We are three!

Hola from Bogota!

It took me a while to get an internet connection here, so I'm sorry I didn't post sooner. Right now, I am sitting here typing in the living room of our hotel, and our beautiful new son is sleeping. But how we got to this point, is quite the adventure.

Wednesday morning was uneventful, we had actually gotten everything done in time, and left for the airport on schedule. We got on our Delta flight with no problems. We thought everything was smooth sailing, but uh...no, the fun was just beginning. Our seats totally sucked, we were in the LAST row, with NO window, in front of the bathrooms, in very squooshy seats. My throat started hurting and I was exhausted. We asked twice about our connection, because we took off late. Twice we were told we would have plenty of time. So when we get off of the Delta flight and go to Avianca to check in, imagine my surprise when the agent looks at me like I'm crazy, and tells me she thinks we are too late to make the flight! After some pleading, and frantic checking, she decided that maybe it was possible to make it. She decided to escort us RUNNING through the terminal. We did make the flight, but we were told our bags may not have made it. I'm thinking okay, well I'll just have to meet my son in a pair of jeans and a ratty hairdo - oh well, it's not like he won't see that again! Avianca, thankfully is a wonderful airline. We got hot towels, a great meal and a decent movie (you, me and Dupree). And, we were told the bags did in fact make it, yay!

We got off the plane and made our way to immigration. A long line not helped by the fact that I had to pee really badly. We got through that and ended up in the baggage claim area. Oh my GOD what a nightmare that was. Total chaos. People running around in all different directions and NO ONE speaks english. And no one cares that you do not speak spanish. I was finally able to figure out that I needed to fill out a form to allow us to leave with our bags. Once I got the paper in english, I filled it out and we moved out into the main terminal. All I remember is seeing this WALL of people standing outside the doors. They don't let anyone inside like they do in the US so everyone is outside, pressed up against the barricades. We spotted our name on a sign and found our driver. As we waited outside I noticed that it was a beautiful night. Kind of like an early spring night, a little cool, but nice fresh air. There were lots of trees.

We are supposed to stay at a place called El Refugio, which is a kind of bed & breakfast especially for parents adopting Colombian children. Our driver tells us that we will be unable to stay there for the first night, because some of the couples at El Refugio have been delayed. He takes us to another hotel where a room has been secured for us. Except when we get there, it hasn't. They have no room either, and they have secured a room at a different hotel. So we lug all of our baggage back down to the car and go to the new hotel. It was wedged between some stores, and it was all dark when we pulled up. Our driver had to speak into a speaker for a good 5 minutes before they opened the gate and let us drive in. The room was just okay, kind of skanky, but we were so freaking tired by this time, we didn't care. And what were we going to do anyway? So we lay down and try to sleep, try to enjoy our last night with no kids. We both slept okay, but only for a few hours at a time. We woke up at about 6 am and just sat around and waited for the orphanage to call and tell us when we would be picked up. It was sheer torture just sitting around and waiting. At least the tv had CNN and FoxNews, and even some movies in english. Finally she calls at 10 and says the driver will be there at 11:15. Another freaking hour to wait!!! Evenutally the clock hands tick all the way around despite my stares willing it to move faster, and the driver arrives. Here we go!

The orphanage is in another part of the city...more industrial, poorer I guess you would say. Just different from the urban city area that we are staying in now. If you have ever been to New York, it reminds us alot of Brooklyn or Queens here. Croweded streets, lots of stores and apartment buildings, and big office buildings. Anyway, we are dropped off at the orphanage and we are met on the second floor and escorted into a waiting room. We hand over the outfit we have brought to dress the baby in. There we meet another couple from NY who is there to adopt their second child. We meet the nurse, and she goes over his medical information again and his feeding schedule (thank the good Lord the kid drinks Similac). After a few minutes the other couple is instructed to stand up because their baby is coming! Their cameras and video camera are taken by the staff so they can document the event. In comes an adorable little baby girl with a whole lotta hair. Everyone's crying and taking pictures. Okay, now it's our turn!

So hubby and I are standing up in the appointed place holding hands. "Here he comes!" we hear. I start sobbing, I can't believe this day, this moment is finally here. A group of people turn the corner, and in the middle of it all, they are holding up the most adorable little boy I have ever seen in my life. All I kept saying was "Oh my God he is so beautiful!" over and over. He doesn't take his eyes off of me. Even when I hand him to my husband. He was probably like 'What is this crazy lady's problem?" We sign a few papers, and buy a case of formula and we are let free! Back into the cab to go to El Refugio, and no car seat! Our driver was very good though, he went very slow. Back at the hotel we got to change him out of his hot sweater, feed him and have lunch ourselves. We meet some of our fellow guests. We have met one couple from North Carolina who are very nice. Unfortunately for us, they are leaving Saturday. They are the only other people who speak english here. The maids speak spanish, and all the other guests are French. This should be an interesting stay. Thank God I have enough spanish to get us by. I have a new found respect for all of you going to Russia, Vietnam and China. We don't get a translator!

The only other problem we had here is that today we found out our medical letters had expired a few weeks ago. So the orphanage arranged for a doctor to come to the hotel and give us a quick exam. It was painless, and not too expensive. Just another crazy thing we had to deal with. Boy, you really have to be a flexible person to deal with this process!

So today we have just been enjoying our beautiful boy. He is very comfortable with us, he did not cry once. He is very alert and curious, he doesn't like to be laid down where he can't see what's going on. He likes to be held, and he likes to be spoken to. He is very smiley and doesn't really fuss. He eats pretty easily, although we threw him all off schedule today with all the excitement. We have spent most of the day just staring at him and trying to comprehend that we've been deemed worthy to be parents to him.

Tomorrow we intend to hand around with our NC friends for their last day, and maybe venture out to the various stores. I want to get my camera out into this fascinating place. It has so much character here.

Time for bed now. Please note that this post was just to give you an update. I read it back and it is boring as hell. I'll be wittier after I get some much needed sleep!

Adios Amigos!

We leave here in just about a half hour. We're all packed, the house is clean, and we've said goodbye to everyone we know. I am doing better today, yesterday I was a mess most of the day, every time I pictured myself getting the baby I sobbed (good thing a crazy crying woman is par for the course on the NYC subway). My stomach is still upside down but that's to be expected. If all goes according to plan, we will be presented with our baby tomorrow morning. Keep on the look out for an update.

Still struggling with the name, I am hoping when we see him we'll know.

Okay, let's roll!!

Starfish family...you are the first to arrive

For winning this leg of the race, you win a no-expense paid, adorable little boy.

Seriously folks, this is like my own personal episode of the Amazing Race. My husband and I had to drive to the airport last night to buy our tickets in person before midnight or we would lose our seats. Thankfully we got them, and they only cost us $118 each for taxes because my husband had enough frequent flier miles to cover both round trip tickets! SWEEEEEET! Yesterday was like a treasure hunt - we split up and conquered our lists, buying last minute baby things, travel items and visa documentation. Today I had to run to the Colombian consulate and apply for our visas. They said I can pick them up tomorrow! What a relief. So we will be leaving Wednesday for sure. I can't even believe it. The den in my house looks like a bomb went off. There are bags and crap all over the place. I need to figure out how to get all of it (or decide if it is not going) into suitcases.

