Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I need a vacation from my vacation

No, I haven’t been spending the last two weeks destroying my scale. If it were within the confines of normal behavior, I might still be doing it though. I am reaching rock bottom here with the weight thing. I need to do something. I can’t stand myself anymore. Why can’t I just eat less and exercise more? Why is that so freaking hard? All of the things I wanted to lose weight for are here and I haven’t lost one single pound. I called Jenny yesterday and I had to hang up the phone before I totally lost my shit. Do you know how much that freaking program is??? Are they kidding?? It would cost me thousands of dollars…not hundreds, THOUSANDS. Plural…with an S. What normal person can afford to do that program? Fuckers.


Looks like I am going to have to do this on my own then. FINE. I am cutting WAY DOWN on everything. Last night I had a Lean Cuisine and a salad. This morning I had half a bagel with a little cream cheese. For lunch I had another salad. I am going to start growing long ears and buck teeth over here but whatever. My old high school friend is coming in two weeks and the christening is right after that. Hi everyone! Yep, still fat! Move along, nothing new here …have you held the baby yet?.. divert your attention from my double chins please! ….BLEAH I AM SO DISGUSTED. Whatever.

So I just came back from a semi-vacation in Florida for 10 days, which was the real reason I haven’t been around. It was a disjointed trip spent with some of my family, some of his family, some work stuff and not enough time alone. We started out with a birthday party/family reunion near Orlando that ended up being not as fun as we thought. There’s a reason we don’t see those people very often. Then we went to visit an aunt who recently moved to a retirement community. Wish I could say it was nice, but I don’t know because no one wanted to leave the house. We were stuck in a small house with a baby, my parents and two aunts. They didn’t want to go out to eat. They didn’t want to go to the pool. They wanted to sit around the dining room table and eat leftovers and bullshit all day. We were going batty. Oh and did I mention they didn’t see a need to put the air conditioning on? Oh no, let’s just open up all of these windows and doors…don’t you feel that nice breeze? THERE IS NO FREAKING BREEZE PEOPLE IT’S 85 DEGREES AND I CAN GROW ORCHIDS IN MY ARMPITS. The only good thing about being inside was that we avoided the love bugs that were swarming in record numbers. I left my poor husband to go to a conference for a few days, and I am just thankful he didn’t go postal on my family. He later joined me at the hotel and after my conference was over we drove down to his sister’s condo in Fort Meyers for the last three days of our trip. That too wasn’t as fun as we expected. Seamonkey is in that stage where he just can not sit still, and doesn’t like to be restrained in any way. Those of you with small children know that relaxation is not possible with a mobile little person. I apparently am just learning this. In fact you are probably laughing your ass off at me that I even put “relaxing vacation” and “9 month old” in the same thought. I am an idiot. I know this now.

There were some very good parts of the trip. The second we put seamonkey on the floor at my aunt’s house, he immediately started crawling for the first time! We couldn’t believe it. I suppose one could argue that even he saw the need to escape. He also started clapping. At one point we were out listening to some live music and he was jumping up and down on my knee and clapping. Very hysterical. BT calls it the “golf clap” because it’s very soft. We also discovered his first tooth! He finally cut one on the bottom right side. Explains the extreme crankiness we’ve been experiencing. The work conference was actually very good, especially since we were in an awesome hotel and we got free tickets to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure. The company that sponsored the trip was very generous with dinners and drinks too. We got a little bit of quality time at our favorite beaches in Naples and Sanibel Island. Not nearly enough, but better than nothing.

You know I have to end with a funny story about my SIL. Not once but TWICE, I caught her referring to herself as “Mommy” when talking to seamonkey. I let it go both times, but the second time she said “Why do I keep saying Mommy?” UM, BECAUSE YOU’RE RETARDED? I mean, it's not like she has young kids that call her mommy on a daily basis. But Karma got her back because in the restaurant someone asked her “Is he your first grandchild?” I had a good laugh at that one.

Got to get to work on the 8 month update I neglected to post. Here are some pics from the trip:


MMrussianadoption said...

I love his lobster hat. Sorry you didn't have a better time.

I hear ya on the weight loss. I was doing well for awhile, and now it is starting to creep back up.

Elle said...

Paid weight loss... their all fuckers if you ask me.

Man that kid is cute. Just. wanna. kiss. all. that. chub!

Jenni said...

Sorry that your vacation wasn't what you were hoping for, but it sure makes for some amusing stories. :) The comment directed at your SIL made me laugh out loud!

I hear ya on the weight loss thing too. I can't even discipline myself enough to lose 10 freakin' pounds! It sucks.

On a happier note, Seamonkey is the cutest thing going in that hat.

