Saturday, February 24, 2007

A little follow up

Thanks for all your comments about my Breadwinner post. I want to make something clear though - I (we) are totally comfortable in our choice to have BT stay home. We don't really care what other people think, because we know this makes the most sense for our situation and for seamonkey's well being. You're right, it doesn't matter which parent gets to stay home.

The "issue" if there is one, is really about how he and I are settling into this new routine. What I am learning, is that there is some truth to the fact that there is never really a complete role reversal. Women, being women, just naturally do a little more than their share. Somteimes that pisses me off, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, after coming home from a long day, I am disheartened to see the house a mess. This morning, I know I will have to spend a few hours getting things cleaned up or I'll go mad. Again, I don't think he's lazy or doing it intentionally...I think he just has to realize that this is part of the job.

The other part of this is communication. Trying to get my thoughts and feelings across without making him feel inferior, which displays itself as anger. I don't think he realized he would feel this way sometimes, but I know he does. And no offense to you stay at home moms out there, but it is a very different situation. I thought it would be similar, but I realize it isn't at all. I would guess that many of your working husbands don't complain much about cleaning because 1) they don't care so much 2) you would never leave such a mess. This is my biggest challenge so far. I've been able to say things like "Can you do me a favor and clean the bathroom today" and refrain from saying "or else things will start growing out of the toilet". And I know I have to realize, as Del aptly put it, "sometimes men don't see the same piles/messes we see" and girl, ain't it the truth! So I'll let you know how it goes as we progress here.

Anyway...I got another great little giftie from my secret pal:

It is a hilarious card and book. The front of the card says "Stuff that gets on my nerves more than it should: Slow people at the salad bar. The inside shows a the same slow woman with the beejezus scared out of her because someone shouted HOLY CRAP IT'S NOT A DECORATING CONTEST! I tell ya SBP, I laughed at loud at that one, and maybe because I may have on some occasion uttered those exact words. The book is entitled "Women of Substance - A Collection of Estrogen-Rich Cartoons by Revilo. Hilarious cartoons about being a woman. I've cut a few out already! Whoever you are, you get me! Thanks very much!


Andrea said...

Hee hee, I love that your sense of humor and snarkiness is VERY similar to mine. LOVE that!

Good point from your hubby- my DH can walk over the same pile of clothes for WEEKS and not bother him. But I can also be an offender- looking at my bathroom right now, I guess I had better get off blogging and get cleaning :) You guys will figure it out, I know it!

Beagle said...

I don't have any great advice in this department but I am sure you guys will find your balance.

My one SIL has the best of both worlds. She is a SAHM and her hubby is a the breadwinner and he also does 80% of the chores. If I ever figure out her secret, I'll be sure to post about it. (I think my BIL is being taken advantage of but that's his job to decide.)

At our house, still pre-kids, we both work FT and share home chores. I guess for the most part it's fair, most of the time.

Maybe I'll slack off on chores for a bit, while I'm busy carrying 100% of the adoption paperchase! ;-) Don't know if that will make me feel better, but I'll let you know!