I spoke to the nurse taking care of my baby today, she said he is a "big boy", he eats well, and sleeps well, and is always smiling! Oh man I cannot WAIT to get there! You know, it's funny...prior to getting the call, I would sometimes think about whether we were doing the right thing. Maybe God was trying to tell us that we weren't meant to have children. Oh boy did all that change when I saw his picture. My heart truly skips a beat whenever I look at it. I don't know if it's all in my head, my selfishness of wanting this beautiful child so much or what, but I really do feel a connection to him already. My husband feels the same. It just feels right. And the process, although insanely crazy, really is going relatively smoothly. I am not really stressed out, just anxious about doing everything right and getting there in time. I even registered yesterday! Yikes, what a nightmare, I can't imagine doing that pregnant. We were in BRU for 3 freaking hours. By the end my cousins were dragging me around like a cranky toddler. My cousin K had the gun thingie, and thank goodness she took charge adding all the things I would need..sometimes despite my arguing ("shut up, you do too need a wipe warmer, I'm adding it"). Thank GOD for them, really. My favorite thing is the bedding (I ultimately decided against the babystyle stuff), so me! There is so much stuff to buy, and really, most of it is so big, bulky and ugly. I couldn't decide on a packnplay, or an exersaucer, and I still need to pick a monitor. Their help was invaluable to me, and I don't know what I would have done without them.

Speaking of, I would like to thank you all once again for all of your comments. Every one of them means so much to us. Your encouragement is uplifting. I have tried to write back to each of you, but I don't always have email addresses. And in my fried brain state, in some cases I am unable to connect your blog name with your comment name with your email address. So if you haven't heard from me, it's not on purpose. I thank each and every one of you for your good wishes and funny comments. It is so appreciated.

As I sit here, I am waiting for our IT department to swap out my laptop to one with wireless so I can drag you along with me to the end. Gah!

I survived Black Friday and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Somebody stop me. I think I have purchased every blue piece of baby clothing in the tri-state area. I went through Carter's, Baby Gap, Old Navy and The Children's Place like the Tasmanial Devil. Must. Buy. More. Onesies. I got some really killer bargains not to mention some really adorable things. Here is the loot, and some of my favorites:





The prince onesie has some significance. You see my family already has one prince. Actually I should say HAD one prince. My brother is the apple of everyone's eye, and while it's true that he is nice looking, funny, successful and kindhearted, well, he is my brother, worse yet my younger brother, and if anyone out there has one of those - well, you know. So the day we found out about our little boy, I told my brother he's been dethroned. He must give up the crown. We will not have a christening, we will have a coronation. Therefore, when I saw this at the store, I had to have it. BTW, the next day my brother informs me that he's been promoted. Promoted? Yes, he said, I am the KING now. Ah, I see.

So I am mostly recovered from our day today. I could barely sleep (that face! those cheeks! a son!) so no sooner did I start to doze at about 12:30...the alarm went off at 3:15. We arrived at 5:30 am and the place was mobbed. Energized by new baby adrenaline, I wasn't too cranky. My companions, K and her sister however, made up for it. Yikes people..drink your coffee and suck it up. I didn't get everything Iw as looking for, but having K there to help me with sizing and styles was invaluable. I took advantage of her delirious sleep deprived state to get her to agree to register with me on Sunday.

I got home at about 11:30 and started making phone calls to get some questions answered. At this point, the only concern is getting our visas in time. I need to find out if the orphanage would be okay with us leaving maybe on Thursday instead, and if the consulate thinks they could turn the visas around in 2-3 days. We did put a flight on hold for Wednesday just in case we do get them quickly. We may also need to get our medical forms updated, but let's not think about that one just yet, okay?. Hubby did a great job today doing some other stuff - buying a camcorder, gifts for the orphanage staff and a kinko's run. Poor guy feels like crap...he has a nasty cough that he is trying desparately to get over before we leave. The doctor says he just needs to drink liquids and rest, but there is no time for that!!

I did crash and burn at about 5:00 though. I tried to sleep when I got home but the phone kept ringing. I got up and decided to start calling the airlines, snapping my husband's head off in the process. Then, the people I had made plans with for dinner totally bailed on me, and I got really pissed. Here I am going through this crazy whirlwind, and I still made time to see them, and they couldn't be bothered. Normally I would rant about this for a bit and get over it. Today I decided that the better way to deal was to sob uncontrollably for a half hour. A little teensy bit overwhelmed and overtired? Ya think? I took a hot shower (so long my palms were pruney), had some soup and a grilled cheese (thanks honey), put on pjs and watched reruns of Entourage. All better now.

Can't wait to continue the retail therapy tomorrow - rumor has it there's some fishy bedding at Baby Style with my name on it.

Alot to be thankful for....

We're finally home after a very long but wonderful day. Did you all have a great Thanksgiving? As usual, I didn't eat Turkey. Too much other good stuff to eat. My MIL cooks for a small army, even though there was only 10 of us. Seriously, listen to all this: Two turkeys (one baked one fried), corn, mashed potatoes, mashed turnips, cauliflower with cream sauce, pearl onions, yams, carrots, and the famous sausage stuffing. I didn't stuff myself too badly, these referral nerves are good for something...not much of an appetite. I had baked a crumb cake for dessert. To show you how much my head is in the clouds, I have made this crumbcake a thousand times, but today? Today I forgot to add the water to the batter and the whole thing burned and was horrible. I had to re-do the whole thing this morning. Idiot. Oh, so might as well give you the recipe, right? Okay but here's the deal. I'm only giving this to you because I don't know any of you personally. If you make this recipe, you are forbidden to tell anyone that it uses a cake mix. Forbidden, do you hear me?? Do not blow my cover here! I promise you, it's killer. I get asked to make this for every single occasion.

Killer Crumbcake
1 box Duncan Hines Yellow Cake mix (Butter Recipe) - Make cakemix according to the directions on the box. Bake only for about 20 minutes, cake should be slightly under done. Make crumbs while the cake is baking: Mix 4 cups flour, 2 cups sugar (all white or 1.5 white, .5 brown), 4 sticks of butter (yes, 4, it's not called killer for nothing), 3tbs cinnamon, 1tsp salt and 1 tsp vanilla. When it is good and mixed (use your fingers) make really big crumbs and cover the underdone cake. Rebake for another 8-10 minutes. Dust with powdered sugar when cooled.

So anyway, back to the day....When we arrived at Jim's parents, his sister wasn't there yet, so we had to wait an agonizing 20 minutes until she got there. When everyone was in the kitchen, Jim hands his mom the baby's picture that we had put into a frame. He says "Here, we have a present for you". She says, "Oh how cute!" like it's just any old baby. Jim and I look at each other. "Um...don't you know who that is?" "No, who?" We start cracking up. "IT'S YOUR GRANDSON". Just like my mom, we get the scrunched up face, like "HUH?". YOUR GRANDSON. IT'S OUR SON, YOUR GRANDSON. That did it. My SIL starts crying, my FIL is a mess. Yay! So it was really great. The rest of the day was really great, no bickering like usual. Me and my SIL got along really well too. She started up with her hypochondria stuff, but I was good and didn't say anything. (The woman has every ailment you can think of. And if you mention one she doesn't have yet, next week she'll get it). Everytime someone mentioned the baby, my FIL started crying again. He is so funny.

