Random Monday

So seamonkey had his first swimming session. What a hoot. We changed him into his little swim shorts and were hanging around the pool waiting for our time to begin. We met the instructor and handed him over. I was a little disappointed in how they handled the first session – I would have hoped that he would have gotten out of the pool and talked to us first, but we just handed him down into the pool. Made me wonder how they assess the needs of new students. He clearly wasn't expecting a new student, let alone who was 6 months old. It ended up okay though. When we first handed him over the kid (the instructor can't be more than 19 years old) said “Now I’m going to warn you, he’s going to cry”. Uh yeah chief, that’s pretty much a given. And he didn’t just cry, he screamed, and I mean SCREAMED bloody murder for 10 minutes straight. I timed it. During those ten minutes another mother walked by me and said with a scrunchy face “Too young!!” Who asked you and mind your bidness!! But after 10 minutes, he seemed to suddenly realize that he was in one big giant bathtub, and oh hold on here people I LOVE THE BATHTUB. Much splashing and giggling ensued and we breathed a sigh of relief.


Anyway...., I’ve been meaning to tell you about something Melissa over at Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters is doing. She has created an “Emoblopedia” (emotional blog encyclopedia) – which is a big collection of blog posts grouped by category – that deal with all the emotional issues surrounding infertility(and adoption) When you are feeling like you are crazy or alone, you can go to this reference guide and hear from all the folks who’ve been there-done that-bought the t-shirt- and have an opinion on the matter. I think it’s an awesome thing. I have a post or two in there (you just ask Mel to add one of your posts, it’s a snap) and I have already read through some of the amazing entries. Just one of the many great resources from this blog. So check it out. Submit an entry for inclusion. Tell your favorite blog authors which posts you think they should submit (any you think I should submit?). We all know that blogging has gotten us through the worst of times...this is another extension of that. A one-stop shop for your emotional bloggy needs!

And while you're there, check out Melissa's entry in the International Infertility Film Festival.

One last thing - the Feds are proposing a increase on filing fees for our beloved adoption paperwork. Just when you thought it couldn't get any more ridiculous - the rates are going up a whopping 66%. Your beloved I171H will now cost you $670. Carrie was nice enough to post about it, go here for more details. The deadline to make comments is today (Monday the 2nd), so if you have a chance, go tell them how ridiculous it is. This really burns my ass. All day I am exposed to young single mothers that have money practically THROWN at them from the federal government to have and care for their babies. Makes me ill.

Happy Monday.

Not much to say

Now it's my turn to be lame. I don't know how you guys post so much. When I have the time, I have nothing interesting to say, and when I think of a post I have no time to write it. And you guys post so much by the time I check bloglines you've got 43 entries and I can't possibly comment on all of them! So I guess I need to stop being a comment whore, huh? I get it, everyone's got a life, be happy when they read you at all.

So today is a "have time but nothing to say" day, but I feel like I need to post something or you'll all desert me. Work is work - no funny stories lately. Although I did see someone on the subway today - a grown woman - wearing an aqua Tinkerbell backpack with the word "Mommy" embroidered across the back. I assume there is a matching one attached to a 5 year old somewhere? Please lady, you shouldn't wear that unless you're with the 5 year old. And even then - it's not as cute as you think it is.

Seamonkey is doing well. He had a little breakdown today - daddy didn't make sure he got his afternoon nap, so he was sleeping at mealtime and I had to wake him up. (Daddy conveniently left for a social engagement) Normally I wouldn't do that, but he didn't have his afternoon bottle either, so if I didn't wake him up there was going to be a 3am screamfest for food, and that can't happen to me on a schoolnight. I tried to get him to ease into being awake and I thought we were clear for a while there, but as soon as I put the bottle in his mouth he freaked out. Nothing I did helped. Held him, put him in the crib, sing, dance, nothing. Scream scream scream. Finally after a good half hour he called himself down and just started smiling and laughing. Psychotic I tell you. It's a good thing he's cute.

Speaking of cute...for some reason this week he found his feet and hands. A little behind at 6 months I think but whatever. I video taped him today holding his hands up in front of his face and moving his fingers and bending his arms, totally fascinated. The video shows him quietly observing, then me laughing, then him laughing at me laughing, then he gets all serious and looks at his hands again...round and round. It was so freaking funny. It was like he was stoned or on acid or something (not that I know about that stuff heh)..I was waiting for him to be like "Duuuuuudddeeee, look at all the coloooorrrrss" in a surfer dude voice or something. He found his feet too, and finds the need to munch them whenever he is on his back now. The verdict? Tasty:



Oh and guess what we did. We signed him up for swimming. I would say "swimming lessons" but I'm not sure there is much in the way of things to teach a 6 month old at this point. But he will now have one on one sessions with an instructor (young college kid) at this place for a half hour once a week until he's two. No seriously. We paid for enough sessions to get him through the next 15 months. It seems a little much, but really it ended up much cheaper that way, and if we opt out at some point, we only lose our deposit, which isn't much. But in reality I really want to keep him going. He really loves the bathtub. As in, he loves to have water literally dumped on his head, splashes like crazy and hates to come out. So I really want to keep him comfortable in the water. We live near the water, my dad has a boat and my husband surf fishes. It's really important to us that he learns to be comfortable and safe. The place didn't blink an eye about him being so young...in fact they encourage it, since apparently babies have a natural instinct for swimming and it's best to start them as young as possible. And seamonkey seemed fascinated by the place - didn't cry once seeing all those strangers in one place. It's crawling with kids, and check out the mural they have at the pool! I'll let you know how it goes.

Happy Monday

You can’t make this stuff up

Its been an interesting few weeks here in starfish world. I thought I would document two of the more interesting happenings:

STORY ONE:
One evening, I left work at my usual time. I took my usual subway train to my usual stop. I proceeded to the usual track, and got on my usual train, three minutes before it’s due to leave at 6:07pm, and sat in my usual seat. I pulled out some knitting and settled into the blind oblivion that is my usual commute home. About 20 minutes later, after pulling out of another stop along the way, I hear the tail end of the automated conductor announcement say “…..the next stop is X Town”. Uh….hold on here. X Town is not on my train line. I look around, and no one else seems to be panicking. I look out the window…hmmm…this doesn’t look familiar. We pull into the next station, and the robotic voice says “This is the train to Yville. The next stop is “Zfield”. OH CRAP. I got on the wrong. freaking. train. Damn track changes. Gather up knitting and make way to the door. I am going to need to get off this eastbound train and take another train back west to the Hub Station so I can get on the right train. Hmmm…some of these stops are really small stations, there might not be a train going back west for some time. Hmmm…which stop to get off? The further east I go the longer it will take me to go back west. Hmmm. Crap. Okay, I’ll get off here.

