Monday, February 12, 2007

So how is it?

That is the number one question I get asked about being a new mom.

My standard short response is “Awesome”. At this point, the conversation can go one of several ways:

1. The person (woman) says “great” and walks away.
Translation: Screw you my kids were/are nightmares and I don’t want to hear happy stories.

2. The person (man) says “great” and walks away.
Translation: This is woman talk and I will not participate lest it morph into discussions of menstrual cramps and brownie recipes.

3. The person says “Yes, isn’t it?! Do you have pictures?”
Translation: I have no kids so I have no clue but I think other people’s are real cute as long as I don’t have to hold them for too long.

4. The person says “I know! My little Billy is so amazing! He can roll over already and he’s only 3 months old! He can speak two languages and likes to eat mangoes and he just makes the cutest little face when you read him poetry and blah blah yada yada blabber blabber .. Translation: Somebody get me a life.

5. The person says “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you. What’s his name?”
Translation: I am a normal human being with relatively well-adjusted kids of my own, we don’t need to talk endlessly about our kids, tell me his name and I’ll ask about him from time to time.

Needless to say, I try to surround myself with a lot of #5’s.

I also get asked “Getting any sleep?” accompanied by a smug know-it-all-grin. I hate to break it to y’all, but yes, I am. The boy sleeps all night, every night, pretty faithfully since we’ve had him. And if this discontinues because everyone keeps making me say that out loud thereby pissing off all the Gods of Baby Sleep, then I will very angry. And tired. And very. Very. cranky. Don’t make me go there.

In other ranting, what is up with people and baby gifts? It's not the ugly clothes that get me, or even the cheap stuff. I understand that not everyone has good taste or alot of money, and in general I truly appreciate any acknowledgement of the boy's arrival. It's just that I don't get what some people are thinking when they give gifts. Why don't people always include gift receipts?? I have a ton of stuff that totally doesn't fit him or is well, okay, too ugly for my tastes and now I don't know what to do with them. And people, please consider his general SIZE. I can pretty much guarantee he won't be wearing that adorable fuzzy bear snow outfit with cute little ears on the hood in MAY because you bought a size 9 MONTHS. Of course my SIL pulled this classic move -when we first came home, she told us over and over how she bought an adorable outfit with a snowman on it, but she thinks it's too big because it's size 9 months (he was 4 months at the time). Despite my repeated replies, that YES it's too big and NO he won't be able to wear it, she gave it to us anyway, and so far she hasn't produced a receipt, so it's still sitting in a bag in our living room. Don't even get me started on her...okay wait just one more story...

We told everyone that we did NOT want a packnplay - we didn't think it was necessary given our particular lifestyle - but we registered for a very small one anyway, as people were complaining there weren't enough items on my registry (our families are very big). I was very particular about it, because most of them are too big and have too many unnecessary fancy thingamabobs attached. If I had to have one, I wanted small, simple and plain. I was also thinking that if we didn't get it as a gift we wouldn't buy one at all. So, needless to say, on Christmas SIL gets us a different PNP than the one we registered for (actually it was supposedly from my niece but it was clear who's idea the whole thing was), and while we were very appreciative, we said very nicely that we weren't sure if we were going to even have one at all. No problem she said, you can always use the money at BRU and get something you do want. Because the box is big, we left it at our in-laws house. The next week when we are there, lo and behold the thing is out of the box and all set up. SIL insisted that we just see what it looked like set up, as if the picture on the box weren't enough, or as if I'm too stupid to be able to visualize. She felt that we should keep it at my MILs house for when we are there, or if he stays over. First, seamonkey will NEVER be staying over night there. My in-laws, while they are the most wonderful and loving people ever, they are in their late 70's and are too old to babysit a small child. They both have a variety of ailments that would make it very difficult for them (my FIL is in denial but my MIL knows she couldn't do it and I would never put her under that kind of pressure). Second, my in- laws have a TINY little cape and the thing now takes over half of their living room. But, SIL has forced it upon everyone and now there it sits. So ridiculous.

Okay. That's enough. I'm trying to be nice now that I'm a mom and have to set a good example. Did I mention that the way she talks baby talk to him gets on my nerves too? Please woman, stop with the "blankie" and "ba ba". He's a genius and he's going to Harvard, so let's act accordingly. Okay enough. Really.

Thanks for all the kind words on my last post. I know it was shameless self promotion - but we all need compliments once in a while, even if we have to fish for them ourselves. If I had my way, I would win Megamillions and be able to quit my job and pursue my arts and craftiness full time. However, Pampers and Similac ain't cheap, so I have to settle for having it as a hobby. I do have plans to make some decorative things (picture frames, treasure boxes) and sell them online somehow, so keep an eye out for that at some point. Of course, I do all this stuff free for family and friends, and despite how busy I am, if anyone asks I rarely say no. I'm in it for the craft not the money.