After dinner we left and stopped by my Aunt's house to see my cousin K and the rest of her family. They were certainly cheered up by the news of a new baby. My aunt said to us "God has taken one and given us another". They were especially excited that it was a boy. Cousin K already gave me two sleepers and said "It's just a little something, the first of many gifts to come". She is just awesome.

After that stop, we stopped at my other aunt's house, where my mom, dad and brother were. I had given my mom permission to make the announcement to the remaining family members. I am told that during the traditional toast before the meal, she piped up and said "I have something to be thankful for..." and then gave the good news. Apparently his picture was passed around the entire night. When we got there we got lots of hugs and lots of questions. We realized that the next time we see many of them, it will be with the baby! How crazy is that!

Speaking of crazy, I have completely and totally lost my mind. First, anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a morning person. At work, people tiptoe around me until about 10:00 so as not to get their heads chopped off by my crankiness. Second, tomorrow, as you know, is Black Friday. I NEVER go shopping on this day. I hate crowds, and it's too early for me to pick out Christmas presents. But tomorrow I am going. Not only am I going, but I am getting up at 3:30 AM, so I can be at cousin K's house by 4, so we can be at the outlet mall by 6. I am certifiably insane. I am rationalizing all this by telling myself that I can't really sleep anyway, that they have a Carter's outlet, and a Baby Gap, and I need some shoes for my trip, not to mention a few other gazillion things on the ever growing list I have been furiously making since we got THE CALL. I'll let you know how I make out. And I'll let you know if any shoppers were harmed in my quest for all things baby.

I also have to call the orphanage tomorrow and formally accept our referral (yay!). Every time I look at his picture I am more in love. Everyone has said how much he looks like me as a baby, isn't that funny? I have to book airline tickets, but first figure out the timeframe...leave wednesday or thursday? Estimated time of return? I have to get passport photos taken for the visa. So much to do. Oh, and a carseat. Please give me carseat advice. Send me an email with a recommendation. I know everyone says Britax but what the hell model, and how much are they, and where do you get them?? Remember the baby is about 3 months old.

Okay, got to go get a few hours sleep. I'll post a pic of the loot tomorrow.

Greetings from Cloud 9

Yes, it's true! We got THE CALL. I still can't believe it, even though it's been 9 hours since we got it. It's been a whirlwind of a day as you can imagine.

So I'm sitting at my desk, trying to wrap up some things before we all leave to go to the company Thanksgiving luncheon. Every year they cater food, set up an unused floor in our building and invite the whole company to eat. It's about 10 minute to 1:00, and we're all supposed to leave at 1:00. The phone rings and it's the agency, and I of course think "ooooh could this be the call?" But then she starts talking about Thanksgiving, and then asks about a fee we haven't paid yet, all nice enough, but made me think "nah, she would have started out with that kind of news". So then she starts talking about something and I think she's telling me about a holiday social event, but the phone connection gets really bad and I can't hear her. We do a 5 minute scene from the Verizon commercial - Can you hear me now - and I manage to tell her I'll call her back. When I hang up I realize I didn't have her phone number. I search around a bit, and then decide to look up the agency website. I get interrupted a few times but eventually get the number and call her back. She was all exasperated when we finally had a clear connection, and she says "what I was TRYING to tell you was that there is a little boy in Colombia waiting for you".
...
...

Uh, come again?

My mind went into overdrive and I vaguely recall her telling me about paperwork and visas, and I finally managed to get out WHAT IS HIS NAME AND WHEN WAS HE BORN. Oh yes, she said, I have that info right here! SO my wonderful internet friends, we are the proud parents of one baby boy born September 1, 2006. I wrote down some chickenscratch with my shaking hands, and I think it says that he is now 11lbs, 7oz. We are still debating on whether to keep his given name...we kind of like it, but it's not all that common. She emailed me his picture and honestly, he is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. I immediately called my husband and told him that I had good news and bad news. The bad news was, that we would have to cancel the Florida trip we booked for Dec 7th. The good news of course, was that he had a son. (A son! We have a son!). I'm not going to post his picture here quite yet, it's still a little early for that.

And the craziest part is, we leave WEDNESDAY! As in THIS FREAKING WEDNESDAY!!! Uh, yeah, we're screwed because we do not have anything ready but I don't even care. All that stuff will fall into place. I will be a shopping fiend this weekend! Note to self: Call and ask when the hell that crib is getting delivered! We do have a bit of scrambling to do to make sure we have all the paperwork and stuff done before we leave. We're actually cutting things really close, so it's going to take some fancy footwork (translation: showing of baby pictures to government officials and begging, crying and pleading to speed things up) but I think it will all work out!

We told everyone we know except for the hubby's side. We're seeing them tomorrow for Thanksgiving, and we want to announce it in person. Tot ell my parents, we had made up a little card that said "You are the proud grandparents of x!" with his picture. I walked in the house and said "you aren't going to believe this" and handed it to my mom. She scrunches up her face and says "Who's X?" Mom, read it again. Still nothing. MOM. READ IT AGAIN. OUT LOUD. Yeah, she finally got it. Seems she thought I was showing her evidence of yet another person having a baby before us. Nope! We had champagne, and then proceeded to call everyone we knew. Lots of screams. Lots of crying.

I'll do a separate post about what the next steps are in the process. AS I said, I have alot to do over the next few days. And, Colombia has only one trip, but it is a long one.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I know we will. I have alot to be thankful for, and besides the obvious, I am thankful for this wonderful support community that has really helped me through this whole process. Blessings to you and your families.

Now I need to try to get some sleep!

WHAT?!

"Yes, you heard me. It's a boy."

Taking Inventory

First, a big thank you to my secret pal. I received a lovely card and an adorable post card from her. Sorry I'm so late in posting the thanks, but they were both wonderful surprises in a sea of junk mail. Thanks for thinking of me. I especially liked the postcard, which had a cute little baby in fishing attire!

And thank you all so much for the great response to my last post. I'm glad that many of you knew exactly what I was talking about. I do admit though, that I don't always feel so optimistic. Sometimes in those weak moments I am still frustrated with the situation. But in general, as I said, I'm in a much better place.