Oh, and my word verification is "buffado." That's what Eamon called a buffalo just this evening! Too funny (and strange).

mama k said...

"In fact you are probably laughing your ass off at me that I even put “relaxing vacation” and “9 month old” in the same thought."


That's the shock my DH was in for when we attempted a vacation.

Great pictures at least!

Have you looked into Weight Watchers? I know you probably don't have time to attend meetings or anything, my friend lost a bunch of weight with it though. (Like 120lbs!)

Tricia said...

are you sure you didn't visit our family?

lean cuisine = my lunch every day. their new "brick oven" pizzas are pretty good.

Bumble said...

Argh, sorry the weight loss isn't going too well. I'm sure you don't really need it anyway ;-)

Beautiful photos and a gorgeous little Seamonkey as always!!!

Beagle said...

Any vacation that includes extended family is not a real vacation in my book. But sounds like (looks like) you got a bit of fun squeezed in.

Your little guy is so very cute!

Anonymous said...

First, I'm sorry about the weight loss situation, but I know you can tackle it.

Second, I'm so sorry I had to laugh at your "vacation" story! Why didn't you ask ME what it's like to travel with a baby? LOL, I guess you had to find out the hard way. The grownups sounded like a bunch

Samantha said...

Hey, at least your relatives prompted Seamonkey to start crawling!

I understand what you mean about the air conditioning. I know some people here in North Carolina who don't like to use it because it feels "unnatural." Are you crazy? Right now here the current humidity is 73%, and I can only imagine it's more humid in Florida!

Tami said...

Forget Jenny! Now that seamonkey is moving around, you're going to lose it just by trying to keep up with the little cutie! ;)

Anonymous Boxer said...

Delurking to say this line:

"I CAN GROW ORCHIDS IN MY ARMPITS" made me spit my coffee out.

I clicked on your name because I love Starfish!

Type (little) a said...

I think all people raised in the NY metro area are programmed to think Florida is just great. When in actual fact, I've pretty much hated every vacation I've take there. ESPECIALLY the ones to visit family.

And I cracked up at the not wanting to leave the house/No A.C. thing. I know that well.


annmarie said...

People around me lose 25 pounds...I look in their direction and I gain it. The only thing that makes me feel better is cheesecake. When are we going out to binge so we can feel better? Holy crap...also totally forgot that I was your secret blog pal AND I have your information. Now where the hell did I put it?

And Florida is hot as hell and I have no tolerance for it. Besides the fact that you won't catch me dead in a swimsuit, I always feel there's no oxygen.

And I totally need to squish your child. Soooo freakin' cute, I can't stand it!

Rachael said...

Thanks for the good laugh.

I'm looking forward to a house full of extended-family company next week leading up to my sisters wedding, and I totally feel your pain. (so much so I just said totally. arghh.)

Glad you're back.

Maggie said...

Yeah, Florida in May. Not so much.

Regarding weight loss, it is stinking tough. I've caved to the emotional eating security blanket as of late and I'm afraid to step on the scale.

Miss Scarlett said...

Oh man! The one thing about a non-relaxing vacation is...the hilarious stories. Orchids in your armpits!

OMG - that is terrible that Jenny costs so much. When I just re(for the billionth time)started working to lose weight I was as frustrated and disgusted with myself as you are writing about.

2 weeks in I found some things shifting. 8 weeks in I am finding I am liking the healthier food and not enjoying my older food choices when I indulge a little (not ALL of them, I still love the pizza and ice cream MMmmm)

I am going to Weight Watchers - I know that costs money too, but at least you don't have to buy their food. If your schedule is too busy for meetings you can join online - it works great too. I did it 2 yrs ago and lost 65 lbs -- ah, those were the days.

I am also part of a knit bloggers Weight Loss Challenge. Feel free to join us - we would love you to.

SeaMonkey looks totally in his element on the beach. Gorgeous, gorgeous boy. SIL was just wishing!

ruth said...

Wonderful pictures!

I've got no advice on the weight-loss issue. My problem is that I eat ok, but hate to exercise...

Nice to read that Seamonkey had so many firsts while you were away!

Rob, Dana, & Billy said...

I have a pretty good diet that really works. I just have a hard time getting back into it after falling off the wagon. My husband lost at least 20 pounds in a month. If you want more info email me at

Love the pictures, btw...

Jill said...

my goodness he is gorgeous...

have sent you an email...hugs...

Dana said...

Love to read your blog you are always a great read. Seamonkey is just too cute! I know you are busy but you should be writing books about this stuff. Your view of things and your word choice is hysterical.

I'm with ya on the weight thing. It seems like it should be easy right? I don't get it either. I think some people have to put twice as much into the excercise than others and that sucks!