Hmmm. This station appears to be right in the middle of a residential area. Let’s make our way over to the schedule board. Okay, it’s 6:39 now. The next train back west is….no. Please no. 7:25??? WTF!!!! Okay. Keep it together. Don’t cry. Oh SHIT. I left my blackberry home today in it’s charger. Can’t call home to tell them I’ll be late. Let’s try this pay phone. Doesn’t work. GREAT. Walk all over, up and around and can’t find another pay phone. See a cop car. Excuse me officers, can you tell me if there is a payphone around here? No? Gee thanks, sorry to have disturbed you sitting around BULLSHITTING. Go back up to platform. Sit down. Cry. Knit until the cold makes my fingers numb and it’s too dark to see. Board the 7:25 and get to Hub Station. Go to pay phone. Doesn’t work. *sigh*. Go upstairs and see two payphones. One is occupied. Second doesn’t work. *SIGH* Stand too close to person on occupied phone until he freaks out and gets off. Dial tone. Praise the Lord. Insert two quarters. Hear “50 cents please” Hit coin return with no luck. Operator comes on to tell me I owe 50 cents. I tell her I did. She starts to tell me to call the 1800 number. Completely lose my shit and scream into pay phone using words like “bullshit” and “second freaking time” and “1800 my ass”. Get connected to husband and tell him I’ll be late. Get on correct train and eventually get home. At 9:00pm

STORY TWO:
I am trying to hire a Director for my department. I came across an interesting resume from someone who worked at another company in my industry, who, if not for their very small size, would be considered a competitor. His experience was somewhat related to the position, but he deals more with outside relationships rather than inside, which is what this job requires. I figured maybe he wanted a change or something, so I asked him to come in for an interview. I started out as I usually do, explaining who I am, where this position fits in, and my expectations. This candidate, who I’ll call Joe (because he looked like an ex-boyfriend of mine with the same name) is asking me all kinds of strange detailed questions, and trying to scribble down my answers with the stub of a #2 pencil. Scrunching up his face every time I answer as if I’m speaking Chinese. He then starts to ask me about how often he’ll be dealing with the external clients. “You won’t” I say, “we have another unit that does that – you’ll deal with people internally, help resolve issues and support the people who deal with the external clients.” Another scrunched up face. “Hmmm…” he says as he leans way back in his chair. “I don’t know…Let me ask you your opinion, considering you’re a Vice President and all….If I want to be CEO someday, I’ll probably need this kind of experience?” He waves his hand over the job description to illustrate what he means by “this kind”. “Uhh….yeeeaaah. I don’t think that’s the right reason to take the job” I say. Before I can say anything further, he jumps in with “In any case, you are going to want me to talk to your external customers”. “No,” I reiterate, “I already said, there is no reason for you to talk with them, there is another unit that does that”. “Well, I’ll tell you right now, as soon as they know I work here, they are going to call me directly. They won't bother talking to that unit.” Now it’s my turn to scrunch up my face. “Why would THAT be??” I ask. “Well because I have connections. They know me.” I blink slowly for 10 seconds. Then I laugh. I’ve never laughed in a candidates face before. “Joe, our company is about 10 times bigger than yours. I think we've got a few relationships ourselves”. I got up and told him to show himself out. Did I mention that he looked like an ex-boyfriend? Did I also mention that a recent hire from his company told me the reason he's looking for a job is because he got FIRED from that company? YOU LOSE. GOOD DAY SIR.

Monthly update - Six Months Old

Wow. This is all going really fast. Sometimes I think you are growing right before my eyes. At your last doctor's appointment you weighed 17lbs 10 oz and you grew another inch. You are one solid little boy. I can't imagine how I'm going to hold you when you're two. Sometimes I carry you upside down on my hip and chant "sack of potatoes, sack of potatoes". So far that makes you laugh.

You laugh alot more now. Big hearty giggles that crack us up. Sometimes you laugh when we do certain things, like when I sit you facing me on my lap, hold your hands and flip you slowly backwards. Sometimes you just burst out with a big guffaw for no reason at all. But I swear, there is no better sound I have ever heard in my life.

Conversely, you have started to make the worse sound I have ever heard. It's this whingy whiney groany "eeehhhhhh" sound. So. annoying. We can't figure out why you do it. You seem to be frustrated or uncomfortable or something but we can't figure out why. Please stop. If you continue to do this until and through your toddler years, I will surely go mad. For some reason, the highchair really sets you off. You immediately get fussy when you are put there. Feeding you, particularly in the evenings is really getting to be a chore. If you are really tired, you do the all out, red face, can't hardly catch your breath cry. The second I take you out, you stop. *sigh*. That is so not cool. I only get a few hours with you each night so let's make them good ones, okay? You and I, we're working it out. Slowly. You've begun stage 2 foods, but mostly just the fruits and veggies. You get a few spoons of the meat a day, but we're taking that very slowly. That stuff smells like regurgitated cat food, not sure how you can stand it.

Every day you get better control of your hands. It is amazing to watch you start to really use your fingers. We now have to move most things out of your reach when you are sitting on our laps at the table. You like to grab things and bang them really hard. The louder the noise the better. Grandma thought it was funny until you actually smashed a melanine bowl into many pieces. No more bowls for you. You can grasp a sippy cup really well, and you get the concept that you can drink from it, but we're still working on the concept of tilting the cup upward so you can get to the water.

Another great thing you have started to do, is to put your hands in my hair and pull my face into yours. You put your big wide open mouth on my face. I guess that's your version of a baby kiss? It kinda hurts most of the time because you've got a mean grip, but oh how I love it when you want to be close to me!

Your babbling is different now. Instead of just ooooo and aaaaaa sounds you are actually trying out your tongue and jaw. We now get lots of babababas and yayayayas. When you make those kinds of sounds I get glimpses of what your voice will sound like when you do talk. You also love to do raspberries, although you've been doing that for a while now. Not so cute when you do it with a mouthful of peas. Your face is maturing too...your hair is growing and you're losing some of that "baby look". We are so torn between wanting to see grow and progress and wanting you to stay little just a little longer. These months are flying by.

You sit up very well on your own now and only tip over once in a while. You like to sit up in the bathtub now, you can get maximum splash factor that way. We've just introduced small toys to you in the tub and you are loving it!


You seem to like tummy time alot better now, although mostly what you do is alternate between pushing yourself up on your arms and laying down and sucking your thumb. Those push ups apparently take alot out of you. We try to put toys in front of you to encourage you to start crawling, but mostly you just get so excited your legs move you backwards. You've got rolling over completely down now. In fact, you can roll from back to front AND front to back. We put you on a quilt on the floor and in no time you've rolled yourself right off of it.

You get up at about 7-7:30 each morning, which is good because I can say goodbye to you right before I leave for work. You do pretty well with your naps. You sleep about an hour in the morning and a good two to three hours in the afternoon. We find that if we put you in the middle of our king size bed for your afternoon nap, and put some classical music on the radio, you sleep pretty long. You still sleep with your hands up...we call it your Victory pose (another good day for seamonkey!)You take another catnap around 6, and go to bed around 9:30. The absolute best part of my day is having you fall asleep in my arms. I try to really concentrate on that moment, holding you tightly and breathing in your wonderful baby scent. I can't believe you are mine. We love you more every day.

The Not so Lame List

Here is the final list of blog links! Thanks for participating, and sorry I had to resort to name calling, but hey, sometimes ya gotta do whatya gotta do. Remember this was all about supporting each other, so be sure to take some time and check out these great blogs. I've tried to include a little description to guide you; forgive me blog authors if I've got it wrong, sometimes it's hard to figure out.