Anyway, I've been tagged twice by both Jill and Lauri (I wasn't this popular in high school) to give you the contents of my purse. I warn you, it's not all that exciting. I also never use the word purse. If anything, I say "pocketbook", but most times I just say "bag" because it is always a very big bulky thing. Commuting to the city requires I keep all my provisions close at hand, in case of..oh I don't know, a national disaster or a blackout or something. Currently I have a big black leather totey thing...I also have a big hot pink bag, but since I am wearing a hot pink fall jacket, I switched off so as not to blind my fellow passengers with all the pinkness (Lauren, you thought you cornered the market on Project Pink, but alas you were wrong). Here goes:

• Brown bag lunch (eating out everyday here will make you broke)
• Blackberry
• Wallet
• My "coupon pouch" (a small leather zippered thing that holds all my gift cards, member reward cards, coupons, etc)
• Metrocard (for the subway)
• 3 pens
• Chanel lip gloss (it's almost empty, but I can't replace it because the name's worn off and I got it for free originally)
• Six inch ruler (for knitting)
• Small ball of leftover sock yarn
• Two knitting patterns
• Two expired AC Moore coupons
• Mets baseball game ticket stub
• Two work IDs (one for the building, one for my floor)
• Remembrance card from my uncle's wake
• 86 cents in change
• One peppermint
• Earphones (to my ipod which is home cause I can't get the damn thing to work)
• Train schedule
• Three old paystubs
• A photocopy of a Wall Street Journal article related to my work
• The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon (I'm reading this week instead of knitting, giving the wrists a break for a change. If you haven't read the Outlander series, you should. It's considered an adult adventure series (don't be fooled by the romance stuff)- full of action, suspense, and just the right amount of romance and smut mixed in. You'll be addicted).

Now isn't that exciting??

Margaret had a great idea to post a favorite family recipe. I think I'll do that next. You too, kay?

Oh Well

So no call. Which pretty much means it's not going to happen this year. Since the average in-country stay is 6 weeks, and since the country pretty much closes down from 12/15 to 1/15, if it were to happen this year we would have already gotten the call. I am a little disappointed, because I really thought it was going to happen before Christmas, and I am usually right about those things! I guess it is partly our fault, because we could have gotten our paperwork in a little earlier. I thought at the time that we were the only people going through our agency and therefore had more time. I didn't know that there were really two other couples ahead of us. Maybe if I had realized that I would have moved my butt a little faster. Oh well.

But don't cry for me Argentina...I'm okay with waiting actually. I was thinking about that today...wondering why I am not freaking out about it. For someone who gets pissed off if she has to wait 2 extra seconds on the express line at the grocery store, you think I'd be throwing a hissy fit. I think I figured it out though. I think it's because I am enjoying my freedom from infertility. The last three years (before we stopped treatment in February) were a complete nightmare. Shots and hormones and baby showers (oh my!) were a constant drain on my mental state. Once we finally stopped treatment, I stopped being defined by my infertility. I went back to being a wife, a daughter, a sister, a boss, a friend. Not at first of course, it took time to remember how to be happy and hopeful again. I could liken it to a hibernation of sorts...I came out of the dark cave disoriented and squinting from the bright sun, and needed to slowly get used to the real world again. It's no small thing. People who haven't been through it don't get it, and maybe I didn't realize myself how bad I was until now, when I can see how changed I am. I've wasted so much time being miserable that it is such a relief to again find joy in the smallest things...watching tv with my husband, shopping for new clothes, going to lunch with a girlfriend (which I did yesterday for the first time in a VERY long time), happy hour with co-workers. I think it's important for me to relish this time, so that I am really ready for motherhood and not weighed down by grief and frustration that plagued me for so long. And while we would have loved to have the baby home for the holidays, we can see the benefit of enjoying one last Thanksgiving and Christmas with just us. We'll be parents for the rest of our lives (whether you like it or not as my mom says!) so another few months won't kill us. I also try to remember that no matter how frustrating this process is, it does not ever compare to the pain we experienced during the treatment years.

I've found myself visiting the infertility blogs much more often these days. I'm not sure why. I feel like I still need to be connected to that world. It's a sisterhood I will always be a part of, so maybe I don't want them to forget me (or me them). I guess I am in a place now where I am comfortable rooting them on. I do feel sad when I see other women clearly still defined by their infertility. Women struggling to decide when enough is enough. I feel that it is my responsibility to offer what support I can, even if it is just to tell them I've been there and yes, it sucks monkey toes, and yes, it's okay to cry until you're numb. Maybe too, some will see that there is life after infertility, that eventually you wake up from a halfway decent night's sleep and not hate yourself. That you manage to get up the energy to do your hair a little fancy, put on that new eyeshadow and smile at yourself in the mirror. That you find yourself singing to the radio more and kissing your husband hello when you get home. That adoption might be the path you were always meant to take, even if the road is a little longer than you first thought.

Happy Monday

(Yawn). Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. Yes, I’m just sitting here zoning out into space. What? No. No news yet. Last night there were three (three!) messages on the phone, but alas, they were just various desperate politicians trying to make a last minute plea for my vote for tomorrow. It really is a game of pick the one who will do the least amount of damage and perhaps won’t be indicted for a crime. Rock the vote people.

Things are kind of boring around here. Work is getting interesting…there may be some changes soon that could be a good thing for me..so we’ll see. A co-worker found out that she got her referral from China today! Woo Hoo for her. I’ve got to go get her a card as soon as I finish interviewing someone who, actually, should be here by now. One demerit – late for the interview. Doesn’t look good, pal. You’ll all be happy to know that The Fish is still alive and well, and still very pregnant. And still obnoxious. Aforementioned co-worker said that if she hears about her delivery date one more time she’s going to scream. Thank goodness I don’t have that much interaction with her. Although I saw her in a meeting recently and she looked like someone hit her one too many times with the ugly stick. Even my boss (a guy who never participates in catty crap) turns to me and says “So I guess she didn’t feel like washing her hair today?”. At first he thought she dyed it. Nope. Just greezy.

This weekend was mostly uneventful. I spent Saturday with my cousin K who is hanging in there after the death of her dad. Getting through the upcoming holidays is not going to be easy for them. It was a delight being with her two kids. M who is almost 5 is just the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen. I taught him a few knock knock jokes and now that’s all he wants to do. The only ones I remember are the ones with the punchlines “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana” and “Olive you too”. If you’ve got any good ones let me know, I’ll be a hit next time I see him. N is 6 months old now and I was only a little freaked out holding her and wondering how soon I will be holding my own! Let’s hope it’s soon so they will be close in age.

Sunday we did some shopping, and I went to return something at a store that rhymes with Falbots and the very nasty clerk with a Napoleon complex said, “What’s the matter with it, it was too tight??” Umm..excuse me cranky pants, but why must you assume IT was too SMALL and I was too BIG?? I actually laughed out loud and looked at my husband who just shook his head. No actually, the jacket was too BIG thank you very much, and just for that I want you to call every store in the tri state area and find the right size for me (Insert sarcastically cheesy obnoxious grin here). Sheesh, what’s with people anyway? She’s not going to last through the holiday season! Speaking of which, not to freak you out but do you realize there are only 7 weekends before Christmas?! YIKES MAN!

Oh! Last week I did go to see Elton John. AWESOME concert. His voice is still so amazing. Okay so he couldn’t hit all the high notes anymore (the “zeen” part of “I read it in a magaz-een from Benny in the Jets is now sung way down low!) but he sang every great hit you could think of. My mom loved it. Of course, I had the obligatory obnoxious people sitting in front of me. You know, the kind that in the middle of a song (slow song, fast song, whatever) raise their beer up and yell ‘WOOOOOOOO!’ for no apparent reason. Over. And. Over. They apparently were there for the overpriced beer. They kept getting up and making these poor older people get up and let them out, then came back with more beer and reeking of cigarettes. Thank goodness they left early. It was almost as amusing as the concert itself!

