Monday, October 23, 2006

Babes, Test tube and otherwise

First let me say that I am old. I am old because I threw out my back. I have never done this before. Nor have I ever said “threw out my back”. I think only old people say that. But the worst is how I did it. I sneezed. Someone call the nursing home, I need a bed. I spent Saturday mostly immobile, but we did go to the movies. I went despite my bad back because my husband wanted to go, and he NEVER wants to go. He has the attention span of a gnat, and therefore needs other forms of distraction like the computer or magazines to look at while he watches a movie. He’s strange folks what can I say. Anyway, he wanted to see The Departed. Did anyone see that yet? If so, I would like to know what you think. Email me so you don’t spoil anything in the comments. The only thing I will say here is…When did Leo DiCaprio get so delicious and why didn’t anyone tell me? He totally went all Anthony Michael Hall people!!. All bulked up and hunky, and my oh my did he always have blue eyes? Anyway, on to more serious matters….

Tonight on PBS, the American Experience series is airing a documentary on Test Tube Babies. It will discuss the early days of IVF and the moral and political debates that went on at that time. An article about it is posted here.

You want to hear something really stupid? At the time I was having infertility treatments, I totally didn’t realize that our child (assuming it worked HA!) would be a test tube baby. I didn’t make the connection. I remember one day I was sitting at the blood drawing station waiting for the sadist nurse, and there was a poster on the wall (I think it was an advertisement for a drug company) that showed a big cartoon test tube with these cherub faced little babies literally swimming around inside it. I remember thinking, Oh Heh, test tube babies, get it? Then it hit me. Yikes. I remembered how the whole world was making such a big deal about it when I was a kid. And now there I was. It’s so common now it’s ridiculous. Besides the fact that the RE’s office was always JAMMED, you can’t talk to anyone these days without hearing about at least 2 or 3 people who are having “trouble” conceiving! Makes you wonder if it’s something environmental, or just the simple fact that we are all having babies older than our parents did. My mom was 22, can you imagine! I cringe to think what I was doing in college instead of being a responsible adult with a family!

The religious debate is particularly interesting to me. Someone I know who went through IVF spoke to her priest about it because she was so distraught over it. The priest had a very interesting take on it. He said that if your body is not working properly, you take the necessary steps to fix it. Like dialysis, and heart transplants, IVF is just another way to overcome those things. They had a loving marriage and wanted to fulfill their vows of procreation and raising children in the faith. So they need a little help...is that so bad? I have always remembered that, and it helps me to justify why I did it myself.

Anyway, I'm going to try to catch it tonight, if you watch it, let me know what you thought.

Can also say something? You may find it quite shocking. I've been thinking about it alot lately, and thought I would put it out there: I have never really wanted to be pregnant. There I said it. Still standing? Think I’m nuts? I know that many women feel that being pregnant is the ultimate in terms of being a woman. Not me. Don’t know what it is, but the thought of being pregnant always seemed like the Alien movies to me. It sounds gross and weird, not beautiful and natural. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed it didn’t work, but mostly because I didn’t want to let everyone else down…my husband, our parents. (Also because I don’t like to lose. At anything. Don’t play pictionary with me, it’s not pretty. I’m like Grace Adler, seriously) But ever since I was young, I could never picture myself pregnant. You know how sometimes you can picture yourself married, or having a dog, or owning a house? I could never conjure up a mental picture of me pregnant. My mom mentioned in passing once (knowing my feelings on the subject) that maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Could be, who knows. I did try my very best though, I did everything I could all three tries. Consciously anyway. I even had a special acupuncture treatment the day of the transfer the last time. Stupid uterus.

The good news is that I have always pictured my self with children. Specifically, I’ve had this mental picture of me walking and holding a little girl’s hand. Funny thing is, I don’t think this referral will be a girl. Whenever I look at girly baby clothes I think, “oh too bad”. But we will be adopting another, so THAT must be the girl, right?. Or I can just be nuts. Either way I am very lucky that my husband is okay with everything. Of course we’re both a little sad that we won’t be able to pass on our own DNA and all the quirkiness that goes with it, but I think we’ll be able to nurture that kid into our own brand of lunacy to make up for what nature could not.

23 comments:

-Jenny said...

Ok, I agree on leo. I never thought he was cute then watched a preview of departed and he looked HOTT. Like rough and older hott.

Will try to watch the show tonight, am interested on the take of it.