Worth the Wait (Home with 2 from Russia)
B-Happy (Journey to #3, this time in Ethiopia)
The Chambers Adoption Process (Working on a domestic adoption)
Building a Family (Journey to Ethiopia)
Waiting for Sprout (Journey to China)
A Dad’s Journey through International Adoption (Journey to Russia)
Born in our hearts (Home with one from Russia, one Domestic)
Voice of the Voiceless(Journey to Russia)
Waiting for Brody (Journey to Guatemala)
Mei Mei Journal (Home from China)
My Diary of Triplet Fatherhood (Bio Triplets)
Waiting for Sophie (Home from China, Journey to Guatemala)
Anti-racist Parent (Joint blog)
Olive You (Journey to Russia)
Perky’s Perspective (Home with 2 from Russia)
Guatemalan Sisters (Home with 2 from Guatemala)
Two Moms Adopting (Home with one Domestic)
Family Found (Home with one from Ethiopa)
Praying them Home (3 bio, journey to Guatemala and Haiti)
2 more to love (2 bio, 2 twins from Vietnam)
“For I know the plans….” (Journey to Colombia)
Metrodad (1 bio)
Snips, Snails & Pigtails (3 bio, 1 domestic)
Looking for Grace( 4 bio, 1 on the way from Russia)
Karen Road Chronicles (2 bio)

And speaking of great blogs, I'm a big fan of Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters these days. What a great resource and support community for infertiles of every circumstance (still trying, adoptive parents, child free). I've decided to join the Barren Bitches Book Brigade this go round, so look for my opinion on "The Time Traveler's Wife" in the coming weeks.

Off to sleep - this DST bullshit really screwed me up. People, I NEED my sleep. Between the loss of my precious much needed additional hour and the fact that my Microsoft Outlook Calendar has half of my meetings scheduled at the wrong time, I'm about to lose my mind. Only half though, so I don't really know for sure which ones are wrong. Seems like I just wander from conference room to conference room saying "are we meeting? now? oh ok, I'll come back". Stupid government. Stupid Microsoft. Stupid meetings.

*sigh* and it's only Monday.

On prayer...

As we all know, when you go through something big, like say, infertility or the adoption process, you tend to think about God more than usual. I know it from experience, and I see it in the blogs I read every day.

Of particular interest is when bloggers ask readers to pray that some piece of paperwork gets there, or gets signed, or is overlooked…. or that some particularly nail-biting part of the process happens in our favor, quickly and without too much suffering. And when I read those words “pray for us” or “keep us in your prayers” - I always scrunch up my face and think “Don’t you know it doesn’t work like that?” I mean, really, if all it took was to just ASK God for something, wouldn’t we all be home with children by now, most by an uncomplicated pain-free natural birth? (And wouldn’t I be wearing size 4 jeans?) More mystifying yet is that we think that if A LOT of people ask ALL AT ONCE then God can’t help but listen? Do we really think that the Almighty can be swayed like that? Interesting concept, but I don’t think so. He’s much too smart for that.

When I went through my infertility treatments, I prayed a lot. Please God, I want this so badly, not just for myself, but for my husband and our families. Please God, I’ll be a good mother, you know I will. During our final treatment, I wore religious medals of Saint Gerard and the Virgin Mary. I said a novena specific to for those wishing to conceive. I visited a church near work and kneeled and prayed to Mary. Despite all that we got bad news yet again. Even though I knew in my heart it didn’t work that way. Silly rabbit, miracles are for kids.

So I don’t pray much anymore, not in the traditional sense anyway. If that sounds blasphemous, I don’t mean it that way. While I don’t go to church all that often, I do very much believe in God. We’ve settled our differences for the time being – as I’ve said before, I could hardly argue with the Guy who made it possible for Seamonkey to be sleeping in the crib in the former guest bedroom…. But basically, I’m like - if all this is up to him, what am I asking for? What’s the point? It even kind of bugs me now when people “waste” prayers on trivial things. As if praying about getting the nurse at your doctor’s office to notarize your letter by 4:00 somehow makes a difference. Maybe it’s a case of, “it didn’t work for me, so why should it work for you?”. Yeah that’s probably it. Well, I guess the bitterness of barrenness has never really left me, huh? Tell me something I didn’t know.

Anyway, I approach the whole God thing a little differently these days. I acknowledge Him in little odd moments –not sure how to explain that exactly – but I recognize His presence and acknowledge His hand in things. Like on a particularly beautiful sunny day at the beach, after a fun day laughing my guts out with cousins, or when my new son has fallen asleep in my arms. During those dark moments too – when someone has died or fallen ill, or when the news tells you nine more soldiers died today. I try to remember to say thank you for the good stuff, and for the bad stuff I pray for the strength to deal with whatever happens – whether it’s for me or someone else. It may not be enough, and I may have this all wrong, but it’s the best way I know to understand and cope with the unfair randomness of life.

So when you’re asking me to pray that your application gets approved or your pee stick turns the right shade of pink, know that what you’re really getting from me is my wish that you can handle the results whatever they turn out to be. But ‘crossing my fingers’? That I can do for you, sure. Toes too, no extra charge.

You guys are so lame

Come on people, where is the love?

Thirteen of you commented on my last post, but only 7 people left blogs to share!

What the hell?

I know you're out there. I average over 100 hits a day, 200 after I post something new. Amazed? So am I! So, I am mystified as to why there is a lack of participation (and why I never seem to get too many comments). This is fun dammit! We all need to encourage each other to keep blogging - and the best way to do that is to let each other know that we actually READ what we WRITE.

Leave me a blog link or I will hunt you down and force you to watch my home movies. And lurkers...FINE YOU WIN. Just cut and paste a link in the comments, you don't have to say anything else!!!

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

I can't believe it's been a whole year.

This time last year I decided to blog because we were officially starting the adoption process. Our lives had finally taken a positive turn, and there was hope for a family on the horizon. We were still undergoing infertility treatments, but somehow in our hearts we knew adoption was how we would finally realize our dream. Boy did we ever hit the jackpot. Seamonkey is all we dreamed of and more.

Jill was the first person to comment on my brand spanking new blog. She said: "congrats - we are also in the beginning steps - just did my I600A last week... looking forward to going on our journeys together!" And I'm happy to say we did just that - both of us did eventually get the elusive I600A, are now home with our beautiful new baby boys. We still keep in touch and I suppose we'll need each other's support more than ever now!. Perhaps some day we'll be able to do a play date, girl. You know, the kind where you and me go have a drink downtown and leave the kids with their dads? Yeah, that kind!

Blogging has been such a wonderful outlet for me. As I know it is with many of you, it is a way for me to process my thoughts...to vent to people who really understand me. It is amazing to get support from people who you've never met. Sometimes just getting a response or two telling me I'm not nuts was enough to get me through a particularly bad day. I thank you all for that...from those of you who have read this blog from the beginning, to the occaisonal commenters who chimed in when they had something useful to say, to the diehard lurkers - who even though I could never coerce them to comment, kept my stats up which encouraged me to keep posting.

So in honor of my blogiversary and of the support of cyber strangers everywhere, let's try a little something different, kay? Wanna?

Go right now and find another adoption or infertility blog out there that you've never read before (and preferably not one already on my blogroll). Easy enough to do, just do a little link hopping...click on a blog from my blogroll (over there on the sidebar ---- >) then click on a blog from their blogroll, then a blog from their blogroll, and so on and so on...keep going until you get at least six degrees of separation or so (I'm channeling Kevin Bacon here). Post the link in my comments and I'll update this entry with a list of some new blogs for us all to check out. Try to choose a blog you wouldn't normally gravitate to (like a different country/program) so we get some good diversity in the list.

If you'd like to have an alcoholic beverage to celebrate, I'll leave that up to you. But if you really want to honor me, make it cold and put alot of vodka in it

So leave a link, say hello, and if you want to say something nice about me and my blog, well that would be just fine too. Make me feel good and let's see how long we can make this list. And you lurkers - let's hear from you too, huh?


*UPDATE*
Here's what we've got so far! Give these bloggers a visit, and spread the support and bloggy love!!