I still have not done one bit of preparedness for a new baby. I am of the belief that the second I start, it will confirm that the referral will not come until next year. Yes I am aware how ridiculous that is. I am still holding out hope that it will come in the next 2 weeks. Probably not likely, but a girl can dream. On the Colombian Adoption message boards, someone got a referral to my orphanage on Friday, so it’s still possible. So since you crossing your fingers and toes probably won’t help (save it for those out there who really need the prayers) leave your favorite knock knock joke in the comments.

Oh, and you'll notice I've decided to take my name off of my blog. I'm getting more hits than I ever thought I would, and while that makes me very happy, it also makes me paranoid about who might find me!

Happy Monday.

National Infertility Awareness Week

Wow. I was astounded by the response to my post about pregnancy. I had no idea that so many people felt the same way…even some of you who had actually been pregnant! I thought I was in the minority, but apparently not. I would also like to specifically thank my readers who are “breeders" (you know I mean that in the most loving way possible). It takes a bit of courage to regularly post on an infertile’s blog, and I appreciate that you have the guts to do it. It is always good to get your perspective on things, not to mention that it’s good for you guys to remind us you’re not all bad!!

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.

There are many things you can do this week, but I urge you to check out Infertility’s Common Thread movement. A description of this movement (source & more info here) is as follows:

"For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile...there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It's rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

As someone who has had 5 m/c but am currently 5 months pregnant (YEAH), I wonder who looks at my big belly with sadness because they are in the month-to-month struggle. I mentioned to a friend that I wished there was some secret nod or international sign as if to say, this belly was hardwon. Well, she posted this quandary on her blog (http://www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/) and the response has been quite overwhelming...and a movement has been born!

The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasingthis pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others. Just thought I would pass the word along!"

I plan on making my bracelet tonight and wearing it long after this week is over. I hope the movement of the Pomegranate Thread continues. I will wear it proudly when I am playing with my children, as a sign to all that there is life after infertility. Perhaps someone just starting down that road will see it and it will give them hope. Or maybe just comfort that they are not alone. I think it is important to keep this link even after we adopt. I hope you will consider wearing it.

Also PLEASE POST THIS on your own blog to spread awareness of this movement. Thanks!!

Why Mondays Suck, or Why you should never let your cell phone battery die

Me: [Picks up pay phone and dials number]

Recorded Message: Please deposit...fifty cents...please

Me: [Drops two quarters in]

.....

.....

Operator: Please deposit fifty cents ma'am

Me: I did.

Operator: Please hold

Operator: Did you get your change returned?

Me: [Checks coin return] No.

Operator: Well, then you will have to call the refund number you see on the phone.

Me: Are you kidding?? This phone just ate my money! I need to get in touch with my husband in the next five minutes!

Operator: Ma'am, how do I know that you really put money in??

Me: Well, if I call the refund department, how will THEY know any better than you??

Operator: Ma'am, that makes absolutely no sense and you know it. CLICK.


Needless to say, my husband, who had to wait 45 mintues for me at the train station, was very pissed. I tried to explain that Ma Bell was being a bitch, but for some reason he didn't laugh.

Babes, Test tube and otherwise

First let me say that I am old. I am old because I threw out my back. I have never done this before. Nor have I ever said “threw out my back”. I think only old people say that. But the worst is how I did it. I sneezed. Someone call the nursing home, I need a bed. I spent Saturday mostly immobile, but we did go to the movies. I went despite my bad back because my husband wanted to go, and he NEVER wants to go. He has the attention span of a gnat, and therefore needs other forms of distraction like the computer or magazines to look at while he watches a movie. He’s strange folks what can I say. Anyway, he wanted to see The Departed. Did anyone see that yet? If so, I would like to know what you think. Email me so you don’t spoil anything in the comments. The only thing I will say here is…When did Leo DiCaprio get so delicious and why didn’t anyone tell me? He totally went all Anthony Michael Hall people!!. All bulked up and hunky, and my oh my did he always have blue eyes? Anyway, on to more serious matters….

Tonight on PBS, the American Experience series is airing a documentary on Test Tube Babies. It will discuss the early days of IVF and the moral and political debates that went on at that time. An article about it is posted here.

You want to hear something really stupid? At the time I was having infertility treatments, I totally didn’t realize that our child (assuming it worked HA!) would be a test tube baby. I didn’t make the connection. I remember one day I was sitting at the blood drawing station waiting for the sadist nurse, and there was a poster on the wall (I think it was an advertisement for a drug company) that showed a big cartoon test tube with these cherub faced little babies literally swimming around inside it. I remember thinking, Oh Heh, test tube babies, get it? Then it hit me. Yikes. I remembered how the whole world was making such a big deal about it when I was a kid. And now there I was. It’s so common now it’s ridiculous. Besides the fact that the RE’s office was always JAMMED, you can’t talk to anyone these days without hearing about at least 2 or 3 people who are having “trouble” conceiving! Makes you wonder if it’s something environmental, or just the simple fact that we are all having babies older than our parents did. My mom was 22, can you imagine! I cringe to think what I was doing in college instead of being a responsible adult with a family!

The religious debate is particularly interesting to me. Someone I know who went through IVF spoke to her priest about it because she was so distraught over it. The priest had a very interesting take on it. He said that if your body is not working properly, you take the necessary steps to fix it. Like dialysis, and heart transplants, IVF is just another way to overcome those things. They had a loving marriage and wanted to fulfill their vows of procreation and raising children in the faith. So they need a little help...is that so bad? I have always remembered that, and it helps me to justify why I did it myself.

Anyway, I'm going to try to catch it tonight, if you watch it, let me know what you thought.

Can also say something? You may find it quite shocking. I've been thinking about it alot lately, and thought I would put it out there: I have never really wanted to be pregnant. There I said it. Still standing? Think I’m nuts? I know that many women feel that being pregnant is the ultimate in terms of being a woman. Not me. Don’t know what it is, but the thought of being pregnant always seemed like the Alien movies to me. It sounds gross and weird, not beautiful and natural. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed it didn’t work, but mostly because I didn’t want to let everyone else down…my husband, our parents. (Also because I don’t like to lose. At anything. Don’t play pictionary with me, it’s not pretty. I’m like Grace Adler, seriously) But ever since I was young, I could never picture myself pregnant. You know how sometimes you can picture yourself married, or having a dog, or owning a house? I could never conjure up a mental picture of me pregnant. My mom mentioned in passing once (knowing my feelings on the subject) that maybe it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Could be, who knows. I did try my very best though, I did everything I could all three tries. Consciously anyway. I even had a special acupuncture treatment the day of the transfer the last time. Stupid uterus.

The good news is that I have always pictured my self with children. Specifically, I’ve had this mental picture of me walking and holding a little girl’s hand. Funny thing is, I don’t think this referral will be a girl. Whenever I look at girly baby clothes I think, “oh too bad”. But we will be adopting another, so THAT must be the girl, right?. Or I can just be nuts. Either way I am very lucky that my husband is okay with everything. Of course we’re both a little sad that we won’t be able to pass on our own DNA and all the quirkiness that goes with it, but I think we’ll be able to nurture that kid into our own brand of lunacy to make up for what nature could not.

