Monday, May 14, 2007

The Mother's Day Post

My first Mother's Day. A day I have waited a lifetime for. When discussing the day's plans with my mom last week, I said to her "Whatever you want to do is fine - it's your day". After a brief pause she said "Uh, it's your day're a mother now". It took me a few seconds to comprehend that.

I thought I would spend the day saying “DAMN RIGHT!” every time someone wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. After all, I got to this point, kicking and screaming. Despite uncooperative body parts and slow governmental agencies. I earned this day dammit, and I wanted to go around shoving my beautiful boy in everyone’s face with a “HA! I AM A MOM JUST LIKE YOU TOO SO THERE”.

But I didn’t.

I thought I might spend the entire day being contemplative…reflecting on how lucky I am and how grateful I should be. I wanted to just sit and stare at my son, and think about how on earth anyone thought I was worthy of parenting this perfectly beautiful boy. I wanted to sit in a quiet room and hug him the entire day and have him all to myself.

But I didn’t

I thought that I would at least stay close to home. While I can now enter a baby store without hyperventilating, a little part of me still feels like a fraud. Like even though all the paperwork has been finalized, the world couldn’t possibly really see me as a mother. I wanted to avoid any conversations with strangers that may lead to me having to explain myself.

But I didn’t

I thought that maybe I should boycott the holiday for all the people who are still trying or who have given up the fight. I know the pain that Mother’s Day can bring. It doesn’t seem fair to them to celebrate. I wanted to avoid doing anything that might be the least bit offensive to an infertile, including bringing my child out in public.

But I didn’t

Instead, we got up in the morning and fed, bathed and dressed seamonkey like we do every Sunday morning. We went to BT’s parents and hung around there for half the day, doing the same things we do on every other visit there. (The only difference was that I had to tell my FIL that he wasn’t allowed to hold seamonkey for the day. He’s a total baby hog and never let’s my MIL have him, so I insisted that she have him for the entire day – it mostly worked). Then we went to the mall to exchange some things, and BT let me shop my heart out with no complaints. The shopping Goddesses shone upon me and I was able to find some really nice things for our upcoming trip to Florida (Except shoes – I still need shoes!). Then back to my parents where my brother, who comes over every Sunday and cooks, barbecued up some steaks.

Quite ordinary actually. At a family gathering a while ago, my cousin K was saying how excited she was for me for my upcoming first Mother’s Day. Another cousin (by marriage, and who has two bio kids) said to me “Oh Mother’s Day is just another day for me!” I was horrified. An ordinary day? Do you have any idea what this day represents for me??

But you know what? It was an ordinary day. Okay, it was the best ordinary day I’ve had…well, ever….but still ordinary. And it was just fine and dandy. The best part of the whole thing was getting calls and emails the day before from people who remembered it was my first Mother's Day. It felt like those people really knew what it meant to be a mother, and they acknowledged the hard work it took me to get here.

Hope your day was what you wanted it to be – whatever your mood or circumstances were.


wavybrains said...

You deserved that ordinary day. I'm so happy you got it!!

Jill said...

before i had kids - i thought i would love an ordinary mother's day... what is it?? happy mother's day to you my friend... love jill

Maggie said...

Happy Ordinary Day! You deserve it.

p.s. Your statement "a little part of me still feels like a fraud" is so perfectly descriptive of how I feel right now. (I was hoping it would go away when Slugger comes home... maybe not.)

Andrea said...

I'd take a million days of ordinary over one more day without a child any day :)

Happy Mother's Day to you! You read my post about the carnations, so I get the whole "fraud" feeling, believe me!

And thanks for the compliment about K. being a ladykiller. I think the same thing about Seamonkey. You're in for some Trouble with a capital T!!

Rachael said...

Ahhh. That's so sweet. I'm glad you had a perfectly lovely ordinary day.

As for feeling like a fraud, I have four kids, and I never really think of Mother's Day as my day, I always think of my mother and my mother-in-law, as if I'm just playing house or something.

Samantha said...

Happy Mother's Day to you! It sounded like an extra-special ordinary day, the best kind.

Jennifer said...

Happy Mothers Day S! (a little late)

jeneflower said...

It is interesting how you and Rhonda sort of had the same feelings about your first Mother's day.

ruth said...

Happy Mother's Day. I'm glad that it was a great one for you, sometimes it is the ordinariness of life that we overlook and forget to cherish. This year was the first year for me where I didn't avoid going out in public, or to church (they can be incredibly insensitive places on MD)or feel bitter and hate every pregnant woman I saw, so it was a good day for me too, even though child is not here yet.

MMrussianadoption said...

I am so happy for you. It sounds like you had the best mother's day. I know we will both remember this day for years to come.

Bumble said...

Happy First Mothers Day! Enjoy it because you really deserve this!!! x

Nicole said...

I gave birth to my baby and I still feel like a fraud. I think you are a true Mom, when you spend 24 hours thinking about a human being, when you clean their pooey nappies and don't gag, when your heart smiles when they do something like roll, because you are so proud. Being a mother is not just about giving birth, its how you nuture and love. Besides someone though you were worthy of a litlle one. P.S it was my first mothers day as well and as ordinary as it was, it was a nice day.

ladylinoleum said...

Magically ordinary is definitely the kind of ordinary you deserve. Happy belated Mother's Day girlie!