Worth the Wait
B-Happy
The Chambers Adoption Process
Building a Family
Waiting for Sprout
A Dad’s Journey through International Adoption
Born in our hearts
Voice of the Voiceless
Karen Road Chronicles
Waiting for Brody
Mei Mei Journal
My Diary of Triplet Fatherhood
Waiting for Sophie
Anti-racist Parent
Olive You
Perky’s Perspective
Guatemalan Sisters
Two Moms Adopting

Monthly Update - Five months old

Dear Seamonkey:

Holy cow how time flies! We can't believe how quickly you are growing from a baby into a little boy. Thankfully you still have your good natured personality. You still start every day with a smile. I took this picture of you this morning, after I heard you talking to yourself in your crib:

It seems that at first you babble on to yourself for your own entertainment, then it gets louder and louder, signaling to us that you've had enough and are ready to get up. Bath time continues to be hilarious, and I'm secretly hoping that maybe there's a swimming scholarship in there somewhere for you. You are on solid foods now, and there really isn't anything you won't eat. You even like peas! You do seem partial to sweet potatoes and pears though. We found a new treat you love - mangoes! We put it in the little net thingie for you to hold and you mash that sucker flat in no time! Of course afterwards you need a hose down.You are getting very fussy with your bottle, and seem to want it less and less now. We know you've had enough when you start babbling and playing with your tongue and getting milk everywhere. So, we decided to see how you would like a cup:
You love it! Now you pull at the glass anytime we are drinking something. Of course, you do get quite soaked but you thoroughly enjoy it. We are working on your sippy cup skills so that you can hold it and drink yourself. You do better each time...you get better control of your hands every day. Getting control of your legs is a different story. You kick your legs around all the time. If we put a motor on you, you'd be off like a flash. We try tummy time with you, but you're not a big fan. We keep trying anyway! You are almost ready to turn over:
You get most of the way over, but then decide it's too much trouble and roll back. Any day now you'll make that last little push!

You are fascinated with our cats. You squeal with delight anytime either one comes into sight. Lucy pretty much ignores you, but Willow is just as fascinated with you as you are of her. She sits right next to you and lets you touch her. When you are playing, she comes right over to see what all the fuss is about. Of course, we're very watchful when they are near, although we are very confident that they will not hurt you.

The family continues to adore you. You visit your dad's parents every Monday and they love you to death. Although Grandpa G is a complete baby hog. He likes to hold you in his rocking chair and doesn't like to give him up to anyone else. You are very relaxed with him and sometimes fall asleep on his lap. Uncle M is chomping at the bit to buy you tons of sports equipment. For now he's bought you your first Mets hat:

My mom is a typical grandma to you. She sneaks you treats when she thinks I'm not looking. She gave you a lollipop for Valentine's Day which you loved. You held it yourself in front of your mouth and kept sticking out your tonuge and lapping at it like a dog. We only let you have a few licks - we know grandma is crazy. You have a fascination with my dad. Grandpa N can get you to smile when no one else can. He's like your own personal clown. You get so excited when he's around you start jumping up and down. Speaking of jumping up and down, you love your jumperoo! You can be in that thing for hours and sometimes you exhaust yourself so much you fall asleep standing in it! It is hilarious to watch you jump and shriek and squeal. You seem to really like music. For some reason, anytime SpongeBob comes on, you stop dead in your tracks and stare at the tv, loving the theme song. Sometimes, if you are crying, we can get you to stop by singing "oooooohhhhh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea..." We also put children's music on for you and you listen very intently. You are partial to the Little Bunny Foo Foo song, especially when I do the hand movements for you.

You are definitely getting more fussy as your personality develops. Sometimes you'll start crying for what seems like no reason, and it is difficult to calm you down. It only lasts a short while, so we're not sure if you're starting to teethe, or are just releasing some pent up energy or what. It's okay though, we know it's part of growing up.

I have gone back to work and you are doing well being home with daddy. Dad can't wait for the weather to get warm so he can start taking walks with you and doing manly things. I can't wait to get home each day so I can squeeze you. When I first get home, you stare at me for a good long while as if to say "Hey, I know you...where've you been all day?" But thankfully you remember me pretty quickly, you let me feed you, play with you and put you to bed. Weekends are spent running around town, mostly to Target to buy you more diapers and more formula. You don't mind being in the stroller, but you are very quiet the whole time. Taking it all in I suppose. Oh but you definitely don't like putting your coat and hat on or off. That's always fun.

We can't believe that you will soon be six months old. We can't wait to see what you learn to do next. You continue to be the joy of our lives..we love you very much.

A little follow up

Thanks for all your comments about my Breadwinner post. I want to make something clear though - I (we) are totally comfortable in our choice to have BT stay home. We don't really care what other people think, because we know this makes the most sense for our situation and for seamonkey's well being. You're right, it doesn't matter which parent gets to stay home.

The "issue" if there is one, is really about how he and I are settling into this new routine. What I am learning, is that there is some truth to the fact that there is never really a complete role reversal. Women, being women, just naturally do a little more than their share. Somteimes that pisses me off, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes, after coming home from a long day, I am disheartened to see the house a mess. This morning, I know I will have to spend a few hours getting things cleaned up or I'll go mad. Again, I don't think he's lazy or doing it intentionally...I think he just has to realize that this is part of the job.

The other part of this is communication. Trying to get my thoughts and feelings across without making him feel inferior, which displays itself as anger. I don't think he realized he would feel this way sometimes, but I know he does. And no offense to you stay at home moms out there, but it is a very different situation. I thought it would be similar, but I realize it isn't at all. I would guess that many of your working husbands don't complain much about cleaning because 1) they don't care so much 2) you would never leave such a mess. This is my biggest challenge so far. I've been able to say things like "Can you do me a favor and clean the bathroom today" and refrain from saying "or else things will start growing out of the toilet". And I know I have to realize, as Del aptly put it, "sometimes men don't see the same piles/messes we see" and girl, ain't it the truth! So I'll let you know how it goes as we progress here.

Anyway...I got another great little giftie from my secret pal:

It is a hilarious card and book. The front of the card says "Stuff that gets on my nerves more than it should: Slow people at the salad bar. The inside shows a the same slow woman with the beejezus scared out of her because someone shouted HOLY CRAP IT'S NOT A DECORATING CONTEST! I tell ya SBP, I laughed at loud at that one, and maybe because I may have on some occasion uttered those exact words. The book is entitled "Women of Substance - A Collection of Estrogen-Rich Cartoons by Revilo. Hilarious cartoons about being a woman. I've cut a few out already! Whoever you are, you get me! Thanks very much!

White or Whole Wheat?

I’m not really surprised that I’m the breadwinner. If you told me that I’d end up this way back when I was in college, I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. I've always been the ambitious sort. It's my creative mind and inquisitive nature that makes figuring things out and solving problems a welcome challenge. So with any job I've had, I get very passionate about doing things accurately and efficiently. My type A personality gets people to listen to me and take me seriously, so I am able to lead projects and people pretty well. And all that naturally makes bosses happy. And we all know what happens when you do a good job - you get more work. No good deed goes unpunished as it were. So I've been able to make my way up the corporate ladder kind of by default. Before I knew it, I was on a pretty high rung and lo and behold what started out as a job has become a career.

BT on the other hand, has never really been interested in a career. He had a very good job before Seamonkey came along, but he was never looking to build any empires. He was satisfied to never have to manage anyone, and was never interested in climbing up the corporate ladder even if it meant more prestige or more money. One might think I would be turned off by his lack of ambition, but weirdly enough he is a nice ying to my yang. He keeps me grounded and makes sure I do fun stuff too. He is also more of a nurturer than I am. He loves to cook big elaborate meals, preferably something he’s never tried before, and serve them to family and friends. He likes things clean and orderly (and may have an unnatural addiction to cleaning products and organizer bins). He is kind and extremely sensitive, and genuinely the most considerate person I know (how on earth he ever married me will always be a mystery (even he doesn’t know) but that’s fodder for another post). In any case, he clearly makes the better stay at home parent, and I am clearly more suited to working. That, and my paycheck was (much) bigger. So here we are.

