Monday, August 14, 2006

Everything & Nothing

I think I've finally put my finger on what my problem is. A part of me is definitely excited, more excited than ever really, but right now I’m mostly feeling anxious and agitated and I think I can articulate why.

Because everything has changed and nothing has changed.

Everything has changed because our paperwork is finally finished and has been mailed off. But it's been mailed off to a faceless stranger that I have only exchanged a handful of emails with, each of them rarely more than a dozen words or so. This process is so impersonal. If I don't email someone with a question, no one contacts me. So while technically we are on to the next phase, it feels like nothing has changed. It doesn't feel real yet. Yes, there's more lists of things to do and get, but it's all still just more paperwork. I think that's why I got frustrated over reading the materials from our agency. I think that's why I really can't do any major shopping yet. I think that's why I looked at my MIL like she was crazy when she said she wanted to throw a shower soon. It's not really real yet. And it won't be real until I get the call. Whoa momma am I going to be one sloppy sodden weepy mess on that day. (Oh and for those of you that asked, we certainly do plan to bring a laptop to Colombia. I dragged you this far, you've got to see this whole mess til the end).

Anyway, just wanted to let that particular swirling crazy out of my head. One down, eleventy million to go. On to fun stuff...

DH and I went to the bookstore this weekend...something we do quite often. This time we decided to venture into the Parenting section. We started to look at “What to Expect the First Year” and “Parenting for Dummies” and all those kinds of things…then we both quickly got turned off by all the pregnancy stuff in them (sorry breeders, it’s still touchy for me) and ditched that idea for the baby name books. After laughing at that a while (why can’t they make a book called “101 Names you would actually consider naming your child”) we decided we’ll borrow some books from relatives and learn the rest on our own. Then I got up the guts to enter the children's area, averting making eye contact with anyone lest they realize I am a fraud with no children and shouldn't be in there (ha just kidding)...and we bought these:
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I read them to DH in the car on the way home. I was cracking up. Of course the Monster book is my favorite, and the Very Bad Day book is DH's favorite. Although it will be a long time before our little one can read, it was nice to know we had them. Also in my travels this weekend I bought a very pretty baby picture frame. Slowly but surely I guess. Oh and I've been browsing this site...check out the prices on this stuff!! Crazy or what? I sent it to my mom and told her that's where I'm going to register. I won't tell you what she said in response.

On Saturday I got hornswaggled into going with my husband's fsurf fishing club to a "family barbecue". Although my husband was told that wives and kids would be going, when we got to the parking lot to meet everyone it was me and 5 other guys. That's it. O-Kay!! And I didn't even bring my knitting because I didn't want DH to get mad at me for being all anti-social. But it ended up being was the maiden voyage of driving our new truck on the beach. Thankfully everything went well or DH would have been putting a big ass FOR SALE sign on it the next morning. It was very cool to pull the truck up close to the shore and hang out. We barbecued a little and the guys did some fishing (fish count = zero), we saw a great sunset and an even cooler moonrise (huge red moon).
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting That's me in the pink.
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On Sunday we visited the in-laws. My SIL was there recovering from shoulder surgery. Dont even get me started.....


del said...

I love the Alexander book! I must have read it about 1 million times.

I'm glad the fishing club was OK, in spite of you being the only XX there, LOL.

Awwwww, poor SIL...did you hit her in the shoulder by way of greeting?

Elle said...

The first books we bought were Sandra Boynton's The Going to Bed Book and Goodnight Moon. Can't have a child without Goodnight Moon!

Books are safe. Anytime I have the urge to buy something for Pickle I head out to the bookstore. Love it!

My word verification was "ohlahhfl" Just struck me as funny.

MMrussianadoption said...

Holy cow, could you just die over that Cinderella pink carriage thing on that site! The monster at the end of this book used to be my all time favorite too! I had found a used copy several years back to read to my preschoolers. Another great book which I just came upon that will have you laughing is I Wanna Iguana. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is another one you should check out.

Amy Lane said...

I love 'found' days like that--where you do what you weren't planning to do but are later pretty sure you had a better time doing that than you would have doing anything else in the world.

Lori Rode said...

Alexander is one of my favorite kids books. My mom had it when she was running her daycare. Even now, my bro or my mom or I will look at the other and say "Maybe I'll move to Australia." And then, they just know how you're feeling. It's so cool!
Keep going, dear one!

MAMB said...

LOVE love love that Grover book! My all time fav! I used to do the voice for my nephew - it cracked my sister up (he wasn't too sure what was so funny).

I have had to ease into the idea of shopping too. I always feel like a fraud in baby departments.

And gee, thanks for the great photo of you lol. Nice arm.

Margaret said...

I can understand the everything and nothing feeling. I was sad when I sent my dossier off... it was the end of any control on my part. It's all up to the unknown faces now.

Just don't move to Australia... it's gonna happen!

-Jenny said...

As margaret said, the whole relinquising the dossier is exhilirating and shitty. You worked soo hard to get it all together and then let go and it seems like a black hole. All gone outta your control.

I am glad you bought SOMETHING! cause you need to buy some stuff.

BTW, i went to BRU for the first time this weekend, way way way overrated.

and I loved the "that is me in the pink" picture.

jill said...

get "the runaway bunny" it's my favorite book - when i first read it to the heir i cried...

Kay/Hanazono said...

Laughing about "that's me in the pink"!

Holy moly are those prices insane on that site! So fun to look at though :)

Congratulations on getting your paperwork out the door! Our agency is the same way -- not very touchy-feely. So glad you will be bringing your laptop with you, though!!

kirsten smith said...

oh posh tots! who buys that stuff? i borrowed my friend's catalog a couple of weeks ago and i am still in awe over the prices. i think even if we made a gazillion dollars a year, i'd still have a hard time buying anything there.

fun books! enjoy them, and enjoy the time you have to go the bookstore alone. that's something josh and i loved doing too. we've been twice in the past three months.

Chelsea said...

The Alexander book is one of my faves too, I really like "Blueberries for Sal" a really old school book but brings me back to childhood, another would be Tikitikitembonosowrembo!!

conrats on the paperwork!

jeneflower said...

I was going to tell you how much I love those books you picked, but I guess everyone has already done that. Gorgeous picture!