Babes, Test tube and otherwise

First let me say that I am old. I am old because I threw out my back. I have never done this before. Nor have I ever said “threw out my back”. I think only old people say that. But the worst is how I did it. I sneezed. Someone call the nursing home, I need a bed. I spent Saturday mostly immobile, but we did go to the movies. I went despite my bad back because my husband wanted to go, and he NEVER wants to go. He has the attention span of a gnat, and therefore needs other forms of distraction like the computer or magazines to look at while he watches a movie. He’s strange folks what can I say. Anyway, he wanted to see The Departed. Did anyone see that yet? If so, I would like to know what you think. Email me so you don’t spoil anything in the comments. The only thing I will say here is…When did Leo DiCaprio get so delicious and why didn’t anyone tell me? He totally went all Anthony Michael Hall people!!. All bulked up and hunky, and my oh my did he always have blue eyes? Anyway, on to more serious matters….

Tonight on PBS, the American Experience series is airing a documentary on Test Tube Babies. It will discuss the early days of IVF and the moral and political debates that went on at that time. An article about it is posted here.

You want to hear something really stupid? At the time I was having infertility treatments, I totally didn’t realize that our child (assuming it worked HA!) would be a test tube baby. I didn’t make the connection. I remember one day I was sitting at the blood drawing station waiting for the sadist nurse, and there was a poster on the wall (I think it was an advertisement for a drug company) that showed a big cartoon test tube with these cherub faced little babies literally swimming around inside it. I remember thinking, Oh Heh, test tube babies, get it? Then it hit me. Yikes. I remembered how the whole world was making such a big deal about it when I was a kid. And now there I was. It’s so common now it’s ridiculous. Besides the fact that the RE’s office was always JAMMED, you can’t talk to anyone these days without hearing about at least 2 or 3 people who are having “trouble” conceiving! Makes you wonder if it’s something environmental, or just the simple fact that we are all having babies older than our parents did. My mom was 22, can you imagine! I cringe to think what I was doing in college instead of being a responsible adult with a family!

The religious debate is particularly interesting to me. Someone I know who went through IVF spoke to her priest about it because she was so distraught over it. The priest had a very interesting take on it. He said that if your body is not working properly, you take the necessary steps to fix it. Like dialysis, and heart transplants, IVF is just another way to overcome those things. They had a loving marriage and wanted to fulfill their vows of procreation and raising children in the faith. So they need a little help...is that so bad? I have always remembered that, and it helps me to justify why I did it myself.

Anyway, I'm going to try to catch it tonight, if you watch it, let me know what you thought.

Can also say something? You may find it quite shocking. I've been thinking about it alot lately, and thought I would put it out there: I have never really wanted to be pregnant. There I said it. Still standing? Think I’m nuts? I know that many women feel that being pregnant is the ultimate in terms of being a woman. Not me. Don’t know what it is, but the thought of being pregnant always seemed like the Alien movies to me. It sounds gross and weird, not beautiful and natural. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed it didn’t work, but mostly because I didn’t want to let everyone else down…my husband, our parents. (Also because I don’t like to lose. At anything. Don’t play pictionary with me, it’s not pretty. I’m like Grace Adler, seriously) But ever since I was young, I could never picture myself pregnant. You know how sometimes you can picture yourself married, or having a dog, or owning a house? I could never conjure up a mental picture of me pregnant. My mom mentioned in passing once (knowing my feelings on the subject) that maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Could be, who knows. I did try my very best though, I did everything I could all three tries. Consciously anyway. I even had a special acupuncture treatment the day of the transfer the last time. Stupid uterus.

The good news is that I have always pictured my self with children. Specifically, I’ve had this mental picture of me walking and holding a little girl’s hand. Funny thing is, I don’t think this referral will be a girl. Whenever I look at girly baby clothes I think, “oh too bad”. But we will be adopting another, so THAT must be the girl, right?. Or I can just be nuts. Either way I am very lucky that my husband is okay with everything. Of course we’re both a little sad that we won’t be able to pass on our own DNA and all the quirkiness that goes with it, but I think we’ll be able to nurture that kid into our own brand of lunacy to make up for what nature could not.