I’ve been back to work for three weeks now. So far, I don’t feel like I’m missing anything at home. Seamonkey pretty much eats and sleeps all day, with a little play time thrown in. He hasn’t done anything monumental in my absence. I don’t totally resent BT being home at this point. He is often up and awake before I am. He warms up my car and makes my lunch, and reminds me of anything important I need to know for the day. Other than maybe some mismatched outfits, he does a purty darned good job of taking care of the boy. He also makes sure I get plenty of bonding time with the boy when I get home.

It’s always interesting when people ask me who is taking care of the baby while I’m at work. Depending upon the gender and age of the person, I get a whole range of reactions. Interestingly enough, the Fish just returned from maternity leave. She has a decently prominent position here, and I would guess that her salary is relatively close to mine (I hope not too close, but whatever). I haven’t met her husband but from what I hear he is also at a similar level. She has hired a nanny so that both of them can return to work. She asked me if I’d hired someone yet. Laughing, I said, “Yes, my husband”. Instead of calling me crazy in her snide back handed condescending way as I expected, she was actually trying to justify herself to me. I thought that was funny. So I just sat there and smirked at her and watched her squirm. (there I go, being all nasty and RUDE again – bring it, trolls). Truthfully, I could care less about her choices. Though I may not agree with her situation (I’m pretty sure they both don’t HAVE to work and her back peddling kind of confirms that), it’s her business, not mine.

I have been recently trying to connect with other Breadwinning moms. Other than my new friend Margie P, I haven’t found too many out there. I’ve done some internet research on the whole woman breadwinner thing, but all I find is a lot of crap. There are a lot of useless surveys and studies out there that overthink this concept to death. I wasn’t sure what to make of this article – I think it’s saying that most women who think they are breadwinners really aren’t, because either (1) it’s just temporary so don’t go having any sense of accomplishment, if your husband wasn’t such a failure you wouldn’t be in this position, and once he gets his act together you’ll be back to being inferior (2) good news – your husband thinks you’re his equal – bad news – equal means you have to do your share of housecleaning and child rearing while working full time or (3) you do have the gender role reversal thing going full force, but that not only makes you a radical feminist, the number of you out there are too statistically insignificant to matter to anyone. A better article is this one, and kind of sums up what I’ve been feeling as of late.

We are still finding our way with a routine, and with expectations of each other during this new phase of our lives. I find myself walking on eggshells if something is bothering me about what he’s done (or not done) at home. I would imagine it’s hard enough for a man to be in this situation. Although he is happy with our arrangement, it still isn’t a widely accepted practice, (especially with other men!) and I don’t want to ever insult him or make him feel inferior. It’s something I’ve always had difficulty balancing, now made worse by the necessity of the role reversal. I know he is generally proud of me but sometimes I’m a little too much for him. There have been times when I have expressed a particularly feminist opinion and he retorts “I am woman hear me roar” accompanied by a nice big eye roll. However, I feel like I need to (and should) say something if I’m not happy, otherwise it will just build up and I’ll eventually explode. I would just like to see more things being done over the course of the week so that our weekend time can be focused on family time. It’s stupid little things, like mail piles, and laundry baskets, and closet space and other things that in the scheme of things mean absolutely nothing. I try to ask myself if my expectations are unreasonable, but at this point, with seamonkey being so little and mostly stationary, I don’t think so. I’m thinking now is the time, because he is so little, and the weather is so cold, that more time could be spent getting bigger projects out of the way so when it gets warmer and the baby is more interactive, he can go out and do manly stuff with him all day long. It’s not like I’m totally unwilling to help either. I will gladly work together with him, but every weekend we are off doing something or other so there usually isn’t time. I don’t think BT is lazy or inconsiderate…I just, well, I don’t know what the issue is really. I guess the day can just get away from you. *Sigh* just venting I guess. Not complaining…we have things really good, and we are very lucky that one of us can stay home.

So give me some hope here… I’d be interested in knowing how you other SAH households have adjusted. Did you just naturally fall into a rhythm of who would do what, or was it somewhat difficult to come to agreement on things?

and the greatest of these is Love

So how is it?

That is the number one question I get asked about being a new mom.

My standard short response is “Awesome”. At this point, the conversation can go one of several ways:

1. The person (woman) says “great” and walks away.
Translation: Screw you my kids were/are nightmares and I don’t want to hear happy stories.

2. The person (man) says “great” and walks away.
Translation: This is woman talk and I will not participate lest it morph into discussions of menstrual cramps and brownie recipes.

3. The person says “Yes, isn’t it?! Do you have pictures?”
Translation: I have no kids so I have no clue but I think other people’s are real cute as long as I don’t have to hold them for too long.

4. The person says “I know! My little Billy is so amazing! He can roll over already and he’s only 3 months old! He can speak two languages and likes to eat mangoes and he just makes the cutest little face when you read him poetry and blah blah yada yada blabber blabber .. Translation: Somebody get me a life.

5. The person says “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you. What’s his name?”
Translation: I am a normal human being with relatively well-adjusted kids of my own, we don’t need to talk endlessly about our kids, tell me his name and I’ll ask about him from time to time.

Needless to say, I try to surround myself with a lot of #5’s.

I also get asked “Getting any sleep?” accompanied by a smug know-it-all-grin. I hate to break it to y’all, but yes, I am. The boy sleeps all night, every night, pretty faithfully since we’ve had him. And if this discontinues because everyone keeps making me say that out loud thereby pissing off all the Gods of Baby Sleep, then I will very angry. And tired. And very. Very. cranky. Don’t make me go there.

In other ranting, what is up with people and baby gifts? It's not the ugly clothes that get me, or even the cheap stuff. I understand that not everyone has good taste or alot of money, and in general I truly appreciate any acknowledgement of the boy's arrival. It's just that I don't get what some people are thinking when they give gifts. Why don't people always include gift receipts?? I have a ton of stuff that totally doesn't fit him or is well, okay, too ugly for my tastes and now I don't know what to do with them. And people, please consider his general SIZE. I can pretty much guarantee he won't be wearing that adorable fuzzy bear snow outfit with cute little ears on the hood in MAY because you bought a size 9 MONTHS. Of course my SIL pulled this classic move -when we first came home, she told us over and over how she bought an adorable outfit with a snowman on it, but she thinks it's too big because it's size 9 months (he was 4 months at the time). Despite my repeated replies, that YES it's too big and NO he won't be able to wear it, she gave it to us anyway, and so far she hasn't produced a receipt, so it's still sitting in a bag in our living room. Don't even get me started on her...okay wait just one more story...