Thanks & Other Ramblings

Dear Secret Bloggy Pal: THANK YOU!!

I came home Wednesday night after the funeral to change my clothes and head back out to my aunt's for dinner. Imagine my surprise when I found a package on my doorstep:

Beautiful miniature roses! I love them. Thank you pal, whoever you are. It really made my day. It was very nice of you to think of me. I really appreciate it, what a nice thing to do. I can't wait to find out who you are!

There is really nothing else (nothing could top those roses!), so you get some bits of randomness:

I loved some of your "believe it or not" comments on my last post. Steph, you take the cake. Freaky. I had a very vivid dream about an ex-boyfriend once...I remember he was wearing a white t-shirt and he was hugging me and saying goodbye. He looked trim and fit and in good health. At the time I had the dream I hadn't seen him in many years. We broke up because he was into drugs and I couldn't get him to stop. I have a feeling that dream meant he passed away, but I have always been too scared to look him up to find out.

I happen to have that show Trading Spouses on, and I love it when I catch this show. It is endlessly fascinating to watch two completely different families learn things about themselves. Right now it's a down-home country girl from Kentucky trading places with an Orthodox Jew from Boston. They look so unbelievably uncomfortable, but what did they think, they'd trade places with people just like them? You just know this poor southern woman is going to mess up their Kosher kitchen, yikes. Oh no, they have the Jewish woman going 'coon huntin'. Okay, maybe it's time to change the channel.

Speaking of television, anyone keeping up with The Office, like me? Were you totally taken off guard by the last minute phone call or what?? How does that simple little show manage to keep things so interesting?? And where is that other girl from? You know, the one who THINKS she's gonna get some of that Jim love....back away from the new guy honey.

Okay one last TV thing. Is it me or is "Men in Trees" actually re-runs of "Northern Exposure" with different actors? Hello?? Radio station, pilot, single men...methinks I've seen all this before...

Okay one more last thing. Project Runway. Travesty. It's all I'm sayin'

Work still sucks. Actually, it's been a little better, but don't say that out loud...if you do that will guarantee it will be a real suckfest of a day on Monday, and people, I can't take much more. Okay, enough about that.

No news on adoption. But I think the call is going to come any day now. I can feeeel it. Don't know why I think that though. Probably just wishful thinking. Maybe if I will it, it will be so.

Today I browsed some infertility blogs. I haven't done that in a while. It seems that while everything in adoption blogland is on the upswing, infertility blogs are on the downswing. Some very nice people are going through some really crappy crap. Before you go to bed tonight, say a little prayer for those who are still fighting the fight. Many of us have been there and it is no fun.

Okay, let's end on a happy note. My husband called me at work today to tell me he won tickets to see Elton John. How cool is that. I think I'm going to take my mom for her birthday. Unless of course, I'm in COLOMBIA. I've never wanted to miss a concert more in my life.

Have a great weekend people!

Believe it.....or not

Thank you all so much for your kind words. The family is doing much better, and we know that each day will be a little easier to bear. For our faithful family, the funeral mass will be a welcome comfort. We know that Uncle T did not suffer, and we believe that he is in a better place now. The hardest part is fighting the selfishness of wanting him here with us.

I decided to come to work today..I was wearing myself out trying to do too much and needed some time to refocus. My brother and I tagged teamed so that K had one of us there each day. There is plenty of family around, but each of us has someone specific we like to look after. I was on “food duty” yesterday, which was to make sure that K and my aunt ate during the day. Boy what a task that was, but I outsmarted them. After realizing that neither begging nor demanding would work, I got them to agree to just hold a chunk of Italian bread in their hands. My theory worked – no self respecting Italian can hold a piece of bread and not absently eat it while talking. I sat my aunt down and got her to tell me some church stories, and got her to eat two whole pieces for dinner and she didn’t even realize she had! I’ll leave work early today and be there for the evening session. Damned old school Italians and their long wakes. I think it’s going to rain tomorrow. I hope so. All cemetery services should be held in the rain if you ask me.

Anyway, I thought I would share two stories from my day yesterday.

Uncle T and Aunt C are very active in their church. They are great friends with Father, and Indian priest who always told everyone Uncle T was his brother, which of course resulted in strange looks from people who didn’t really know them. As soon as Father heard the bad news, he came to the house to comfort Aunt C. Father says he had a vision while talking to Aunt C, and tells my cousin the story later in the day. He says that he could see my uncle walking in a parking lot and fumbling with his keys. He is in obvious discomfort and is trying to get to his car. Two angels arrive and begin helping him to the car. “Don’t worry!” they keep saying…”We will not let him fall!!” They are adamant that Father knows this. They will not let him fall. When they reach the car, the angels say, “Okay, it’s your time. Your place is ready and you can come with us”. Uncle T says he does not want to go. The angels convince him. He finally agrees. The angels place him in the car. He dies. He doesn’t know why he knows this, or why it’s relevant, but the whole scene took exactly 20 minutes.

Father cried when he found out that Uncle T died in a car, because he did not know. The security guard in the parking lot says he saw Uncle T walking to the car, and the next thing he knew he “turned around” and Uncle T was sitting in the car slumped over the wheel. It happened that quickly. Now, I am sure there are many people who can explain it all away, but I will always choose to believe that two angels came to take my Uncle to heaven.

…..

I should start off this story by saying that Uncle T was married to my father’s sister. The big family I refer to is all my Dad’s side..he was one of 7 kids. I have 15 first cousins that I see all the time. So one of these cousins, L, and I were in charge of creating photo montages to be displayed at the funeral home. We asked all the kids for pictures and she and I went through boxes of family photos (that’s where I found the gems from last week’s post) at my Aunt’s house. We sat in a room at the funeral home to put them together. We had way more pictures than would fit on the two boards we were given, so we were trying to pick the best ones. Among others, L vetoed a picture of Uncle T with his “other goddaughter” from his side of the family. In her usual hilarious style, she lobbied that she was also Uncle T’s goddaughter, and if there are no picture of her, than this one sure ain’t making it! Each time a new person came into the room to see what we were doing, they went through the unused pictures and pulled out that picture and gave it to L for inclusion. We cracked up as each time she had to veto it yet again, and yet again explain why that picture wasn’t making it to the boards. By the end she was flinging that picture across the room. Eventually we finish the boards and put them up in the room. A little while later, Uncle T’s aunt (from his side of the family, an 80+ year old woman I never even met until that day) sees the boards and remembers she brought a few pictures, and would we mind adding them to the boards? One of them…a picture of Uncle T and cousin L. Uncle T’s aunt doesn’t even know her. Now you go ahead and tell me that wasn’t orchestrated by Uncle T. I just know he was saying Shut Up already here is your damn picture!! Needless to say, both pictures of both goddaughters were added to the boards.


So, what are some of your “believe it…..or not” stories like these?