And I hear ya, you and I are the same. I never gave a rats ass about being pregnant, just wanted the baby. We are soo weird---he.

Hope your back feels better-J

MAMB said...

Sneezing? Oh girl...should we get you a walker for your baby shower? hehe

I never really wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to end result - a baby. I also loved the idea of a little blend of Steve and I running around. But 9 months of being miserable? So doesn't sound like fun. I would be the most miserable pregnant person ever. No glow, no peace, just whining and bad skin I bet. My only touch of regret is not seeing Steve and I blended into a genius smartass.

Margaret said...

I threw my back out putting on a pair of jeans one day. Heh! (My advice? Lay on back on the floor with your knees up on the couch. You'll look ridiculous, but it helps.)

I always thought I wanted to be pregnant and have kids. But when I decided I didn't want wait for Mr. Right (aka Mr. Too Damn Slow) I decided on adoption. I thought I would have to grieve the loss of carrying a child. But you know what? Not so much. Turns out it was never about being pregnant for me. It's all about being a mom.

Lauri said...

I have always thought leo was a hottie... now I need to go get me a leo fix and see that movie.

Jenni said...

Thank you for saying that you never really wanted to be pregnant! I have always felt the same way, even when I was going through fertility treatments. When I tell people this, they usually laugh, like I am joking. So few people actually understand!

Ani said...

I really wanted your review on The Departed. Going to the movies is such a project nowadays (not to mention $$$$ when you have to add a sitter to the mix) that I want to be EXTRA sure we're gonna watch something worthwhile. Although your comments on Leo are tantalizing enough to make the expense worth MY while :)

Hope you're feeling better!

Oh, and although I think I would've loved to be pregnant - we did go thru all that poking and prodding at the RE for something, right? But, after a while I realized that what I really wanted was to be a MOM. And now, I am certain I was meant to be our son's MOM - regardless of how he came to our lives. Such a blessing!!!!

Leggy said...

Okay but you didn't tell me there were going to be rats in this show. Ewwww. Snakes I can deal with- rats and mice freak me out.

ERin said...

Target + baby aisle = referral v. v. close. I can feel it.

Anonymous said...

Breeder here... and if I may be honest, I didn't particularly like being preggo.
I felt super guilty about that when there are so many just as deserving ladies who try so hard. While it took me longer than I expected, it was nothing compared to what you went through.
I just tried to appreciate the cool aspects when I could, but I was miserable 85% of the time. I also seriously resented the "I LOOOVED being preggo!" people. I really wanted to hurt them. Anyway thought I'd throw in my 2cents.
A friend of mine has two girls from China and she says she regrets the IVF and all the years of trying. Now that she has her girls none of that matters anymore and she is just their mommy.

Do you have a 50/50 chance of getting a girl from Colombia?

Sharon G. said...

I love this post!
It reminds me of something: When I was in elementary school, there was this girl who had an adopted brother. They were the same age. We all thought that it was so strange - how could that be when they weren't twins. Then we found out he was adopted, and we were all, "Ohhh, that explains it" (this is like 4th grade, mind you.) Around the end of the school year, word somehow got out that she was the product of a surrogate mother. We all thought that was so strange...like she was totally different from all of us. We called her "Tube Girl" for a while.

Looking back, it's funny how to us, as kids, we were OK with her brother being adopted, but the idea of her coming from out of TUBE...that was just too much for us to handle.

I enjoyed being knocked up, but I have a few girlfriends who really did not enjoy the process. One girlfriend realized that breeding wasn't for her after having her daughter. She and her hubby will be looking into adopting after the new year. She says that only thing she'll miss is not breastfeeding, but that the rest is for the birds.

Roxie said...

With the back, try Tylenol PM, alternate heat and ice, lie on the floor with knees up (feet on the couch is good!)and get one of those wide elastic belts that construction workers wear. It reminds you not to strain the area, and it helps keep it warm. Also, Thermawraps are a Godsend. Lastly, stretch gently before you sit up in the morning.

Beagle said...

Oh, I wish I had read yesterday! How was the show?

Amy Lane said...

hmm.... what I really love is when they get old enough for me to think: He's legal, I'm not just some dirty old lady lusting for a yummy little teenager...Yeah...Leo hit that for me when he was Howard Hughes...what can I say? I like crazy men... Can I just say I get the same thing from Jensen Ackles now that he's on Supernatural? mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm mmm....