We told everyone that we did NOT want a packnplay - we didn't think it was necessary given our particular lifestyle - but we registered for a very small one anyway, as people were complaining there weren't enough items on my registry (our families are very big). I was very particular about it, because most of them are too big and have too many unnecessary fancy thingamabobs attached. If I had to have one, I wanted small, simple and plain. I was also thinking that if we didn't get it as a gift we wouldn't buy one at all. So, needless to say, on Christmas SIL gets us a different PNP than the one we registered for (actually it was supposedly from my niece but it was clear who's idea the whole thing was), and while we were very appreciative, we said very nicely that we weren't sure if we were going to even have one at all. No problem she said, you can always use the money at BRU and get something you do want. Because the box is big, we left it at our in-laws house. The next week when we are there, lo and behold the thing is out of the box and all set up. SIL insisted that we just see what it looked like set up, as if the picture on the box weren't enough, or as if I'm too stupid to be able to visualize. She felt that we should keep it at my MILs house for when we are there, or if he stays over. First, seamonkey will NEVER be staying over night there. My in-laws, while they are the most wonderful and loving people ever, they are in their late 70's and are too old to babysit a small child. They both have a variety of ailments that would make it very difficult for them (my FIL is in denial but my MIL knows she couldn't do it and I would never put her under that kind of pressure). Second, my in- laws have a TINY little cape and the thing now takes over half of their living room. But, SIL has forced it upon everyone and now there it sits. So ridiculous.

Okay. That's enough. I'm trying to be nice now that I'm a mom and have to set a good example. Did I mention that the way she talks baby talk to him gets on my nerves too? Please woman, stop with the "blankie" and "ba ba". He's a genius and he's going to Harvard, so let's act accordingly. Okay enough. Really.

Thanks for all the kind words on my last post. I know it was shameless self promotion - but we all need compliments once in a while, even if we have to fish for them ourselves. If I had my way, I would win Megamillions and be able to quit my job and pursue my arts and craftiness full time. However, Pampers and Similac ain't cheap, so I have to settle for having it as a hobby. I do have plans to make some decorative things (picture frames, treasure boxes) and sell them online somehow, so keep an eye out for that at some point. Of course, I do all this stuff free for family and friends, and despite how busy I am, if anyone asks I rarely say no. I'm in it for the craft not the money.

Lastly, a big THANK YOU to my secret pal! Sorry I'm so late with this acknowledgement (I am the worst with timely thank yous) I have no excuse. But a few weeks ago I came home to a little box that was chock full of CHOCOLATE! Hello? Could you have gotten me a better gift? You rock whoever you are!

Jardín de Los Pulpos

So here's what I 've been doing when I haven't been working, or spending time with the Seamonkey. I warn you, if you are one who doesn't like themed baby rooms, look away now, lest your retinas get scorched out of your head. Don't say I didn't warn you.

As you will see, the theme is "Octopus' Garden". All murals done by yours truly. Bedding is the sea creatures stuff from BRU, some of it modified - dust ruffle is now little curtains for the changing table shelves, the tab valences were modified to better fit the windows.



My favorite thing in the room is the Octopus Chair from Babystyle.
I still need to finish the curtain for this window and fix this valence. Notice the top of his dresser has "vintage" toys. These toys, including the Fisher Price corn popper, medical kit, stack rings, xylophone, and phone. All of these were actually mine when I was little. An older cousin, who inherited them for her kids, gave them back to me at my shower. I can't wait for Seamonkey to play with them - and I've promised to hand them down to another family member when he out grows them!
Main mural above his crib. The flag has his name on it.

Fish & seahorse, images from the bedding.
Closet wall, blank space is for a picture frame.
I think the boy likes it!

The Nightmare Express

Hey - long time no post, I know. Thinks are fine here at Chez Starfish, although very busy. I have several thoughtful and witty posts in the making, and I hope to share them with you very soon. In the meantime, I give you the following post, written on my blackberry last Friday evening:


As I write this I am sitting on commuter train. A normal occurrence at this time of day (the 6:07 eastbound that usually arrives at my station at 6:50) except for the fact that we are not moving currently and it doesn't look like we will be any time soon. It seems as though there is a train 5 trains ahead of us that has a downed power line on top of it. We were moving rather slowly for a good while, but now are stopped dead between stations. It is now 7:20.

I've tried to read my book, but I am entirely distracted by the social experiment unfolding before me. Anyone want to guess how long it takes before a group of about 75 confined adults start collectively flipping out? Anyone? Beuller? Answer: about 23 Minutes. Here is a little of what is currently going on around me:

Update 7:26
Each time an announcement is made (of the may-I-have-your-attention-we-have-no-further-information variety) it is preceded by several pleasant tones to alert all the friendly passengers that a Message is coming forthwith. Somehow people can't seem to grasp this concept so each time the tones sound it is followed by a full 30 seconds of SHHHHHing that prevents us from hearing that they don't know anything.

After said announcement everyone immediately gets on their cell phone to tell one or more (usually more) loved ones that no, we haven't moved yet and no we don't know when we will move.

Update 7:42
They are trying to figure out if they can restore third rail power and if so determine which direction we'll move - east toward home or west back to a hub station. Please stand by.

There is a woman to my left who has the most annoying voice on the planet (think Janice from Friends) who doesn't know the appropriate decibel level in which to converse on a cell phone. She is alternately talking to two children and a husband so with every announecement I have to hear the same thing repeated loudly three times. It is apparently also her birthday. While I can sympathize with spending your birthday in a hot stuffy train car on a rainy friday night (did I mention its pouring out?) I wish she would stop telling her family over and over that she has decided to reschedule it for another day. It sucks. We get it. She is also apparently an engineer, because she knows exactly what the railroad folks shjould be doing to rectify the situation (I just sneezed and she said God Bless you - thank you but you're still annoying). Lots of "Why can't they just do X? Or Y? They should just Z and get us out of here already. Why don't they have procedures in place?" THERE IS NO POWER LADY. Let them take all the time they need to make sure I don't get electrocuted when I finally get out of this crazy tin can.

Update 7:55
There are lights on in the train but no air blowing. It is getting pretty stifling in here from all the body heat. The woman to my right just busted out a bag of doritos. At first I was jealous because its late and I am hungry. However after smelling her warm dorito breath for the last 5 minutes I want to gag.

Update 7:57
They just announced that passengers need to stay on the train. Apparently some have managed to escape (I guess from the gap between train cars). They are now walking on the tracks where they are trying to restore power to the THIRD RAIL. Now I don't know if it was just done in our part of the country but I distinctly remember seeing the This-is-what-happens-when-you-mess-with-trains video in school, complete with fried body parts. Why would you be stupid enough to step out on the tracks? And did I mention that it is pouring out? Electricity, water? Hello? We are now waiting for the police to come and get these morons (termed "self evacuees") and hopefully use them to test the successfulness of powering up that rail they know so little about. They will not proceed with attempting to get the power up until the idiots can all be rounded up.

Update 8:06
We are assured the police are on the scene now. We can't see any police out of the fogged up windows but we did just see one of those rogue passengers walk by on a cell phone. Not sure where he thinks he's going. I don't know that there is any outlet on this raised track between our train and the one stuck behind us. I hope he's calling his lawyer.

Update 8:08
Thank God for blackberries, at least it gives me something to do. After having enough of Mrs Annoying and her incessant complaining, I finally said out loud "I don't know what you expect them to do with NO POWER". She's been keeping pretty quiet since then, although she's now talking to her seatmate non-stop and I'm pretty sure her ear is hanging on by a mere thread.

Update 8:10
They may get a diesel train to come along side us and do an evacuation. Unclear what that means. Where will the diesel train evacuate us to? And will the train pick up the passengers from all 6 dead trains? I am starving now. I have resorted to rifling through my bag for bits of breath mints that may be lingering at the bottom. No luck yet.

Update 8:21
They think that all morons have been executed dealt with. They may proceed with "re-electrification". I also have to pee.

Update 8:31
Moron roundup mostly confirmed. They will proceed with "re-energizing". Once it is confirmed that power did come on (and no morons were fried in the process) we will proceed with plans to maybe go back the way we came. My stomach is growling audibly.