Growing up sucks

This weekend we've had to deal with something that makes it really hard to be a grown-up...a death in the family. Fortunately, my family doesn't have much experience with that, all of us are pretty healthy, and although we've had some scares, everyone seems to have made it through okay. Two years ago we lost my Uncle J, which was the first major death we've had. It was awful and devastating and we still feel his loss every day. Saturday night we lost Uncle T. He had a massive heart attack when he got into his car when leaving for work. The extended family does what it always does, rallies around and handles everything so that his family can basically just sit and cry. He was a quiet, gentle man who loved his family. He worked 2 or more jobs all of his life, as they had little money and four kids. His house is very small, but always full of love. His youngest child, K is a year and half younger than me. K and I were inseparable as kids and I spent most of my summers in her house despite the fact that they didn't have air conditioning or alot of fancy toys. K and I grew apart during college but over the last few years have started to reclaim our previous bond. K was very supportive during the infertility years and, when surrogacy was being discussed, she offered to have our baby. You can't ask for a more wonderful expression of love than that.

K on the left, Me on the right. Grandma joins us, as well as long haired cousin R between us on the right.

So these next few days will be very hard as we push through all the traditional Catholic rituals. I am glad I can be there for them, if only to push a glass of water into shaking hands, refill the tissue box or just sit there and listen to their sadness, anger and frustration. Although I will miss Uncle T, what is saddest for me, is that...its starting. More and more of my loved ones will start to pass. The thought that I could be the one sitting in my kitchen comforting my mother is frightening to me. But I know that day will come. And Ill get through it, just like K will I suppose. Oh well, that's life. Hopefully there will be a new little baby around soon, which always seems to bring renewed hope and faith. Now it will be even more special if we can bring him/her home before the holidays.

Come on Karma!

Just sitting here at work killing time before I head on over to the Mets game at Shea. GO METS! And please, don't leave me any whiny Yankee comments. You don't REALLY expect me to feel sorry for them, do you??

Anywhoo...holy cow I can NOT believe all the activity out here in adoption blog land! Referrals to left of me! Referrals to the right of me! Hello...Colombia...phone lines down or something?? Although I am insanely jealous, I am also very ecstatic for all my bloggy friends who got THE CALL. Lauren, Jen, Michelle, Sig, and Melissa have the internets all afrenzy with their great news!! I read their posts with such excitement and can just imagine how they must feel. Particulary the posts of Rhonda and Bethee who are keeping us posted from halfway around the world. Then of course there's my friend Jen who is getting TWINS (don't freak girl, you can handle it)!! I stare at the pictures and try to imagine what they were feeling when the first got them. Makes me all a twitter I tell ya! But really, come on, where's the love?? Right Margaret? What's a girl got to do for some freaking good news??

So do does this mean that karma is on the upswing? Will my CALL come soon then? Or do I have to wait until fickle fate comes around again to grace us with her presence? *SIGH* I wish I knew.

In case you are interested, work still sucks. Some days are better than others, but what usually happens is that I come in all positive, convinced that I will NOT let shit get to me today, then inevitably some dumbass does something to really piss me off and I'm aggravated for the rest of the day. My boss, is a coward. There is nothing worse than I weak cowardly man, no matter how nice he is. And one thing that really sucks is that they have blocked alot of internet sites now...what a pain in the ass. I can't see pictures alot of the time, so I have to wait until I get home, and sometimes I forget which blogs I have to go back and read. I also can't get my gmail at work, so that's why it takes me some time to get back to some of you....

I am finding some release in creativity...I have several knitting projects in the works, and I started crafting seriously again. In fact, I may even start my own Etsy shop with some of my stuff. I paint whimsical images on things...boxes, frames, tshirts etc... and they have (what else) a beachy theme. I am thinking of doing some baby type things too, maybe even adoption stuff, as I know there is a shortage of such things out there. I'll let you know when I've got a decent amount of stuff finished. You guys can be my critics. My husband, who usually tells me I have no time for all this stuff, was recently impressed by my latest item (a gift for someone who sometimes reads here so no pic) and I have been bolstered by his support!

So what's some of your outlets for stress?

Back to Reality

I’m back. Three whole days with no internet access. Wow. I feel like I’ve been on the moon.

Alabama was great. Well, the conference was great, I didn’t get to see a whole lot of Birmingham except for the inside of the hotel and the adjoining mall. The conference was excellent, and I made a lot of great professional connections.

My co-workers and I had a blast. This was my first time at this bi-annual conference, and I am already looking forward to the next one. On Monday night we went to a great down-home BBQ place. Pulled pork, beans, fried pickles, hushpuppies, coleslaw…oh mercy was that GOOD. The banana cream pie wasn’t too bad either. Those folks know how to do BBQ.

Tuesday night was hilarious. After a lovely reception where we really got to loosen up and talk to each other (with the help of a heavy handed bartender), we all headed down to the hotel bar. It was amazing to see how much laughter is the great equalizer. About 30 of us from about 8 different states were sitting together, telling stories, making fun of each other and laughing hysterically. After the crappy week I’ve had at the office, it was a great release. For some crazy unexplainable reason, the hotel bar closed at 12 midnight so we had to move the party elsewhere. We ended up at the pool. Not a good place for the very drunk. (Fortunately I had pretty much stopped at the bar, and while I was feeling a little “happy”, I was by no means drunk). A woman from our group disappears and comes back with her bathing suit on (quite a sight) and a tray that contained an ice bucket and the contents of her mini-bar. “C”, a young and quite handsome guy decides he’s going in the pool and strips down to his underwear. He is standing next to me trying to convince me to join him. Eventually I convince him to go in alone. Then “G” who is gay and fabulous, sees C, his eyes pop open and he starts this slow motion bounding run across the concrete, shedding clothes along the way to join him. This causes C, who is not gay, to panic, and to now try to discretely (which when you’re drunk means “conspicuously”) and quietly (which when you’re drunk means “do the whisper/yell thing like no one can hear you”) get his ass out of the pool. Then the group realizes that “F” (man) and “L” (woman) are missing, and a manhunt is formed to try and find them. Hilarity ensues as the group is going from floor to floor, calling F and trying to listen for his phone ringing. All I can say is, you know you are having fun when you are standing next to a wet, gay, drunk man in his underwear in a hotel hallway at 3 am.

But the highlight of the trip was my celebrity sighting. I have eagle eyes my friends, and I am so impressed with myself. We were all standing in the hotel lobby waiting for the shuttle to take us to the airport. I see this guy get off the elevator and walk outside. Short, baseball hat, sunglasses, jeans and a t-shirt. I must have seen his profile for all of 5 seconds. “Hey!” I said. “That’s Elliott!” *WHO?* “Elliott from American Idol!!!”

Now you all know how Elliott was my boy and how upset I was when he was voted off. A co-worker and I got up the courage to go outside and I asked him if he was indeed *the* Elliott. He shook his head yes. He looked very tired, but he was very nice. We shook his hand, told him we were big fans, and that we voted for him. He was very appreciative. He was in town rehearsing for his concert with the Little Memphis Blues Orchestra. My co-worker got his autograph for his wife. How funny is that?!