Lastly, a big THANK YOU to my secret pal! Sorry I'm so late with this acknowledgement (I am the worst with timely thank yous) I have no excuse. But a few weeks ago I came home to a little box that was chock full of CHOCOLATE! Hello? Could you have gotten me a better gift? You rock whoever you are!


Ani said...

OMG - I'm just catching up on your blog and WOW - you are an artist!
What a gorgeous baby room... Thanks for the pictures, words wouldn't do it justice.

Bezzie said...

Ha ha, yeah I prefer the #5's too. Drives me nuts when all I have in common with someone is that I have a kid and they too have kid(s)...therefore why yes, we should be bestest pals forever and ever. Whatever!!!

And Chunky was a thru the night sleeper about the same age your little guy is...hee hee, I used to love quashing the smug smiles myself. Muhahahahahah!

Beagle said...

Yes, bring on the #5's though I guess for now I am a #3 who would hold the kid as long as he liked, so I'd have to welcome that category too!

I can imagine the gift thing gets dicey at times. I actually have a friend who's daughter placed a baby for adoption five years ago and before this was decided my friend bought all sorts of yard sale baby bargains. Now she can't wait to give this huge collection of stuff to me. I don't want to be a snob, but this kid (as yet unattained) of mine will have been so hard won, that s/he is NOT wearing yard sale clothes!(these are not chi chi yard sale clothes, just faded onsies and kmart type jumpers.)

It's OK to want what you want!

annmarie said...

I'm with kid is not wearing used yard sale, hand-me-down crap. Nu-uh, no way...and yet people feel the need to offer me their crap. For Christmas I demanded Babies-R-Us gift cards. I was really a bitch about it, but I got my gift cards. Of course when my child comes home, I'll be dealing with what you're dealing with. I look to you for inspiration. If you can hold back from beating your SIL senseless, I suppose I can do the same. And I did not comment on your nursery -- it's fantastic!

Kerry said...

FYI - You don't have to be nice just because you're a mom now. You can still give people hell. Really. It's ok. Just ask my kids. LOL

Barely Sane said...

I'm sorry but I just have to laugh at the whole "what were they thinking" gift thing. I said those VERY SAME words! I couldn't understand WHY people would get me such unsuitable gifts (ie winter stuff in size 6-9 months). The only things I got a receipt for were the ones I wanted to keep! It was a huge headache taking everything back. Actually, I still have some of the gazillion bibs I received waiting to be returned.

Mmmm, I wish someone would send ME a box of chocolate!

chou-chou said...

Oh dear - I'm afraid I sound like a #3. Granted, I don't (yet) have my own kids, but I very much like holding other people's kids!! Will have to modify my responses... :-)

And, WOW, that nursery is fantastic!! Will you please come to my house and make one for me?

ruth said...

Have to admit that as much as I'd like to be a number 5 I'm probably a 3 at the moment. :) Your SIL sounds like my MIL. At least it's not in your house and hopefully your PIL will be able to take it down soon?

Anonymous said...

Hey, my dd slept like that, too, so yes, sometimes it happens (to the chagrin of all the parents it doesn't happen to, LOL). Lucky you!

And SIL...hoo do you deal??

Jenni said...

The #5's are definitely the people you want to hang around. Glad to hear you are getting a lot of sleep - hopefully that knocks the smug grin off people's faces!

I have SIL issues as well - mine has not even taken the time to ask about or meet the kids, and they've been home for over a year! She lives only 30 minutes away from us. Well, at least I don't have to worry about any unwanted gifts from her cluttering my home! (the Pack-N-Play thing is RIDICULOUS, BTW).

LDBM2003 said...

LOL I think we all like the number 5`s, but I suspect you will come across more number 4`s. I was never advised mommyhood is a competition, but it sure seems that way sometimes.

jeneflower said...

Getting clothes too big is O.K. because it is nice when your child does grow into it, but the clothes too small thing is a problem. Maybe you could donate them somewhere. Sometimes I keep them for gifts to give to other people's (smaller) babies. As far as the ugly clothes go I suggest you trash them as to save the world from having to see the tacky outfit on someone else's child. You would be doing us all a favor.

bethee said...

I turned our "must have" pack n play into a ball pit. He LOVES the thing. I never wanted a pack n play, but like you, it was thrust upon us, so I walked around that famous 'r us store, and voila, a few bags of plastic ball pit balls, and there you are! I've gotten many a shower out of that entertainment vehicle.