building, waiting for the elevator, and who should walk up, but The Fish. Because my mother brought me up right, I smiled and said hello, and asked her how she was. She said she was just fine thanks, but *sigh* already not fitting in her clothes! She’s down to just t-shirts because *heavy sigh*, nothing fits anymore!!
…..
.........

I stood there, blinking. And more blinking. Thinking, mind racing in fact, to think of something to say. Something that didn’t involve the words starting with F and Y. Something benign and non-bitter. I had nothin’. Now it's an awkward silence and I start to smirk. I was standing with a co-worker, and she smirks and gives me a look like "I dont' got nothin' either". We kind of just gave her that raised eye brow “oh well” face and got on the elevator. The Fish mumbled something about ‘well I guess there are worse problems to have’.

YEAH I’LL SAY YOU BIG MORON! What do you have to do buy a freaking MEDIUM t-shirt instead of an extra small?? Oh the PAIN the AGONY! How do you FACE another DAY??

So I ask you, please, amuse me with interesting ways you would torture The Fish, if it were ever legal or morally correct to do so.

*Reference anyone?

Happy Birthday to Me!

So tomorrow brings another birthday. Guess I need to change my “about me” to read 37. I’m feeling pretty good about life these days, although I am still kind of sad that we weren’t able to have a family sooner. Things are finally on the right track, and I’m grateful for that…and I know there are lots of women who have children in their late 30s (40s even) but I feel like I have so much catching up to do. I also feel like I have all this parenting knowledge that I am dying to put into practice already. (Between my SIL and Super Nanny, I’ve pretty much got what NOT to do covered).

I am finding that I am more receptive to other parents and children now. We’ve started to socialize again (no more IF drugs=people actually wanting to be around me); we've spent a little more time with our friends who have 3 kids and I found it easier to interact with them. I called there the other day and her 4 year old son actually asked to speak to me to say hello. It was no big deal to her, but I almost cried! Our other friends have an adorable two year old who doesn’t see me all that much so I was so happy when he let me hold him and even kissed me goodbye! It makes me feel like maybe I won’t be so bad at this baby thing after all! I also don’t glare at moms with kids running amok so much anymore (assuming they’re just being kids and are not over the top obnoxious). I used to hate watching other families, especially when I thought the parents weren’t parenting correctly (see you don’t even deserve to be a mom!). This especially drove me nuts in the RE’s office (Note to all you secondary infertiles out there, don’t bring your kids there EVER. We don’t care if you can’t get a babysitter, it’s just RUDE – Remind me to tell you the time a kid spilled cereal down my leg in the waiting room).

There was one incident recently though, that did piss me off. And since it’s my birthday and I’ll bitch if I want to, you get to hear it.

I call her The Fish. She’s a young little twenty something who graduated from Fancy Expensive Business School with a degree in Snob. And somehow, this makes her all knowing, despite the fact that she has not one shred of practical business experience. She always looks at me with a smirk on her face and speaks condescendingly with an annoying “right?” after every sentence. She was hired because daddy knows the president, and she has one of those weird jobs here where no one really knows what she does or what she’s responsible for. Apparently the primary responsibility is to piss. me. off. On a regular basis. She’s The Fish because she’s bland and pasty and blech. First dubbed as such because of how, upon introduction she placed a dead fish in my shook my hand. (Note to all women out there, for goodness sakes learn how to SHAKE HANDS like a confident woman! Make eye contact and have a firm grip! )

Anyway, she dresses frumpy, has an awful short haircut and wears no makeup. So imagine my surprise the other day when I walk into a meeting and she’s wearing this lacey, flowy, dare I say it, pretty, blouse. Wow, I think to myself, what’s gotten into her? Then I think, Wow, it makes her boobs look big, she’s normally pretty flat ches….. HOLY CRAP that’s a maternity blouse!!. NEWMAN!! After the initial panic, I calmed myself down by telling myself that if all goes as planned, my child will arrive before hers. I know that sounds so petty and mean, and I guess it is, but well, it made me feel better. And in case you didn’t get the memo, this is the year of me.