So back to reality. Work continues to really suck. Know what I’ve learned? That when you are miserable at work, no one wants to hear you complain, and that just makes the situation worse because you start getting mad that no one cares or understands. So I try not to, but it’s hard to keep it all inside. I am in a really hard situation because I have no peers here. Most of our office is housed in another building 15 minutes away, and that is where everyone my age/level are. Therefore, I don’t really have any friends here. I eat lunch by myself every day (in my office), how depressing is that? That’s not normal right? If anyone has ever been in a management capacity, you’ll understand that you can’t really regularly go to lunch with people who work under you. The few other management people here are either weird, or not people you want to know your business. My boss is a social misfit and doesn’t like to eat with anyone. So I have no one really to vent to about stuff here. I need to really figure things out. When it gets to the point where you want to actually cry at least once a day every day (and I am NOT a crier), you need to do something. The thought of another major upheaval in my life is a little much to contemplate but I can’t go on like this. I am trying to hang on until after the adoption travel, but I don’t think I can do it.

Anyway, I’m just starting to catch up on all of your blogs, so forgive me if I’m a little behind for a while. I was so happy to see many new people commenting after my last post. I hope that more continue to “de-lurk” and that the newcomers comment more often. I think your posts get better when you actually know who your audience is. Or rather, when you know you actually do have an audience.

Is it Friday yet? I think we are having a garage sale this weekend. That ought to be a hoot.

Hello Rancho Cucamonga!

Along with blogstalking and blogwriting, I am addicted to my blog stats. Being sort of an analyst type person at work, I am constantly reviewing data, cutting it different ways and trying to glean some sense from the raw numbers. Yesterday I got 122 hits. Not sure why. I didn't post yesterday, and it doesn't seem that anyone linked to me, or any one person spent the day on my site. I had visits from 43 different cities in 7 countries. Here are my favorites:

• Rancho Cucamonga, California
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
• Apopka, Florida
• Colombia, South America (Hi John! Bring beautiful Gabriela home soon!)
• Columbia, Maryland (Wonder if I could adopt any frat boys from there?)
• Bronx, New York (Shout out to my neighbors in the Boogie Down)
• Brooklyn, New York (you guys too)

But the weird thing is I only got like one comment yesterday! What's up with that? Don't they speak english in Rancho Cucamonga? Drop a girl a note, won'tcha? I have often heard people say that they feel stupid leaving comments because they don't have anything witty to say. Really it's just an acknowledgement that you stopped by. Not leaving a comment is kind of like, walking up to a group of your friends, standing there listening but not saying anything, then walking away when you've heard enough! Wouldn't that be weird? Not that I am not guilty of it myself...but I try to say something if I've spent the time reading the entire post.

So let me ask you something...how do you manage your blog reading? Do you use bloglines or something similar? Do you keep a list in your "favorites" and then visit every site each day (or however often you sit down to read them). Do you use your own website (or someone else's) to link to your favorite blogs? I started to use bloglines, but I don't love it. You lose the "personality" of the author. So take this opportunity to delurk and introduce yourself. It's okay if your not a blogger, not adopting or whatever. It's nice to know who's out there!

And speaking of who's out there...I finally met Jen! We met for dinner and a drink here in NYC and it was really fun. My husband asked me how the food was, and I honestly don't even remember because we were gabbing so much. We have SO much in common, and it was so amusing to keep saying, Holy Crap, we're going to be parents! It's so great to talk to someone who "gets it". Okay, so she did harass me about my lack of preparation but I won't hold it against her ;) Thanks Jen for a great time, and I hope we can do that again sometime soon.

Well hope everyone has a great weekend. It seems like there is a big flurry of activity out there in adoption blogland...so happy for those who have recieved referrals, are close or have brought their children home! Makes me so anxious for my own referral!!

Thanks to all of you on your kind words about my crappy work week and the compliments on the crib. Work has been slightly better. Off to Birmingham Alabama for a few days next week for a conference. That wasn't one of the cities on my stats, so I dont think I'll be seeing any more bloggers, but I am looking forward to some serious BBQ!

Work Bad, Shopping & TV Good

I feel like I don't post enough, but I don't really have anything very interesting to say. Work has been absolutely craptastic. Friday was one of those days where when I finally got home, I collapsed into a sobbing heap. Even Ms Bad Ass Executive has days when she just can't take anymore shit. Suffice it to say that after spending an entire day trying to resolve a particular issue with a particularly obnoxious chauvinist colleague in a professional and constructive manner, my boss tells me that our President is thinking of making some very bad decisions that may affect me in a most dissatisfactory way. And with a new baby on the way, and me being the sole breadwinner when that happens, I'm a little on edge about it. After a hot shower and a decent night's sleep things were better. DH was very supportive about the whole thing, and we had a great day today. We went out for breakfast at our favorite diner, and then....we bought a crib! Finally! It only took us about 2 hours in the store. It's the Majestic Curved Top Crib from Munire. We bought the crib and a hutch thingie that's not in this picture.

After that we did some running around, including going to my favorite yarn store. Oh and we bought the most gorgeous mermaids today. They are going around the house somewhere and if we do end up with a girl, they will probably find their way into her room. I'll post pics of them next time.

I had to take two round trip flights this week, once to Buffalo, NY and once to West Palm Beach, Florida. I couldn't help but thinking what the flight would be like with our new baby. On one leg of my journey a couple sat next to me with a baby I guessed to be about 6 months old. Of course I thought "Oh great a crying baby". Turns out the baby was fine, the parents were annoying as hell. Tell me, when I finally become a mom, will I act like I am the only human on earth who has a cute baby? Please tell me I won't. This man was talking absurd baby talk non-stop and at the top of his lungs (Yes! You are my little Hulk baby, aren't you?! Yes you ARE!). I could hear him above my JetBlue television blasting in my ear phones. Honestly. The child does not yet have the capability of speech, please stop talking to her like she is going to answer you. Right before another flight, a very annoying woman would not get off her cell phone, even after the flight attendant told her to turn it off. During the third phone call, she left an extended voicemail message for her neighbor wishing her a happy holiday (I assume Rosh Hashanah), said I love you four hundred times, then put her young daughter on the phone that did the same thing. And get this, they were going on a FOUR DAY TRIP. You would have thought they were leaving for a year the way they were saying goodbyes. The young daughter whined and complained LOUDLY the entire trip and her parents ignored her.

I hearby give you all permission to hunt me down and smack me up side the head if I ever behave like that. I'm serious. I have to fly to Alabama in two weeks. Please people, behave yourselves.

In other news, is Thursday television the best ever OR WHAT??? The Office was so freaking GOOD I was dying. She didn't marry him!! Woo Hoo! And she pretty much told him she felt the same way the night of the kiss. Love. That. Show. Gray's was pretty good too. Poor Izzy. And McDreamy's smile makes my toes curl. I have always been a sucker for a killer smile. How did she not jump his bones after he told her he was in love with her?? Screw Mr. Vet Hoo-ah whatshisface. I watched ER after that, which was quite dramatic. While I still enjoy it, I think it won't be able to keep up with Gray's.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Wish me luck at work next week. I wish I could knit for a living or something....