Update 8:48
Like Bruce Almighty, we got the power. Air and lights on, at least I can breathe. We should be going back west soon, they think. They may make an interim stop somewhere between here and the hub station. And my dad will try and pick me up. Interim station is located in ghetto-like neighborhood and father has tendecies to get seriously lost so not sure if waiting there for him is the best idea. But I need to get off. This. Train.

Update 8:54
Moving west at a "reduced speed for safety reasons".

Update 9:14
Off the traion at interim station. Standing on the sidewalk on busy urban sreet. I've got the fresh air I craved but now I'm freezing. Its windy and rainy - me and a bunch of about 20 random people are huddled under the train tressel trying to stay dry - both from the rain and from the passing cars going through puddles. I want my mommy. Now I really have to pee. I'm about to start the peepee dance. A phone call to dad indicates he's about 10 minutes away.

Update 9:46
Dad is lost despite navigation system. Fingers frozen. Somebody shoot me.

Update 10:03
Sitting in dads truck thawing. Once fingers thaw I will show him how to use the navigation system....or beat him over the head with it.

Update 10:32
Dad dropped me off to get my car in the station parking lot. Almost home.

Update 10:39
Sitting in my driveway. My house never looked so beautiful. My son's window is dark. Since the day we got him, this is the first time I've not seen him in an entire day.

Update 11:28
Greeted by my husband and presented with an awesome homemade meal. Pulled pork sandwich, roasted string beans, cole slaw and twice baked potato with bacon and cheese. I told him if I wasn't so dang tired I would throw him down on the floor and give him some good loving right there (he took a rain check). He tried to keep the baby up to say goodnight but the little guy couldn't hang in there any more. Took a hot shower and about to go to bed. Turned off the alarm clock. Don't wake me in the morning.

Some Random Things

Would all of you do me a favor?

Could you please remove my real first name from your blog links? Many of you link to me with my first name. When referring to me, either on your blog or in my comments, please don't use real names! Please use the "Starfish" name. Also, I won't be using the boy's real name any more either. Since I frequently call him "Monkey" at home, I'll now refer to him as Seamonkey. My husband will be Big Tuna (yes, a nod to my other love, Jim Halpert).

Nothing happened, I just would feel more comfortable if I was a little less obvious.

Did I tell you that The Fish had her baby? When I saw his full name, I realized that it is something you want to say with your teeth clenched, your lower jaw thrust out while wearing plaid pants at a polo match (think Thurston Howell the Third). It was bad enough that she sent an email out to all the executives when he was born. Worse yet when she sent pictures. But the icing on the cake was when she brought him in yesterday, in the rain/snow at only 5 weeks old. This is me rolling my eyes. I would never presume that people want to goo and gah over my new son. He is a big deal to me right now, but to my co-workers, not so much, and I get that. I'm not the only person on the planet who's ever had a baby. And I don't need to shove him down the throats of the Good Old Boys who run this place. Makes you look like a silly woman. Save the squeaky voices for when you're with your own family and friends. So I didn't get to see him (oh well), but I was told he was dragged around "like a sack of flour" while he cried the whole time. Wow, that sounds pretty heartless of me, huh?

Anyway.


Nothing new to report...trying to get through the day so I can spend two whole days gooing and gahing over my boy. Have a great weekend everyone. I leave you with a book meme; I've been tagged by Julie.

1) Find the nearest book
2) Open to page 123
3) Type lines 6-8 of said book
4) Tag three others


That wakes her up most of the way, because it scares her. What is he
Saying? That he wants to break up?
"Scott?" She fumbles on the floor, comes up with her Timex, squints


Stephen K1ng, "L1sey's Story". Play along if you'd like.

Starfish Out.

Babies don't give you brain cells

Why is it that when you become a mother, you suddenly think you are the wisest person who ever lived?

So I'm in Target this weekend, standing shoulder to shoulder with my husband as we stare up at the massive shelving of Pampers. There's apparently a sale. We're trying to figure out exactly which ones are on sale, and where they are located. It would be nice if the little SALE! tags sticking out of the shelves actually matched up with the contents sitting upon them, but we realize this is too much to ask. We are also trying to decide how many, and which size to get, as the boy will surely grow out of size 2's by the time we finish the massive crate of diapers we already have. We stare. We grimace. We blink. We scratch our chins as we contemplate.

What to do.

But LO! We are saved. Along comes Miss I-must-talk-to-complete-strangers-and-impart-my-useless-knowledge-upon-them. She insists on getting in the middle of our debate to tell us exactly what we should do. But first, she must get a good look at the boy and assess. Then she must ask us many important questions, including "How wide are his hips?" HUH? How do you even answer that question?? How wide, as in inches? Was I supposed to measure them? Compare them to other 4 month olds? Is there a chart of hip width somewhere that I don't know about?? And anyway Lady I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU. So I kind of blink at her and say something like I don't know, they're normal hips I guess...but if you compare his weight to the weight written on the packa--

"THAT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING".

"Excuse me?", I say with my eyebrows raised; wondering why this total stranger just (1) totally cut me off midsentence (2) in a raised voice (3) while intimating I am an idiot. And then she said something that made me want to punch her lights out.

"Is this your first?"

Translation: This must be your first child because you obviously have no clue what you are talking about or you wouldn't have uttered such a stupid thing. Silly child, I must now be condecending to you and impart all of my wonderous knowledge to you so that you will no longer flounder in the darkness.

Seriously, I wanted to hit her. After all the crap I've had to figure out to even get to the point of standing in the diaper aisle of Target, I THINK I can evenutally figure out which ones to buy. For goodness sakes lady, you only have TWO kids, it's not like you diaper kids for a living. Oh and by the way - the genius said she can tell just by looking at him that he's going to be tall like me. My husband snorted out loud at that one.


But to be fair, I have already found myself thinking that I know better than some other moms out there. Our friend has a 6 month old that won't sleep through the night and is really fat. I mean fat, not chubby...FAT. In my professional opinion, they feed her too often and pick her up if she makes the slightest noise at night. My cousin has twin boys who have bad sleeping habits, and since I am an expert, I know all the things she should be doing. After all, MY boy sleeps through the night!

Difference with me is, I keep my thoughts to myself.

Mostly.

What's the dumbest thing another mom has said to YOU?

Cause I'm a wo-man. W-O-M-A-N. I'll say it again.

Guess where I am.

At work.

Bleah.

I am officially back to work and our new life routine begins now. Coming back wasn't so bad. I think it was time....I mean, no time is good to leave your new baby, but now was as good a time as any. I am the kind of person who tends to procrastinate, so while I was home I was sleeping late, showering late, and doing not much more than playing with the baby and watching tv while he slept. That kind of routine can get depressing real fast for someone like me. Getting back into society and "real life" is good for my mental health. It's okay to feel that way, right?

The boy is in good hands. My husband officially quit is job last week and is now a full time stay at home Dad. He'll be great. I have no doubt he will be properly fed, clothed and entertained. Well, maybe using the word "properly" is giving him too much credit; I'm thinking of somehow coding his clothes so that daddy knows what matches what - ala Garanimals (okay fess up, who remembers those). And watching the military channel followed by a visit to the tackle store is not exactly my idea of entertainment, but whatever. But of course, I want to be with them too. I don't want to miss anything. I want to squish those cheeks and hear that giggle all day. I want to watch him sleep. But alas, someone needs to bring home the Pampers buying bacon so we can start saving for Harvard. There's big expectations for me, I hope I can meet them.

