Monday, October 16, 2006

Growing up sucks

This weekend we've had to deal with something that makes it really hard to be a grown-up...a death in the family. Fortunately, my family doesn't have much experience with that, all of us are pretty healthy, and although we've had some scares, everyone seems to have made it through okay. Two years ago we lost my Uncle J, which was the first major death we've had. It was awful and devastating and we still feel his loss every day. Saturday night we lost Uncle T. He had a massive heart attack when he got into his car when leaving for work. The extended family does what it always does, rallies around and handles everything so that his family can basically just sit and cry. He was a quiet, gentle man who loved his family. He worked 2 or more jobs all of his life, as they had little money and four kids. His house is very small, but always full of love. His youngest child, K is a year and half younger than me. K and I were inseparable as kids and I spent most of my summers in her house despite the fact that they didn't have air conditioning or alot of fancy toys. K and I grew apart during college but over the last few years have started to reclaim our previous bond. K was very supportive during the infertility years and, when surrogacy was being discussed, she offered to have our baby. You can't ask for a more wonderful expression of love than that.

K on the left, Me on the right. Grandma joins us, as well as long haired cousin R between us on the right.

So these next few days will be very hard as we push through all the traditional Catholic rituals. I am glad I can be there for them, if only to push a glass of water into shaking hands, refill the tissue box or just sit there and listen to their sadness, anger and frustration. Although I will miss Uncle T, what is saddest for me, is that...its starting. More and more of my loved ones will start to pass. The thought that I could be the one sitting in my kitchen comforting my mother is frightening to me. But I know that day will come. And Ill get through it, just like K will I suppose. Oh well, that's life. Hopefully there will be a new little baby around soon, which always seems to bring renewed hope and faith. Now it will be even more special if we can bring him/her home before the holidays.

20 comments:

julianna said...

the circle of life


I wish I could get a good loop

That will be magnificent if you get yours before the holidays

Jenni said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It is great that the family all gathers together and shares the grief - while it is a hard time, support from the ones you love makes it a bit easier.

We lost both of Jeff's parents in the two years before adopting our kids, and it did feel a bit like "the circle of life." It was wonderful to bring the kids home on Christmas Eve to have them share that time with the family. I hope your child comes home for the holidays too.

In the menatime, I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Take care.

mo said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Uncle. It is such a tough time and an aspect of growing up that is pretty tough to handle. I lost an Aunt two weeks ago and have another family member who is terminally ill so I know what you are feeling. It is so great your family can rally around in this time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

steph said...

My clock is ticking louder and louder because of this same concern. My parents are in their late 60's and both have some medical issues. I have already started the parenting child transition and I don't even have kids yet!!
It's good that there's a circle of love around your family. Every death I experience serves as a reminder to not forget things. To say what I want to say so I don't regret it later......

MMrussianadoption said...

Sorry to hear of your loss!

MAMB said...

I'm sorry for your loss.

Margaret said...

So sorry to hear about your uncle. I lost an aunt earlier this summer and it's such a difficult thing.

Leggy said...

I'm sorry for your loss. In my recent trips down memory lane I've been thinking a lot about my own Uncle T, so even though it was years ago, it still seems pretty fresh in my mind right now. Its hard to lose those who had a profound impact on our childhoods.

Thinking of you...

Chelsi said...

My heart goes out to you. It's good that you have a strong family that rallies around to comfort and console. Family is so important!!

-Jenny said...

Steph, I am soo sorry for your sudden loss. I will say a little prayer for you and your family.

thinking of you-Jenny

Ruth said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. I'll be thining of you and your family as you go through the next few days.

Ani said...

so sorry for your loss. i am saying a prayer for you and your family.

del said...

So sorry to hear this. Your family sounds very loving & I hope you all make it through all right.

Roxie said...

You're in my prayers.

In the Salvation Army, when someone dies, they are referred to as "Promoted to Glory."

Beagle said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your and your family's loss. I'm glad you all support each other so well.

Elle said...

Oh Steph, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Know that we are thinking of you and your family.

Amy Lane said...

I'm so sorry... you're right--it does come with age, but as my stepmom said to me when HER grandmother passed, "It's silly, I know, but I still wanted my grandparents to live forever..." Time is a great and terrible thing... I'm sorry that the terrible part caught up with you and smacked you against the guardrail...and I understand your philosophy, that it will just keep catching up as the vehicle gets older...but that doesn't mean that the brush-ups don't hurt like hell. I'm sending goodwill warm wishes for you and your family.

Jackie said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

as it has been said - so sorry for your loss - my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kerry said...

Oh sweetie I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of hugs going your way!