Don't feel bad about not wanting to be pregnant. I've been pregnant four times--everything swells, everything hurts, everything sucks. It's the only condition where you can say, with feeling, "Cripes does my ass hurt" and no one thinks this is out of line. No--pregnancy sucks big time, but parenthood rocks--if God has mandated that you get to skip one and benefit from the other, you are welcome to feel a sense of guiltless relief. There's so much more to being a woman and a wife and a parent than being an incubator with legs. (And that last part of pregnancy? The one that involves screaming, blood and drugs? Could have REALLY done without that part.)

Hoping the back feels better. If you tell everyone you threw it out during nookie, you'll enjoy the pain just a smidge more.

Lise said...

I've got one kid, had an easy pregnancy and an unmedicated birth, and believe me I think you'd have to be seriously nuts to want the state of pregnancy. I felt good most of the time and it was still really rough; it just is. So you just sound reasonable to me. crossing fingers for you with adoption stuff.

mo said...

Thats ok to say that. Natural, sure, as in Nature- forces of nature you have no power against. Beautiful? O.k., I guess so. If hemmoroids and huge asses and stretch marks are beautiful (in all fairness, huge asses are beautiful but pregnancy induced huge asses are sort of a thing unto themselves...)then yes, beautiful. The feelings can be beautiful though. Except the feelings that Tom Cruise says don't exist. But making babies- and adopting babies- is hard work and thats o.k. because its all worth it in the end.

Andrea said...

I, too have never wanted to be pregnant. Especially since my step-sister is pregnant right now, everyone thought I'd be devastated. Um, nope. I have a strong desire to be a MOM- not pregnant. I am seriously taking the wimpy way out, and I'll freely admit it. I'll take the stress of adoption ANYDAY. I am not cut out to be pregnant, and I bless every woman who can be. It's just not for me.

And I threw out my neck once- stretching. Yea, that was fun to explain.

jeneflower said...

I could have written this post.

1. I am also old and I don't know how my back is going to hold out much longer.

2. Leo IS a hottie.

3. I NEVER wanted to be pregnant. I hated it every time (of course I loved the kids at the end part). I even told my Mom the same ALIEN complaint when I was pregnant. I said, "Why does everyone say pregnancy is all cute when it is freakish and alienish?" I thought my mom was going to have a heart-attack. She didn't take my comment well. But Oh well. That is how I felt.

steph said...

I am a wack job who always wanted to be pregnant. As a child, pretend games included me as mom, with a pillow under my shirt, and any other kids crazy enough to play with me were my subordinate chillins. There was no man involved. hhhmmmmm.
Still want it. The experience of it infatuates me. But I know I'll be happy being a mom one way or another. And I can teach ANY child to be a smart ass (0:

Watched part of the special but honestly got a little bored. Plus hubby was more interested in CSI. It took me some time to put it together that IVF = test tube baby. Probably b/c it's no big deal now, and they don't call it that. I remember TV as a kid showing this little girl as the first test tube baby and it was this major thing. Not anymore!!

On Our Way said...

I like Margaret's point. Maybe that is you that it is all about being a Mom. I always wanted to be a wife and mom. However I never thought of the pregnancy part of it. Hint: Just like I never thought of the idea that it' s a lot of work. It is oh so worth it. Pregnancy was fine for me. I loved the wonder of it all.

Anonymous said...

Oh man. Don't feel old because you threw your back out. By the age of 19, I'd done that about 4 or 5 times. At least once because of a sneeze. Heh, bakeries are a great place to work!

Avonlea said...

I don't know about self fulfilling prophecies - in the context of infertility, but it's certainly something I've considered too but I don't believe it.

I think if you can picture it, you can make it happen - and you will.

I hope your back is feeling better soon.

Beagle said...

I commented earlier about the TV show. But I've been thinking about the rest.

I'm not nearly as clear as some of you about how I feel about pregnancy, but I don't really think I'd miss it. It's the child I crave, sure it would be cool to feel one grow inside in some ways, but that also freaks me out in some ways. As for DNA, I could care less. Maybe the child would be better off with a whole other mix than what we'd be able to offer!

Great post by the way.

Jen said...

I just found your blog, and I feel the same way you do. We've just stopped our IVF treatment, and are moving on to the adoption process, which is what I really wanted to do in the first place. I feel so freed, and happy. And I'm glad that I am definitley not alone in the "went through IVF even though I didn't feel it was neccessary."