I have a new job. Did I tell you that? Right before I left I got a kinda big promotion to head a department that is in desperate need of revamping. Apparently I'm their woman. So back in November, I thought I would be starting my new position on December 1st. Then we got THE CALL. So everything was put on hold. Now I'm jumping in to my new role. It's exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. There's big expectations for me, I hope I can meet them.

Are you starting to see a theme here?

I still don't sleep well. I thought that at least for the first few months (until I start worrying about chicken pox, missing pet snakes and the like) I would fall blissfully asleep in a heap of contentment. After all, my dream has finally come true. But bad sleep continues. I have really weird dreams. I keep thinking that the cats under the covers are the baby and I'm squishing him. Then the worst.... in those awful moments between sleep and awake - that kind of hazy befuddled state, I have been feeling panic that I can't explain. Is there a problem with the baby? Is he hurt, missing? No. Is it someone else? My husband? My parents? Have I forgotten something important I need to do? No. I wake up not knowing exactly what my problem is. My brows seem to be permanently furrowed. The only thing that makes it go away is to wake up fully and see that life's okay. I guess that's normal. Have you ever experienced anything like that? Tell me I'm not nuts.

Anyway...no one knows I'm really back yet. They all think I'm coming in on Tuesday. I snuck in to clean out my mail box and go through all my emails and voicemails. We get to leave at 3 today in preparation for the long weekend. It is 2:37 right now and I'm counting the minutes until I can be back on that train home...


Editors Note: My last post was meant for my knitting blog - stupid me posted it here instead. But thanks for all your kind comments on my knitting!

Getting back in the groove

Well, I'm back from all the big adventures. Believe it or not, with three weeks waiting around in Colombia, I hardly did any knitting. Who can knit when you have this adorable little thing to play with:

Now that we are back home, I am starting to think about all the little things I want to knit him. We like to dress him in real little boy clothes, not baby stuff. I didn't think I'd be so picky about his clothes, but I am! This has really made me rethink the stuff I knit for gifts. I don't think I'll be doing any more powder blue babyish stuff anymore. Take his hat...it's the first thing I have made for him since he's been home. He has a green and gray hoodie sweater from his aunt, so I made this to match. Ain't it just the cutest? Here's the details:



Pattern: Max's first hat
Source: The yarn girls' guide to kid knits

Yarn: Bernat chunky in gray (less than 1 skein) with a little green and blue

Mods: This is not the right yarn for the pattern, so I cast on 22 stitches with size 10.5 needles (8's for the ribbing), which fits his head perfectly.
Comments: Great, easy, quick pattern. Someday I'll learn to step away from the acrylic and go with natural fibers. This would be even better with a nice cotton/wool blend.


Also, see the cute little fuzzy black cat the boy is holding? That adorable little toy was knit by the amazing Del. We had this wonderful little package waiting for us when we got home. Thank you Del, it is really great. Thank you so much for thinking of us, it is truly appreciated. And the boy thinks it's pretty good tasty too.

Now I am crocheting a new christening blanket. The one I had done previously (and almost finished too) was too lacy and stretched out of shape too much. I have a smaller, more dense pattern in the works.

Thank you to all of my knitting friends who have followed my adoption story. It has been great sharing the experience with all of you! I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up with your blogs as much as I should have. I promise to get caught up and to start commenting regularly again!

Monthly Update - Four Months Old

Dear Little Monkey:

We have had you home for a little over 2 weeks now. It's hard to believe that you turned 4 months old on New Year's Day. Well, actually I guess it's not, since every time we get you out of your crib in the morning you look like you've gained another pound and grown another inch. You've changed so much in just a short amount of time.

The biggest difference (besides how much bigger you are) is that you seem to have much better control of your hands. When we first met you, you could barely hold something in your hand. Now you can reach for things, grab them, and (of course) stick them in your mouth. You seem to have a fondness for the hair at the back of mommy's neck too, OUCH. We are trying to find you some good toys for you to hold - many are too big and heavy for you now. Right now you play with some plastic chain links and a little bunny blanket toy that you suck on so much it gets soaked! You have a Sesame Street Excersaucer thing, but you only last about 15 minutes in there before you want to come out.

You are a constant source of entertainment, and crack us up on a daily basis. You make the funniest faces, especially when you are trying to concentrate on something. You are still your smiley self and still very talkative. When you are alone you like to amuse yourself by having a conversation with no one. We have a feeling that once you start with real words we won't be able to get you to stop. You do a great job of pulling your self up to a sitting position while holding our hands. You can even pull yourself up to a standing position and seem to like that best. I think this might mean you will be walking sooner than later! We have been placing you on your stomach more often so that you can get stronger and learn to roll over. You do alot of grunting and moving around, but you don't really get anywhere yet. After a few minutes you'll put your head down and suck your thumb to rest a bit, and then pop up again for another round of activity.

You LOVE the bathtub. You kick your legs and arms around so much that the tub gets filled with bubbles. You don't even mind when you splash yourself in the face, which is very often. You don't like getting dressed too much though...especially putting your shirt on. No matter how quick or gentle we are, you just don't like having to put your arms through the holes. Double crankiness if we have to take your thumb out of your mouth to do it.

You nap an average of twice a day...once in the morning and again in the early afternoon. You like to sit in the bouncy chair or bumbo seat and hang out with us while we watch tv or clean. We were thinking of changing your name to Linus because you really love your blankets when you are hanging out in your chair. You don't seem to be attached to any particular one, but you like to have them on you. You try to suck your thumb and hold the edge of the blanket with the remaining fingers. Sometimes you get frustrated when you can't get it positioned exactly how you like it. Your other hand holds the blanket close to your face just like Linus does. We know this will probably cause us grief later on when you can't live without a blanket, but it makes you happy and you look so darn cute, so what can we do?

We've taken you out a few times in the stroller, and you like it just as much as you did in Colombia, although you seemed to be a little taken aback by the cold. You don't mind a bit when we put a blanket over your face to block the wind. You do well in stores, you seem fascinated by all the interesting things to look at. The other day in the bookstore, you were talking so loud that Daddy heard you all the way from the other end. You were cracking us up!

Yesterday we took you for your first pediatrician appointment at Dr. Jetter's office. You were very smiley and active. You loved being half naked on the examining table...your arms and legs were going a mile a minute and you were laughing alot. You had a good check up and only cried for a little bit when you got two immunizations in your little chubby legs. At this visit you weighed 14 pounds 12 ounces and you were 24 and half inches long. She also gave us the green light to start you on solid foods!

We've started giving you rice cereal twice a day and it is quite the funny sight to see. At first you cried, angry that we decided to put some pasty gruel in your mouth. We learned to give you the bottle first to fill you up some. In the beginning you pushed most of it right back out onto your chin and chest, but now you are slowly getting used to the spoon. Now you look like a little baby bird...opening up your little mouth really wide for the next bite. You make quite a mess too. Especially when you decide to put your hand in your mouth in the middle of the feeding. Cereal everywhere.

You still sleep very well. We only feed you four times a day and skip your two night feedings because you sleep through them. We put you down at about 9 at night and you get up anywhere between 7:30 and 8:30 am. You move around quite a bit during the night, sometimes when we go to get you, you are facing the opposite direction of where you started. And most times you've kicked your blanket off too. But almost every morning when we say "Good Morning" to you, you smile really big, which certainly starts our day off right!

We are very much enjoying our time with you these last few weeks. It is very hard to put you down because we love to hug and kiss you all day long. Good thing you don't seem to mind. We can't wait to see what new changes await us in the coming weeks.

We love you very much.