And while I have since learned to focus on the positive aspects of not getting pregnant, I couldn’t help but think how unfair it was that the second she walks into a room people smile and start talking about due dates and new babies. Perhaps I should staple the I600 to my forehead.

No plans for the birthday as of yet. The only thing I asked for was to see Pirates of the Caribbean in an actual movie theatre (I loves me some Johnny Depp). This is a huge treat for me because DH has the attention span of a gnat and can not watch anything without a remote in his hand, flipping back and forth between my show and –insert stupid show here-. As stated in my previous post, it’s usual something riveting like a show about fighter jets, or golf or lately, the Tour de France. So maybe we’ll do that or not (may wait til next weekend to see it with friends) and maybe we’ll have Indian food for dinner or not, or maybe I’ll sit in peace and quiet and knit…we’ll see.

Oh and a big THANK YOU to Debbie for sending me lots of yarn! The kindness & generosity of bloggers continues to amaze me! See the goods here.

Testing, 1,2 3 Is this thing on?

I was sitting on the couch knitting the other day. Sitting there in my usual catatonic state, grumbling the occasional “mmm, knitting” to DH when he insists I “come here for just one second” every 5 minutes. I’ve since learned to ignore these pleas, because all too often I’ve hastily put my project aside only for him to show me something really interesting like a website about fancy boats, or a tv show about gigantic mining equipment (what is with men anyway?) and then come back to find the cats playing “die-pink-string-die”.

Anyway, I digress. The tv is on for background noise and through the blah blah blah I hear a random snippet of a song “ I don’t know why…..”. And to my surprise, I belt out: “she swallowed the flyyyyyy, perhaps she’ll dieeeeee” . I cracked myself up! I can’t believe I remembered that song from my childhood. (Perhaps I should get a hobby that requires more interaction with the human race). Since we have Rhapsody (an on-line music service) I yelled to DH to find that song and play it. Sure enough he found it. Do you remember it?

I know an old lady who swallowed a fly,
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly, perhaps she’ll die
I know an old lady who swallowed a spider,
who wriggled, and jiggled and tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly, perhaps she’ll die….


Who knows the rest? (no fair googling!) Which of course got me thinking, we’ve talked about children’s books, but what about songs? I asked my mom and we had a hilarious time remembering songs. She reminded me that one of our most favorites was “You could be swinging on a star” So of course we had to all bust out into song:

And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo
Every day you meet quite a few
So you see it's all up to you
You can be better than you are
You could be swingin' on a star

Be happy you weren’t there to hear it, although it might explain why your dog starting howling about 7:00 EST last night. How about this gem: “Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy, A kid ‘ill eat ivy too, wouldn’t you?”

So, What songs did you most often sing (or have sung to you) when you were little? Points to those who have the most obscure favorites.

Oh, and when you think of them, call the person who used to sing it to you (or had to listen to it too) and sing it to them. Guaranteed giggles. And thanks to all the great comments on the last post. I left you all comments back!

YAWN

That pretty much sums up things around here. Life officially goes back to normal for me tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a great 4th. We spent the day at the beach with the entire family, it was fun. Hot, but fun. My family is so weird though. Everyone kind of knows about the adoption because my mom told them when I was going through my personal issue. But no one really brought it up and the few times I mentioned it no one really said much. Maybe I should ask mom exactly what she said! Whatever. There'll be plenty of time for excitement when the baby gets here.

We started looking on Craig's List for some interesting baby furniture. If you've never checked it out, be warned, it's addicting. It's basically a low tech on-line garage sale. It kind of reminds me of how ebay used to be before it got so ginormous and popular. So I'm on the lookout for some interesting things that can be repainted for the room. We've already inquired about a few things, so we'll see. Oh and I just bought this on a whim at the grocery store:
It's got some really great ideas, I recommend it.

That's it. That's all I got today.

(Yawn).